Ptsd

I suffer from PTSD as it is, I am trying to be calm with this virus, another traumatic event. But my husband refuses to believe all the things they tell us to do , to be safe. We are also ording from the Jewel for our groceries because of me, he would rather go. When I’m ordering, I’m trying to ask him what he wants from the grocery store, he refuses too, and he picky. He has me to tears every single day, and so nervous. I don’t know what to do, I can’t leave here, I’m stuck with him.

[Mary-intussuception]

It's so difficult for you isn't it. So sorry for these extra worries.

I was third in the queue for vulnerable & over 70's (first hour of opening ) in the supermarket.

So ( I thought) no one will pass me close by.

First five were let it and asked to stand on the 2 metre markers for brief instructions. Asked to stay 2 metres away from others at all times.

When we got to the trollies I waited on the marker while the woman in front took her trolley. The man behind me didn't stop and stood immediately next to me. I asked him to wait and keep the distance from me. Same thing happened when I moved on to get my trolley - he followed and stood right next to me. I told him to back away or I would have to report him. The manager spoke to him.

It seems that there's no telling some people.

When people are stuck in there ways or stubborn I think it's best not to argue with them, and best to try not to let them get to us.

Not easy, I know.

I'm not defending his attitude but sometimes I think people can't cope with reality so denial could be there way of coping.

Could you calmly, politely suggest that he goes to the store for his shopping then?

The day before you are placing an order could you perhaps leave a list and a pen and say something like " This is the order I'm placing, if you think of anything we need or you want me to get for you could you add it to the list please? " .

Then leave it at that ?

Do your order, take your delivery. Then he has to :

make do, go without or go to store himself !

Some relationships will be under extra pressure during this time.

Can you spend a little time on your own in another room? Do something you enjoy and just look after you for now?

xx

[Hidden in reply to Mary-intussuception]

Well if he went to the store, he won’t take precautions, so if he gets it, I will mostly likely too. He is 71 now, ever since he retired at 55, he doesn’t care about anyone but himself. ❤️He won’t make a list, it’s very hard to deal with him .

[Mary-intussuception in reply to Hidden]

I think in that case, I would just ignore him.

I'd take some time to rest, drink lots of water and eat well.

Try not to focus on his needs so much - just concentrate on you for now. Let things 'be' for a little while. Let the 'dust' settle.

If you do make a meal for two , and he leaves it, don't worry too much. If he's hungry, he might just eat it and surprise you!

Please don't be afraid if he goes to the store alone because :

1) If you do suggest this - he might not go anyway.

2) He will be given instruction on entering the store & if he doesn't keep the 2 metre distance he could be told to leave. ( Then he might get the message ). Reality might hit home when he's sees what it's like 'out there'.

3) If he does go out - this does not mean that he will definitely catch this disease.

Please take care of you xxx - you deserve this. Spoil yourself a little.

ps

In the UK the phone lines and help and support strategy are still in place for Domestic Abuse situations - that is if you really did want to leave. Not that I am suggesting this. We have to make our own decisions. No one is perfect, some couples stay together, some part.

Hope you are able to get some peace & quiet today. You are doing all you can. You have come through so much. You can get through this.

Wish I could come over with a bunch of flowers and box of chocolates for you.

God Bless

x Mary

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

🎁

[Hidden in reply to Mary-intussuception]

Oh thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring ❤️

[Mary-intussuception in reply to Hidden]

xXx

❤

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

I would not even consult him when you make your list. Just order what you want and leave him to get (and cook) what he wants.

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you for caring, I will do that!❤️

[LadyZen]

He reminds me of my ex-husband. I was absolutely miserable with him. We went to marriage counseling and that was the beginning of reclaiming my life.

[SuZQ154]

So sorry you are going through this. This time is stressful enough without having what we believe are UNNECESSARY stresses. Personally, I try to stay calm and just give my husband the "guidelines" as well as the NUMBERS. The NUMBERS make him more concerned about following safety!! He has become much more cautious over time.

Also, during this time, my husband and I have become closer, which has AMAZED me. We are doing this book, "Fifteen Marriage Make-Over" and it seemed silly at first but now he is into it as much as I am!

Lastly, I saw this book "Men are Clams; Women are Crowbars" which has a humorous approach to solving conflics in marriage. It might be worth checking out bit.ly/3a2effX

Hope this helps and praying for you and our country and world today!!