I don't talk to anyone in real life about this at all but I need to get this off my chest. I've had some really bad relationships over the years caused by my low self esteem. I was in a domestic violence relationship aged 20 then again aged 26 with a different man for 4 years until I had the sense to get out . Aged 30 I thought I'd found a great guy who I was with for a year but he was just using me while his divorce was going through then dumped me soon after. I went on a date with a guy from a dating site and he raped me. We somehow ended up back at his house and despite me drunkenly saying no it still happened. Nothing happened to this guy and I didn't do anything at the time and now its too late it was 10 years ago. I feel some anger inside about this and although I've been in a happy relationship for 8 years I have some bitterness and hatred of men deep inside. I know not all men are bad but even my own Dad left my mum after repeatedly cheating on her. I just can't shake this feeling that all men are terrible and going to cause me harm. Even though my poor partner has never done anything bad to me like the others I judge him by the same standards.i know this is wrong but I just can't help it.
Is it PTSD?: I don't talk to anyone in... - Anxiety and Depre...
Is it PTSD?
hi i can kinda understand i have had bad relationships mysoginists and one even threw my cat at the wall, i also ended up been helled kinda hostage in his house i just wanted to leave with my cat the cat hid under bed, i waited until hed fell asleep the guy i lived with then, i got downstairs with my cat was just about to leave and his hand got my head he helled a knife to my throat, i had to go back to bed with him, the next day his mood changed and he begged me to stay, he had to go look after his kids he said please be here when i get back, i rang my mam she said hel get worst and do it again she was in a abusive relationship with my dad, i just seem to pick men like my dad, and i feel its made me a commitmdnt phobic i find faults with everyone i meet well did i dont even bother looking now, so yes think its bit of ptsd i hope you can try and find some peace foccus on the good in your life sorfy for the rabble i have been questioning it myself lately strangely enough🤗🌟
Thanks Twinkly. I think you and I sound like we're in a similar place. We can't change anything about those men they'll continue to be bad and do bad. What we can do though is get closure on it in some way. My partner now we have a child together and sometimes I can be so verbally spiteful to my partner even when our child is around and I really don't want to be that person.
i think its supressed anger and maby therapy will help, luckiky i wasnt abused much mainly confidence destroyed it was just one drunkern row where he got nasty he said i thiught more of tigger than him he was right lol well in time i rebuilt my confidence in my self i had v low self esteem for a while from his put downs it was his own insecurity i realise now 💚🌟🐆
Suppressed anger, yes. I've never thought that before thankyou that does sound like me. I'm glad you realised it was your ex's issues and not yours. Sometimes time is a healer but sometimes it takes a bit more than that maybe depending on how much abuse there has been. I feel like one of those poor dogs you see in the shelter that have been through so much past trauma and neglect and can't trust in the good of people anymore.
you seem sensible and nice hope you read my posts and join in some on here i dont get toi involved with the depressing ones cant handle it sure yul be fine just needs working at 🌟
Thanks and so do you. 💗I don't often go on here as I don't always have much time but it helps to talk to people who won't pre judge you such as family etc. If I tell my mum this kind of stuff she would just say snap out of it move on etc. I once read an old (really quite dated) book called "Women Who Love Too Much." It says we model our own relationships on our parents relationships. So we basically date our fathers. Some of it is really out of date now as it was a book from the 70s or 80s I think? But looking at it, my mum was cheated on by my Dad who is definitely a textbook narcissist of some kind for sure. Then she was with an emotionally unstable man from my age of 8 until I was 15. He was verbally abusive to us kids and selfish. I think there is some truth in what we see as children is what we grow up to believe is "healthy." My now partner's parents have been in a secure faithful marriage for all of his life so he has not had that experience.
yes i read it lol my dad was lovely but mysoginist and after a drink hed change he had a bang on his head by horse cart too and he was from a big famiky his mother was controlling he resented that and he used to hate maggie thatcher say bloody women, hed hit mam when he lost at darts and it was always in drink the guy who hurt ny cat was ten yrs older, he took me under his wing as a friend we played darts in local pub after another strange man jekyl hyde changed with drink he was a womanizer we got on great such a laugh whirlwind romance we lived together after 3 minths then he changed, could go on lol luckiky i never took any beatings more bullying bit of a scuffle im soposed to be goi g out lol least im dressed now, please carry on checking in i post often check my moon posts from last week, x
Twinkly, you've had a difficult time from the sounds of things. Interesting though when you look back such as with your dad, he had a controlling mum, so that made him become the way he was. Everyone is a product of their own past. If that wasn't a good past then they go on to be dysfunctional with others and so it continues. Very sad really.
hi yes my mam was a bit controling with step dad and the family she was once v timid like a frigtened mouse when with my dad
check mrspjsmoms post called do you think things are calming down on here will show you what a good community it is overall so i hope yul stick around join in and ive put something shocking but sooo funny on please look its good to laugh keeps me going😁
It seems like you been through a lot. Have you considered seeing a therapist?
yes therapy may be good for her as think if husband was gonna be bad would have by now, i know nit all men are bad and i guess its the easy way out but for myself i feel fate will bring my soul mate along if n when the times right 🤗🌟
Thanks yeah think I carry a lot of emotional baggage from the past. Another so called serious relationship I had for a year in 2014 he had 3 other women on the go. I've really seen all the bad that men can do. I'm not wanting sympathy I know some have been through the similar and worse. I carry it with me though. I've have had therapy before but certain things I've mentioned I never brought up in counselling and I probably need closure for that stuff. The DV relationships also both stalked me after I ended them, one threw eggs at my car, smashed window in etc. The other walked past my work several times a day. This was all years ago but I get anxiety and low moods at times and I start thinking of these bad memories. But no the guy I'm with now is solid, loyal, calm and dependable. The complete opposite to those creeps. I found a good one at last and after 8 years I have to move on.
It’s understandable why you feel the way you do. Might be helpful to talk to a therapist about it.
True, I don't want to hate men. I know good ones do exist like my partner but I just don't trust any of them deep down.
I have some of the same issues. I feel like I’ve been with too many guys and I get very defensive just talking to guys sometimes. I never had a brother and I don’t have a good relationship with my Dad so I think that’s part of it. And I think I’ve read too many stupid romance novels.
Yeah I can understand and relate to all of that. Its really hard to let your walls down when you've been hurt before.
Well I've just started taking prozac 20mg. My first day today. I feel a bit of a failure for going back on to ADs as I've been a long time without them but its really been a struggle lately with my anxiety. Even simple things like going to the supermarket I just want to drop my shopping and run out of there. The doctor was really understanding. Discussed abusive past. Doctor said perimenopause also could be a thing at my age. Feels like a productive day.
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