Insomnia and going insane family drama!

I am out of my mind with insomnia. Chronic..I lie awake with all kinds of crap going through my head.

Big family.. extended.. cousins. ...big rumor mill when you have a big family.

Some have alienated me because I've had to cancel plans at times due to my flares / autoimmune problems. They assume "I don't care about family'" because I couldn't make some family functions because of a flare ..I hate when people make assumptions when they have zero idea what I'm going through even though they know.

I lie here upset ruminating...

I'd rather go off the grid..that's how bad some of it is...

My best friends dad died 2 years ago..a friend for over 20 + years. I flared badly and couldn't make the church service. Flared can crop up extremely fast like you're bring whacked on the head. The burial private and it was just their immediate family so I couldn't get to the church.

I sent a big arrangement and found it at my door with a note saying " my dad deserved so much more than this". I was flabbergasted. Insulted, shocked and sad. Maybe leaving the arrangement was her way of saying now I'm going to insult you...

She questioned my reason not being able to leave the couch in a lot of pain . I was so close to her and she knew everything about my illness. I was very close to her dad. My so called best friend and I saw her everyday for coffee walking shopping whatever we were always together.

I know she felt let down. I get that and apologized for my flare but couldn't go. Could not..I was that much I'm pain.

She knew about my illness because I've had this illness since 2008. There were times I had surgery and had a lot of week long or more flares. I'm on disability for it.

I've been trying to rekindle our friendship texted her with no response back. Life's too short for this kind of thing.

It was my body's fault not mine because I would have been there!!.

Then my aunt throws a memory mass for my uncle but calls itva family mass for allvm who have passed. I sat behind her 2 years ago and walked out of the church. Reason...she takes everyone to breakfast..the entire bunch and she turned around in church and asked me if I was going to the breakfast. I said no because after sitting 10 min I was already in pain and wanted to get home and rest. She said outloud " it's about family you can't just come and have coffee?? And so her son Chimed in " yea don't you care"!!! I then got up after 10 min and and walked out if the church blowing a kiss to my 28 first cousins who I adore who just watched me leave..

She was married to my mom's brother. Shes an aunt some aren't thrilled with anyway.

Any thoughts? Iate conflict.

[Hidden]

You’re in chronic pain? Family and friends don’t know or understand the extent of your disability?

I’ve got chronic and debilitating insomnia nearly every night. I’ve tried to miss out on family events, my husband won’t let me. He helps me in every way, pours the coffee, makes me food, will help me shower and dry my hair, you name it. I’m lucky in this regard, I would have missed out on so much.

But in your case, this could all just come down to communication, working with those you love, maybe asking for patience and understanding. Those that love us shouldn’t ever get offended because of our limitations. I hope you get all this worked out and your situation improves so you can attend more. I’ve never regretted not staying home. Best wishes.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. My husband's a Truck Driver and is home @ night with 14 hour days. He would do whatever I needed. My family/ friends have seen me ill and know my history...2 of my close friends are understanding.

I have pain and insomnia every night. It's that I'm diagnosed with anxiety and depression too with panic attacks but these things that happened were down right cruel..people don't need to be understanding but at least be respectful.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I cannot answer why people do the things they do, act the way the do, behave the way they do. I can only hope this was just a big miss communication, something between you two that can be worked out. If not, then leave it to the past, you need sleep and to take care of yourself.

It’s okay to remember, perhaps pick a time of day you worry and allow yourself at night to work on sleep. You’re in therapy? Talk about your sleep and high anxiety and the issue with ruminating thoughts preventing you from sleeping. Getting some night time coping strategies and techniques might prove helpful, but it takes repetition so commit to these every day. Hope you get some sleep.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much!! 🤗🌈🌞

[Jumprope14]

Hi Gia, Nice to meet you. In response to your posting I wanted to share with you I also didn't go to my own father-in-law's funeral. I went to the wake the night before and greeted people for three hours in the line with the family, by the time it was over I was exhausted physically and mentally. I felt I could not be there the following day so I did not attend. I prayed to God about it and I heard literally "Love yourself" that was all I needed, I stayed home the next day and felt great because I got some much needed rest and the best thing was I didn't care what the other family members thought about me! I also suffer from anxiety and have rheumatoid arthritis. I had been going through a lot before this so I was already under intense stresss about another issue so this really put me in a difficult way, but I actually chose to love myself (for a change) and put myself first, because I needed to at that time, and it felt very good. Hope this helps you!

[Hidden in reply to Jumprope14]

Hi Jumprope14,

Good for you for the self love and self care and taking care of yourself!! I need to take a lesson! My husband's 2 sisters are unreal and never bother with him. I feel so bad for him. One sister texts him on his birthday and that's it. I have friends I call family. This family drama stuff is for the birds. I'm learning more self love in therapy.

I am reading your post just as I lie here ruminating about the fact that my mom is trying to push me to text my cousin and his wife who are supposed to be such wonderful people buy stopped talking to me because he and his sister don't speak and I used to hang with his sister and go to the movies with her. They don't speak. I'm an adult I can associate with who I want so I'm not sending a text asking them to talk to me and work things out. I did realize that his sister is manipulative and a liar and I caught her so I backed off.

When I went to send a text to my cousin who isn't talking to me re a condolence when his aunt died I got no response twice ..no response at Christmas..I sent Christmas card..now my mom is saying I should send a text to meet with he and his wife to meet to make things right. I did nothing wrong!!!! I never spoke Ill of either he or his wife despite hanging with his sister a few years. I don't anymore as I said I backed off because of her manipulate and lying behavior which was my choice but I'm not forcing myself on anyone. Am I right or wrong? What would you do? This family drama is bull. My cousin listens to his wife. Should I take the high road and send the message ? I don't like the fact that they're not talking to me and I did not mention my brother and my sister in law now hang with them a lot and my sister in laws acting weird now too with her robotic like texts to me and responses. So those two my cousin's wife and my sister in law the mother of my grown nephew's are chatting behind my back.

[Jumprope14 in reply to Hidden]

I think everyone has to make their own decisions for themselves, but I do believe in making peace with people. It's good for ourselves!

[Hidden in reply to Jumprope14]

I'm trying. I left them a text last night asking to talk and make peace. I cannot make them respond. I'm a believer of peace too that's why it's bothering me. They both work long hours and I'm so shocked that I've been texting them all this time, the past year and no text back. They are not believers of peace.

[Jumprope14 in reply to Hidden]

I know we can only control ourselves. What I try to do is focus on myself and doing my part how other people handle it is up to them. Don't let it stress you or bother you, you have done your part. Be at peace with yourself.

[Hidden in reply to Jumprope14]

Yes thank you, that's what my Therapist and I talked about yesterday. I took the high road. I also took a screenshot of my text to save it. It's all because I used to hang out with his sister who he doesn't speak to and has not for years. It started when he remarried. I'm an adult, 56 I can hang out with who I want. I backed off from hanging with her because she became manipulative and I caught her in a lot of lies. These are my cousins, ages 62 and 65. I'm done. He and his wife are very close to my parents and go to breakfast a lot. My mom told me she's renting a hall sometime we don't know when for a family gathering. If I get invited I think I should go but then if I'm not invited should I even bother??? Any ideas?

[Jumprope14 in reply to Hidden]

I say go and be yourself and try to enjoy the day. Go for you to get out. Sometimes when I have pushed myself to get out it's been some of the best days. I myself am 59. I push myself as much as possible to do and to be with others. It takes our minds off ourselves. I don't suffer so much now from terrible panic attacks, I know what they are so I feel better understanding about them. I used to be almost housebound at one time, but in that area doing much better. They say you have to face the panic to deal with it and overcome it. I know easier said than done. It takes time. I suffer more with anxiety of the mind, but let's face it it's all anxiety. I'm a woman of great faith,so that helps me greatly. I'm not saying it's an easy road though. One day at a time. We need to live in the present moment and not yesterday or tomorrow.

[Hidden in reply to Jumprope14]

You are so right in that facing our fears does bring about fear.. I'm working on that with my Therapist...I myself never had to push myself out the door because of my anxiety like I do now. I never had a problem with it and it's just an awful scary feeling.

I don't know if I'll even be invited to this party she plans to throw for the family and I do have a big family so there's lots of people to talk to...once I'm out I'm very sociable but I will definitely not bow down to their immature behavior..

Thank you so much for sharing your difficulty with getting out of the house too. It helps to know im not alone. 🤗🌹🌻🌞🌈🙏