Mom's drinking again. She's insane. She doesn't understand a thing. She's on my laptop(even though i have a homework for today, a presentation, with other people. And everyone say "talk with her". I can't talk with her. She would say "i took it just now, why didn't you work earlier, you're egousti, eat your damn laptop". I hate how everyone is "talk with them". I freaking can't) with headphones on and made us repair something. I feel like i'm going to burst out crying. It seems like nothing happened but this family dinamics have me crazy.
Everyone tells me to get my shit together but i can't. She made me neurodivergent. I can't even work. I can't talk to her. I can't live a normal life. I couldn't even move out. Everyone tells me "move out" but you can see what happened when i did. I can't. And everyone is so normal. I. I can't. My roommate has her mother dead and everyone tells me she should be worse than me and she's working 8 hours. But she was (and is) in a healthier coundidion. I'm a psychology student and i understand it but normal people compared traumas. Litterary just your parents being bitches can Fck up all your mental health. And nobody understands this. Everyone think someone must have died or be terminally ill or something bad. Trauma is slow Burn. Go see theholisticpsychologist Nicole Le Pera on instagram If you don't understand because right now i'm not in coundidion 😭
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I'm sorry your dealing with a dysfunctional alcoholic, sadly... there is no sanity in that situation. It's chaos all the time dealing with someone who is out of control. But you have choices, even if you think you do... you can learn some tools such as boundaries. You can learn that nothing you say or do will change the person drinking...but you can make changes for yourself...even if it means going to a library with your laptop, or to a friend's house, anything to stop patterns of abuse. We can always come up with a million reasons why not, try to find ones that you can make changes for yourself, only you can do that, no one can do it for you.
Thanks. You're right and that's a good advice, only bad that it's late here and i don't have much where to go (covid, no friends near, late when she drinks). Also you said something important, it's chaos. This chaos since birth is messing with my brain, it's a chaos inside my head. It's a chaos trying to take care of myself, sleep, eat, study, work. Once again, thanks, i needed this
You are absolutely right in all of your observations. I definitely hear a tone where you have had enough and you want change so badly that you are bursting. Everyone deals with trauma and drama in different ways. No one should compare your situation to anyone else’s. There is too much history and different experiences.
You can only control your behaviors, not mom’s nor your peers’. So you have to break this down into smaller pieces to tackle.
May I ask how old you are? Are you a full time student? Do you have any relatives or friend’s families that can be a safe space for you to go.?
Mom has an addiction. Research shows that when a serious trauma happens, it can stunt maturation at that age. The development in the frontal lobe is impacted. Childish behaviors are sometimes the result. Add alcohol and a mom complex and you are at ground zero.
Although you want to scream and cry, try not to do it in front of mom. She may be poking you to prove that you can’t handle life. Well, she is not real life. Have a plan B. It may be simply turning around and leaving, going to a friend’s or the library to do your work. I had a friend who went to baseball batting cages and hit baseballs to release the anger. Sign up for a mindfulness class at a local yoga studio. Barter with them and explain your situation. Ask if you can clean or answer phones in trade for a few sessions.
Is the laptop yours from school? If so, talk to your school counselor about keeping it on campus and working in the school library.
Unfortunately you have to be the grown up. Your goal, besides finishing school is earning your freedom. Mom will fight you tooth and nail, because some parents take ownership of kids instead of love and compassion.
For today, just sit in a chair or on the floor. Breathe in through the nose, deeply, so that even your belly moves out. Hold for 1-2 counts. Exhale through your mouth for 6 seconds and imagine darkness and frustration leaving you in a puff of steam as you exhale.
Find 1-2 things a day that you ARE grateful for. Big or small. Write them or say them out loud. Be brave. Once you regain your compass, you will think of ways to free yourself.
Thank you so much . I'm 21. Living with dad and his new family was terrible and same with at granpa's. I tried to live in my university city but i'm so childish i messed it and came back home. I basically have nowhere to go and nobody. We don't even have university councelour. The laptop is mine
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How I got here... (warning this is long...)
