Work drama

[Atthepark]

So I deal dementia pts and old people for my job I showed my client a picture of my aunt and they said she looks like a man. I didn't know what to say I mean the client is still with and can hold good conversations and Crack jokes. I thought it was incredibly degrading for her to say that abt NY aunt and I did not how to respond to that comment and so I just laughed bc I feel like people who say rude stuff to tear down people are out of their minds so I just normally laugh when someone says something rude abt my mom or aunt . It catches me off guard bc I wasn't raised to talk abt people like that . How should I have responded. And we were sitting outside in 86 degree weather and I was complaining I was hot and she wouldn't turn down her air below 78 and I said I was hot and she said well if u lose weight u wouldn't be so hot. Total fail today at work

[012703060610]

First, you must have an amazing spirit because it is a tough job! My mother is in end stage Parkinson's and dementia has finally set in. She recently said I looked fat on face time. I'm at my all time low weight. My dad took away her iPad as the kids were there too. I think you handled the best you could unfortunately. Seems like there was some lucid moments in this discussion about your family. I probably would have responded with "were you perfect and beautiful every day of your life." I'm sure that would have gotten me fired I suppose. Unfortunately sometimes you have to roll with the humor just to move on. I'm so sorry but thank you for the work you do! I now see how hard it really is!

[Atthepark in reply to 012703060610]

Thank u

[Shnookie]

U were not a total fail at work. Unfortunately, the resident you encountered is a rude, nasty and insensitive person. Have you been given guidelines, as to how you should respond to this type of behavior ? I am a concierge/receptionist at a Senior 55+ Living Community. I encounter all different types of behavior from the residents. One of the residents said to me, I can get you fired ! He had a reputation of being nasty to other residents I.e. pushing other residents with his walker. One of the residents pushed him back with her walker. I think I said to him, if that is what you want to do, I told my boss right away what happened. She acknowledged it was inappropriate. He never went thru with his threat. Perhaps, you can speak to management about this type of behavior. Fortunately, this nasty resident, is now polite to me tho still rude to some of the residents. I have killed him with kindness. I am not denying what it is but rather have turned the tables on him. Ideally, you should be able to say to this nasty woman, your behavior is inappropriate and have management support you.

[Atthepark]

Yeah I called and told manager and they said oh it looks like your bit s good fit w her will have to find u a diff client. I said no I like working w this client I can handle it I'm a big girl . Duh!! Oh then at my other clients homes there is this girl and we became friends she brings her husband on her days off to clients house to fix a light and stuff like that. She even comes in on my shift bringing them pizza . But what I saw how she reacted to notes I left for other care givers shocked me and she will no longer be my friend. She has icd and buys clients stuff w her own money and mows and weed walks there grass. Management loves her but she is a real witch and is controlling she acts like I have to do everything she tells me to and like she's the manager of the house. I was going to call mmgmt and say I wanted to be placed w a diff client bc of this crazy worker . But I decided I'm going to stay pit and stand my ground. I'm not gonna let a bully make me leave bc I like my client s here

[punkster]

I used to deal with people with dementia/Altzheimer's on a daily basis in my profession. I remember dealing with an older man and his son. The man was very far along in his progression with Altzheimer's. His son was a pastor, and so was the father. The father would randomly make sexual comments to women he saw, which embarassed the son so much. I learned to understand that these people are not in their "right" minds. They have no impulse control or filter. They speak every thought. I might have asked a probing question like, "Why do you think she looks like a man", and follow it up with "people are all different and some look like the opposite sex and or dress like the opposite sex" and leave it at that. The older I get the less I care what people think. I developed a tough skin and took everything those people said with a grain of salt.

[NYCmom2]

It’s wonderful you do such heart centered and necessary labor of caring for the disabled and neurologically impaired seniors. It’s emotionally and physically intensive work.

I agree with previous comments here that people who have neurological impairments like dementia have impulsive speech and sometimes aggressive behaviors. The comments can still sting and hurt, which is understandable.

If it’s possible to put these clients in a similar category as a young child it might help taking them to heart. Any teacher will tell you that young children sometimes blurt out comments that sting. A quick redirecting word will often get them back in track. “Let’s remember to use kind words.” “Compliments only”.

Make the temperature about her safety, “Now Martha we can see the temperature outside is 86 degrees which means we need to lower the inside temperature to (x degrees) so that you stay cool. 78 degrees is dangerously high for your safety. A safe temperature is (x degrees).”

As a teacher we can get a myriad of complaints from parents. But if it’s safety-centered rules and redirection it’s easier for all to accept.

[Trainchaser]

Rough day. Sending you hugs. Hopefully the last few days have been better for you