I need help with this

[Poodie]

I think I am angry and it has gotten me depressed because there is nothing I can do about the situation and I feel guilty complaining. I need some thoughts from you all.

I know exactly when this started. I am going to be a little vague because I am privacy paranoid on here.

My husband in the last year or more has taken on a difficult problem at work working with a bunch of Narcissistic people in a group ( clients). He is working for the non Narc side., however he knows about Narcs so I think I blame him for getting involved. This issue has taken precedence over many aspects of our life and we have had to put our own goals on hold repeatedly for over a year .

Now he did not expect this to go on and on the way it has. I believed him as he believed himself when he said repeatedly that it was almost over and it was going to end. But it hasn’t. So he is so busy he has neglected things at home for quite a while. His “work” is all over the place. There is no way that he can semi retire as was our plan a year or more ago. In fact, he is working or thinking about this work issue constantly. It makes him irritable. He is not trying to win anything or be unreasonable but the people he and his clients are dealing with are Narcs , want it all, do not care who they hurt, need to win the almighty dollar.

I had to have a med procedure out of the country. Before we left, he dropped on me that he would upon our return be out of town for two solid weeks. A total surprise, I found myself getting down. The procedure was more difficult then I expected. I had a lot of pain. It had been planned way before his trip got scheduled. I was counting on his support and help as I have some restrictions. We have a fairly large place and several animals. I can not lift anything over two lbs. What doesn’t weigh 2 lbs ! ?

Things kept happening, like a pipe leaked, our old dog got let out the gate and got lost, he’s very old ( I got him back) and other annoyances, also. We were also suppose to leave on a trip but because of his work, we had to postpone leaving for 2 days. How he even expects to get home, pack the car, and us leave is beyond me. He gets home at 9 pm, and we are leaving the next day !? He is older and gets exhausted after trips ! It is unrealistic. It will take days to get there. Our 4 children are meeting us there and only have a couple days. We will be lucky to get there before them now. We will be driving with 2 dogs in tow. We have already paid for our rental. Too late to get money back. I was looking forward to this as was everyone else.

I can’t believe these people have screwed up our world too. I think he should have known better but it is a prof matter and he can not just walk away. To top it off, the money that belongs to his clients that can be used to pay him for all this work is being held by nasty people in a trust. These people owe him a huge amount of money so it has been like working for nothing and worse.

He is miserable too. Saying he hates these people and that he just wants it to be over. He swears he will get paid. But some people involved on the other side get paid more to prolong it. If they drag it out they are owed more money. It is up to the “higher authority” and I don’t mean God to decide at the end of these two weeks who “wins”. And you all know how Narcs win” higher authorities “ over by charm. They lie and it becomes their word over someone else’s. It’s a crap shoot what will be decided. And if this so called authority doesn’t t have plans for x mas, why not postpone a decision.

I have lost faith, and having the ability to fear the worse, I can see a decision being delayed. He says No that won’t happen.

Anyway, I can do nothing. I don’ t know what to do about our trip. I really wish we could stay home for Xmas, cancel our plans to be away and then leave after Xmas. I am almost afraid to bring it up because he is convinced we will make it on time.

I’d really like to yell at all these people and tell them what a bunch of a-holes they are. It is always a problem to get involved with narcissistic people like this. I know he can’t walk away but I wish he would. We are old and who knows how much time we have left to enjoy our lives. This is very wearing on him and it has been detrimental to my physical and mental health, so I am pissed.

I am mad at him and my anger seems unjustified. We have been married a very very long time yet he keeps saying, Just please stick with me o k ? Like after 50 plus years I would walk out the door. Please comment.

Poodie

[ForwardBound]

He needs to choose between work and his home/family life imploding. Which is worth saving??

[All_alone]

Poodie. I'm sorry your having too go thru this with his work, then add the medical procedure and a trip. I think your anger is justified. How to deal with the anger, I wish I had some suggestions for you. My struggle with anger is hard. I hope there is a good outcome in two weeks. The two weeks will probably feel like two years. Please stay strong and hopefully you can be there for each other as much as possible. I'm here if you ever need to talk.

[Poodie in reply to All_alone]

Thank you for responding. Look I am sorry but sometimes my hand jerks. For some reason and in some way I hit “inappropriate comment”. When I tried to correct it I could get to the “other “box but could not delete it completely. I am sorry.

If anyone bothers you about this refer them to me and I will explain.

[All_alone in reply to Poodie]

If I did upset you, I apologize and didn't mean to. I do hope there is a positive outcome.

[Poodie in reply to All_alone]

What? How did you get that out of what I said ? I must need to say things more clearly. I meant I would explain to them about my hand jerking. My hand jerks sometimes and I hit it totally by mistake. Trust me and don’t worry, if something you say does bothers me, I will let you know. I try to be straight. Not much bothers me, so don’t worry about me. We can not all know everything and I don’t expect anyone to. We are just trying to lend support as best we can.

If I can get enough done, I think I will take myself someplace special to relax out of this house.

That may be my plan. Thanks for your comments.

How are you?

[All_alone in reply to Poodie]

Thank you for replying. I didn't think I had said anything that may have been upsetting but felt the need to clarify and apologize if needed.

Actually that sounds like a good plan! Have some place in mind?

I'm been ok for the last two days. If I was to go somewhere, I would choose a warm white sandy beach and just sit there and listen to the sounds and soak up the warmth of the sun. Hopefully soon. I think I'll have lunch with a friend tomorrow.

[Poodie in reply to All_alone]

Good for you for going to lunch. I love sandy beaches and listening to waves. But that would be too far a trip. I was thinking about a spa.

Have a nice time at lunch.

[All_alone in reply to Poodie]

Thank you - I plan on it.

You have a wonderful spa day. I had one about two weeks ago and it was fantastic!! Till I got home...... lol