Mother-In-Law Passing - i need help

[TickingClock]

I guess i am writing this post just to relieve some stress and depression and even anger.

My sweet mother-in-law is passing away from stage 4 Colon Cancer thats very aggressive - we had just found out last month, so did she. and now the doctors cant do anything for her and she only has a few days left to live. this is killing my husband. she was both his mother and his father, as his father had another entire family on the side when he was very young - without them knowing.

thinking we had more time - we thought we were going to be able to prepare financially and mentally. boy, were we wrong. i had lost my job on the day i went back to work from my emergency surgery (removing a mass on my pancreas) and havent been able to find work since. thus our savings has depleted to nothing and hes been the one covering all expenses for us and our now 5 year old son and my own mother who got kicked out of her own home by her sister. this has been the worst year of all of our lives - even resulted in me creating a Go Fund Me Campaign - which my entire family has not contributed one cent because i should be ashamed for asking for help and should be embarrassed mentality. i have family members who dont even contact us anymore because i created one - if they really knew me they would know that i am not the one to ask for help and it must be out of really desperate times that we are now asking for help - because it is.

both my mother and my husband are leaving to California tomorrow. My mother because this was a paid for trip from her dear friend who is throwing a baby shower for her daughters surrogate, so she wanted her best friend to be by her side - i get that, this ticket for her was bought way before we knew his mother was ill, but now we are left with no one helping or offering to watch over our big dog, so that leaves me and our son left behind to watch the dog, while my husband goes to say goodbye to his mother.

i feel horrible that i cant be by his side, event though he wishes i could be, he says he cant do this alone and it kills me. also its killing her even more that she cant say goodbye to her only and first grandson, which was her dying wish. i am crying just typing it and the reality of it. why does this happen to us, why must we die so horribly now in days. i dont want to die alone or not be able to see someone one last time as a wish because someone doesnt want to help other people in need! ive fallen in such a depression that my child asks if i am okay today, i have to fake a smile and say yes. i hate this. i am even starting to resent my dog because hes the reason we cant leave, poor dog, he has no idea whats going on and i would never harm him or leave him at a shelter, he would be put down, hes an Olde Engrish bulldogg that looks like a pit bull to these ill-educated people here.

i dont know what to do, but let things run its course and let it eat me later...

If anyone can help her Gofundme is: gofundme.com/9sh6w-help-the...

thank you so much - please if you cant donate, please share a comment or a prayer - thank you so very much - God Bless you all and thank you so very much

[colorscheme]

This really sounds like so much going on all at once and I can't imagine what you're going through. You should never be shamed for asking for help but I understand as a person from an asian/ethnic family that it would be an embarrassment for them if I did the same kind of thing. Please let us know what your GoFundMe page is and perhaps people here can contribute, unless of course, you want to keep your anonymity which I would completely understand! Regardless, it must be hard to not have closure with someone you love while staying strong for your son on top of everything else that is going on. It definitely sounds like a rough time but I have no doubt it can only get better and this can only make you stronger. I hope you get the closure that you want with your mother in law and I'm happy for you that you got to what sounds like a close relationship to her. And it's okay to resent the dog, they don't know and as long as you're not abusing him, then you're doing fine.

I wish you the best and continue to stay strong. My husband lost his job 2 years ago and still hasn't found anything but I still try to stay optimistic because we know it's only a matter of time before he finds something. I hope you can do the same.

You're not alone and continue to post and vent as much as you can.

[TickingClock in reply to colorscheme]

Thank you so much Colorscheme, your words brought be comfort and happy tears to not feel alone. let me assure you there is no abuse to my doggo Max, though he gets an eye roll more than once a day...

we are still home, my son and I, though we wish everyday we can be with my hubby, his father, by his side as he faces the hardest thing for every child, a death of a Parent. =(

We talk numerous times a day, but most of the time he just vents and cries and wishes we were there, it kills me honestly each time, but i have to stay strong - for him and my son who is usually by my side every time the phone rings. And i am forever grateful to have had a nice relationship with her, though i feel nothing but regret and guilt for "taking" her son and her grandchild across country 2 years ago. =( i have'nt even said goodbye to her, i am too ashamed and embarrassed to, all i would do is apologize, which I've told her so many times before...

i hate that Family would be the ones to be the first to be ashamed for us to ask for help. We are so VERY grateful for reaching our goal of 5k BUT now with all the bills adding up, its WAAAYYY over what we had collected on the Gofundme, we are looking at about 13K even though she had already PAID 5,500 for the "Compassion Long Cript" which is fancy for her hole in the ground. we are dumb founded that it is going to cost that much more to have a plan VERY BASIC non viewing Funeral, it is HIGH WAY ROBERY what it is. and we are now too embarrassed to ask for more help and with none of us having a Facebook - we ran out of ways to ask for help. so thank you so much for recommending we put it on here - i just dont want people to think i am fake or my story isnt real... =(

gofundme.com/9sh6w-help-the...

thank you again for your kind words and thoughts, it means so much to feel not alone. thank you and God Bless =)

[colorscheme in reply to TickingClock]

It is terrifying to hear about what it costs to do something that is so traumatizing anyway and then the financial burden on top of it. I'm so sorry that you're going through that. As if life isn't hard as it is. And things with family are complicated, I can relate. My family is in somewhat denial about mental illness, which runs in my family, and I'm sure it is an issue of pride and not looking "weak."

Thanks for sharing the link. I just made a small donation, I'm sorry it isn't much as my husband has been out of a steady job for two years now but I hope anything helps. I will share this post as a new post on your behalf. I'm sure there are people on here that can help! Let me know if you don't want me to. Also, may I suggest increasing the fundraising amount that you're looking for as it looks like you've already reached your goal?

[TickingClock in reply to colorscheme]

THANK YOU SO MUCH Colorscheme, any amount helps! we are so grateful that there are still people like us out there! i was raised with a father that would give his shirt off his back for someone in need, i miss him greatly - he was taken away too soon, as the good ones usually are.

and my family is the same way, its "weak" to ask for help or admit you have a problem, i am happy to know i am not alone.

and i totally understand, its been so hard to find a job =( its like you HAVE to know someone to get a decent job in any field now in days, and being stuck in a new State has been so HARD. but i believe he will find a job soon enough - i will pray for it and send good vibes and omens =)

you wouldnt think i would be looking like a "money hungry" person if i increased it right? i feel that shame and guilt if i did - and what about all the people that already contributed, they wouldnt think that too? ughhh i am in my head again...

[colorscheme in reply to TickingClock]

I know what you're saying but I don't think they would look down on you. And besides, you've already started this and they've already judged you. I don't believe that the people who already donated will be notified of the change but all new people who would be willing to help will see the new number and you should explain that there were unexpected expenses! It happens all the time on GoFundMe. I promise that I do see it but if you don't feel comfortable, that's okay too! Regardless, I will share with the community here.

[TickingClock in reply to colorscheme]

You're so right. I just emailed gofundme to see if there will be an issue with withdrawal before meeting the goal once i change it. i got a call from my hubby (an hour or so ago) saying that she is not looking good and he doesn't see her lasting very much longer, and the Funeral home is pushing him to pay NOW - so i had to hit the withdrawal before increasing the funds - so i hope thats not an issue - and apparently the funds wont be in the account until the 28th so i hope she makes it until then, or this is really not looking good funds wise... ugh all this stress about this, these people (funeral ppl) only care about the money! its so disgusting, makes me want to open my own funeral home and have at least a payment plan or something - be more compassionate and helping! UGHHH

thank you again for sharing my gofundme btw, that really helps, no matter the donations - the thought of you just taking the time to repost was so caring and thoughtful - thank you so much - i texted my husband about you and he said he was so grateful that i asked for help and just to get her story out and the fact that a stranger would help, thank you so much - you are no longer a stranger to our family - you are a friend - thank you

[kenster1]

hi I am very sorry to hear this my heart goes out to your family and all concerned.its devastating when this happens and it happened with our dad also stage 4.cant you put the dog into a kennel for a couple of days or leave the dog with a neighbour im sure under the circumstances people would help out.do you have papers for the dog to prove her breed.what about booking a hotel that accepts dogs maybe.people rally round in times of need I hope you get support to help you be with your husband.

[TickingClock in reply to kenster1]

Thank you so much Kenster1, yes we asked out neighbors, but none had the space for him (hes a big English Bulldoge) and because we moved from CA to FL just a bit over 2 years ago, i am afraid i think i lost his baby paperwork that shows what breed hes certified as. and it looks like A LOT of people DONT LIKE big dogs here in Miami! =( they are either afraid or just plan think every big dog is bad... he is also not updated with his shots - i know VERY bad with me and i take the blame 100%, he has had his shots, but after 11years of age (in june he turns 11) he needs his rabies shot again i believe - and the Kennels and Pet Hotels and Boarding places they have here all want at least the past 5 years of records.... ugh not good on us as i really cant find ANYthing from him, i guess after a few years of him getting older i really wasnt the responsible parent and keeping his records on hand.

this is all on me, i know i messed up with Max (the doggo) i really didnt prepare for this to happen or my family to, not betray us, but not be as caring or giving. it just sucks - i feel horrible - want to give up - and just go to sleep or something - but i know i have to stay strong and think this is all happening for a reason.

[_amabelizzario]

I'm so sorry. I was reading about your emergency surgery. I've been asking myself a lot of what you are. I had an emergency surgery in december. It gets worse before it gets better. It's going to be alright. I wish you and your family all the best in the world. I hope you find your peace with this situation. It's unffair how your family seems not to be there for you. I wish you to be healthy and strong during this moment.

A big hug!

[TickingClock]

Thank you so very much - i just keep telling myself when your down the only way to go is up, but it seems to be just going down more. i have my health for now and my beautiful son by my side - i have to remind myself that a lot. and i have all of you to share and ask for help when times are unbearable, i thank God for that and all of you guys, you all make me feel not alone. i hope for your health and recovery as well =)

[brettedwardcory]

God bless you. I am praying for your family. I pray for rest, peace, healing, and Gods love to cover you and your husband.

[TickingClock in reply to brettedwardcory]

Thank you so much Brettedwardcory, God Bless you. Thank you