Need help to deal with GAD spouse

[Juliana74]

I've just joined the group and I would like to have your opinions. I've been married for 2 years with someone who has GAD. I wasn't aware of how bad it was until we got married. He stopped taking the medications and started to be jealous, controlling and abusive. He wouldn't let me see my family or even use social media. He started being abusive and would lie and invent stories to justify his actions. After things got really bad, he accepted to seek professional help and take medications. He improved a lot since then, but I still have to face so many problems. He still lies a lot and humiliates me all the time. He gets upset everytime I want to see or even talk to my family. He just wants to stay at home all the time and we never do anything fun together. When we were dating we went to restaurants, cinema, dinner. Now, not even in our anniversary. It is being really difficult and I would like to hear your opinions. Do you think his behavior can be justified by the GAD? Do you think there is hope to save my relationship? I love him but life is been too difficult with someone who treats me like garbage most of the time, while I treat him like a king and do everything to please him.

[guynfl2chat]

First of all I am sorry you are going through this. It appears some of this can be related to GAD, however he also sounds very controlling. I wouldnt just blame all the behavior on anxiety. I would recommend a counselor that can talk to both of you and discuss the behavior. If he is just expressing his GAD and acting out that might give you some answers, but I suspect there is some other issues going on here. You deserve to be treated in a nice way and be able to have an open and frank conversation with me about what is going on.

Good luck.

[Juliana74 in reply to guynfl2chat]

Thanks for your kind response. Unfortunately he refuses to seek counseling. Even his psychiatrist is not aware about the way he treats me. Thanks

[thatjuanguy]

Nothing justifies abusive behavior but if both of you are willing to put in work saving it is possible but just you doing it will not work and nobody deserves to be treated like garbage no matter what.

[Juliana74 in reply to thatjuanguy]

Thanks for your response.

[Ajrea2]

absolutely not! a man should never put his hands on a woman. I was in an abusive relationship for 11 years and I always came up with excuses to justify it. in my case it did not matter if he was on meds or not the anger was still there. I wish you the best of luck and i will be praying for you❤

[Juliana74 in reply to Ajrea2]

Thank you for your response and your prayers.

[Lostandbroken]

I'm going through something similar to this almost exact so I got curious and looked up GAD. The way it was explained however doesn't seem like that's why. I think you're in the same boat I am where they know they are going to get out attention regardless of how they act. They know we're going to bow down to them and do everything in our power to do what they want and we shouldn't be letting that happen.. Message me if you want to vent or talk I'm all ears, I'm better at giving advice that giving it to myself.

[Juliana74 in reply to Lostandbroken]

Thank you for your kind response. I'm gonna contact you.

[Strongheartforever]

This guy will end up hurting you badly. You’re wasting your life with him. He will never change. This is the behavior of an abuser, a man who may end up causing you bodily harm. That’s not anxiety, it’s way beyond that. This guy is not stable and you can’t fix him. I repeat, you can’t fix him. Please know there are golden men out there, droves of them, who will treasure you and love you deep down to the heart of your soul. Don’t you know you deserve a good man? You deserve a good man!! Please please break free. The pain won’t last long and you need to be freed up to be available to a man who you deserve and who deserves you.

[Juliana74 in reply to Strongheartforever]

Thank for your advice. I think you're absolutely right and I need to rethink my life and choices.

[amoeba43]

I'm so sorry that you've been going through this. It sounds exhausting and painful.

My impression, from the language you have used, it seems like you've come to a place where you know what the answer is for you. That's good. None of us really know you, your husband, or the situation you've found yourself in. You know the answer. And you can do whatever it is you need to do to live the life you choose for yourself.

I will say that, in my opinion, justification is irrelevant here. Justification can be given for literally anything. It's the why, and relies on subjective human empathy to sign off on it. The question is, looking at those behaviors, are you okay with them becoming your reality? Because there will always be justification for them. Conversely, can you justify enduring them, day in and day out? If yes, yes. If no, no.

I will also add that love is not limited. In our culture we like the idea of soulmates and romanticize sacrifice for the ones we love, but rarely does the sheep rejoice in the slaughter when it comes down to it. You are allowed to love more than one person, y'know? There's the person you meet at the alter of course, but most importantly there's yourself. Is that relationship being honored?

I hope you find the path that brings you joy and growth.