feeling trapped, I need a word

[vanessi]

Hello it's been some couple of months i haven't shared anything but this time, especially today i'm feeling very very bad. I will tell you why. Today i started feeling a bit stupid living in a life that i don't like

since i came back from Ireland my year has been a nightmare, first because the breakup but also for the debts i got cos the lack of job. i feel trapped in my debts at my 24 years old and i don't know what to do. I have two jobs but it is not enough, all money i earn every 15 days i spend it completly paying the debts. My mother is driving my crazy cos i ought her money but i don't know where else to get it, She says she doesn't have money either and we just had an argument for that.

Plus that i had a friend, this guy is or was in love with me since i had my ex, the thing is the man offered me his help and lent me some money, i didn't ask him the money but now i regret completly for me to accepted it.

he wants to have a relationship or at least sleep with me, and he sent me messages saying things like "i miss you" "when do we meet" "i'm thinking about the future" he also wanted to show me his new home that he just bought. I started feeling very uncomfortable so i always said i was too busy to meet him up, and i was, i just said i have two jobs but obvs i did have some time free but definately i was not interested in spending my time with someone that was making me feel akward. The thing is he just texted me cos i was gonna meet him tomorrow, and i was gonna say to him that he shouldn't confuse our friendship like something else but i wrote it to him on a message cos he was constantly saying he missed me and loved me.

he obvs got mad and demanded his money back in a rude way so i said i was gonna give it back but he was a very pathetic man cos i didn't want to have anything with him he now wants the money. Before he didn't need it, he has lots of money and believe me, he doesn't need it at all, it is just a way to f**k my life up!!!!

when i accepted the money i said to him i wasn't sure when i was gonna give him the money back cos i didn't have job and had to pay debts to the bank and it doesn't wait! Now i don't know what to do and i just had a breakdown cos i feel desperate and trapped. I haven't saved any money to move next year cos the debts and now i feel very worried. I don't know where to get the money to pay

i think i shouldn't get stressed but i can't help it!

Any suggestion? advice? comment?

i need a word heeeeeeeelp

[Krazie]

Vanessi, when a guy offers you something, you can just about bet the bank account, he wants something in return.

You are to be commended for trying to pay your debts. I know it is hard, but keep at it, and in the end, you will be glad you did. Are they the kind of debts that can reduced by a little each month, or we talking about living expenses?

Maybe you could sit down with your mom, show her how much you have coming in every paycheck, and how much you have to pay in debts. Also, working out a budget can help. We don't usually realize how much we are spending when we get something for a few dollars here, a dollar there. If you can determine how much is left over from paying debts, you will have a better understanding of how much you have to actually spend on the 'little' things. Or maybe how much you don't have.

Good luck. It is so hard to have money troubles. It makes everyone grumpy.

[vanessi in reply to Krazie]

they are between the ones can be reduced but also the living expenses. i got the debts to live when i didn't have a job, and i've been paying it since february and i just can't see the light at the end of tunnel yet, plus the money i use to live day by day.

i will try save money the much i can but it hasn't helped me to finish with my debts

[Krazie in reply to vanessi]

Maybe saving isn't an option right now. Sounds as if you are trying to keep your head above the living expenses. If you borrowed money, often you can go to the one who loaned you money, explain your situation, that you are trying to repay, but you need to reduce your monthly payments. They will usually agree, because you are still trying to pay something. They tend to think that it's better to get something, than to get nothing. Living expenses are more fixed, and harder to reduce. If you pay electricity, then keeping the lights out as much as possible helps. Try to use less water, if you pay a water bill. Skip using the dish washer - they use a huge amount of water. Limit time in the shower. Keeping the thermostat on a lower setting, reduces heating costs. Just wear layers, and/or a sweater. More blankets on the bed.

I hope all of this helps. these are things I had to do when younger. it works, but you have to be disciplined.

[vanessi in reply to Krazie]

thank you for your advice, i've been crying the last 2 hours cos i don't know what to do. I will try to be more disciplined.saving money due to the "little things" i want to finish with this.

it has been one of the worst years of my life. i haven't been happy once this year. i try to be patient but i can't.

I feel so alone, i feel i have no support.

THANK YOU AGAIN

[Krazie in reply to vanessi]

I am happy that you feel I have been of help. This time is but a short blip in your life, and it will pass. You will be stronger for having dealt with it and made it through to the 'other side'. You sound like a very level headed young lady. I feel sure you will get through this. Many, if not most ,people go through something like this during their lifetime.

Anytime you want to talk to us, we are here to listen. You are not alone.

Try not to worry, and have a good night's sleep.

[Marshall64 in reply to Krazie]

Very well said. I couldn't agree more and yes, most people do go through an episode like this in their life. I did once (almost twice) and came through it.

As Krazie said, try not to worry too much about it. Work on what you can control and realize that is all that you can do. This too shall pass.

[vanessi in reply to Marshall64]

Thank you, i just had a bad day too, and all this is affecting me cos i feel trapped. i've learnt that i don't need to worry too much for things i cannot control, but what happened with "my friend" took me down cos now i feel under so much pressure.

i'm still worried tho, i don't know when will be the day i will say i dd it!

[vanessi in reply to Krazie]

thank you so much i'll take it on count. Same for you