please don't read on if you're sensitive about that stuff
from ages 8-11 I was raped by my uncle. I still remember kicking and screaming and trying to get away from him as much as possible and sometimes I'll get a flashback from it and it's like I go into a different dimension for a moment. it's given me terrible PTSD and now when I even smell cigarettes or see a knife sitting in a door, I freak out and have a panic attack. (he smoked a lot and in my old house, the door didn't have a lock so he'd shove a knife into the door to make nobody came in) last night I had I nightmare that I was in this really small room that didn't have anything but a bed, a toilet, and a shower head in it and he would come in a lot and do it again. yesterday, a girl in my English said that life doesn't hand you cruel situations. you choose to be in them yourself, which made me feel like this was ALL my fault, even though I didn't know what was happening or how to stop it. I can't go to my parents because they still don't know. I don't want to go to my friends because I know they're tired of me. so now I'm here. I don't know what to do
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I think the girl in your class was talking about adults as many things are down to life decisions then, but it is completely inappropriate when referring to a child who can't defend themselves. This was most definitely NOT your fault but your rapist uncle's so put the blame fairly and squarely where it belongs. He chose as an adult to abuse you and you had no choice.
I am wondering how many years ago this happened and whether you told your parents? If you did what happened? As it stopped at 11 I presume they took action.
Whatever, you are clearly suffering from PTSD and you need therapy to help you deal with it so you can move on with your life.
As far as I'm concerned, and all decent people, child rapists are the scum of the earth and need severely punishing as children must be protected from horrific crimes like this.
There are a number of members here who have been sexually abused as children and I am sure they will come in to support you soon. Sending big fat cyber hugs your way. xx
I never told my parents. it gradually stopped because I was able to get away from him as he's getting old. he still gives me the same looks and everytime nobody is around and he's near me, he'll still try to touch me. I can't afford therapy and I know that if I tell my moms, they'll be even more disappointed in me. they don't know that I have depression or anxiety because I'm able to hide it well, hence the reason I'm coming here for support
It makes me physically sick to think that you would not be able to tell your mother, and that you would think they would blame you....this was not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong, your were a child and they were the adult, it's your mothers job to protect you from abuse, no matter who the abuser is.....your uncle should be in prison and you should be getting therapy.......abusers groom the child with guilt, threats, fear, shame, blame, etc....and none of this is on you.....YOU DID NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS. Please tell someone....please
Hi. You are not over-reacting! Anyone who said what that girl said has not lived a life yet. That statement reminds me of a little dog that barks...a lot!
I think that it is so important to not share information like yours with a lot of people. The reason why is obvious. Most people are scared to death of something like that, and it brings out fear in them.
Your feelings are important to deal with. You are doing that here anonymously, and that is good!
And most importantly you are in no way responsible for the harm inflicted on you. You have friends here that understand.
So.. why exactly are you now keeping your uncle safe and protecting him, by not telling it all to parents and police?
Noone judges a rape victim nowadays.
I think you are having flashbacks and these nightmares EXACTLY because you are not settling with your past. Make his life s**t, it will free you.
Similar thing happened to my mother - her father died and stepfather was indifferent or heavily abusive to kids (he spanked them with belt). She still sometimes will remember this and she's 60. Imagine that even this semi-traumatic childhood remained with her for so long.
And my "cure" for her was to meet the stepfather, before he dies (he's 80) and tell it to his face that he dies alone exactly because of his actions. Basically just pour all she has, and leave him without apology options.
It works, because now, instead of those bad past memories we got fresh memories of confronting evil. Good memories.
So you do you and take care of your past (just don't go all kill-hungry on people) - tell it to parents, police (trust me, some problems like this are better left to be handled by people without emotional involvement), uncles wife, kids etc. Do it systematically and have your story or evidence in check.
because he's still my family and I don't want to hurt my family. the police here are terrible and never do their jobs which is why I never bothered to say anything
No he is not family as he stopped being that when he abused you. If you think it will help you heal then do you want to tell your family? Do you think your parents would understand and support you?
You are the one who is important in this, not your uncle and he deserves everything he gets. Another thought is I wonder how many other children he has done (and still is?) this to? Have you any siblings or cousins? If so maybe test the water with them first? x
I think they would be horrified you never told them and have been carrying the whole burden by yourself. Did your cousin ever tell and if so what happened? x
I understand what that girl was saying and I understand what route she takes to get through life. However it’s cruel to just say that without explaining how you got there.
I was gang raped at 17 at college. I was asked why I had on what I was wearing. I was taking the short cut to class.
Anything to include rape that another person chooses to do in their lives that effects on you is not your ‘fault’. We do have to deal with the consequences.
Your uncle is a nasty skanky low life. You had no protection. A young girl is generally no match for a grown man.
Now you go get any kind of therapy you can get. It’s all helpful in its own way. The cumulative effect will help you overcome and take your power back.
I’m going to guess that person was in some stage of healing as well. She had moved into the existential phase. This is when we learn something from events; good or bad. Never waste a hurt. Learn something. For me it was how to be powerful and overcome slime balls. I went to arrogance to humble and along the way learned to hold a lot of hands.
Get a trauma therapist. Learn what you can on your own and talk here. Your first step is over already. You shared. Now keep sharing.
You are a blessing 💛 You are loved 💛 You will overcome 💛
Btw there are YouTube videos on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that are very helpful. Make sure they’re done by a MSW or LFT. I did most of that type of therapy on my own since I didn’t have time to see a therapist.
Hi there. You cannot confide in your family as you know it will break your family. Confidences between friends are not safe so you feel isolated from any type of help. You are wise to keep away from your uncle and may feel better retiring to your room to shut him out. Your determination to make an independent life for yourself is to find out what you want to do when you leave school and work towards it. Sport hobbies and interests are a good way of trying to deflect from painful experiences. You are not over eacting to tv story lines but may be choose documentaries such as wild life or comedy films. Avoidance may be the best form of therapy.
Sorry but I disagree totally with this. The victim of the abuse is the important one and if she would feel better telling her family then that's what she must do. Of course it will include consequences but they shouldn't be the main consideration. Apart from anything else her abuser needs to be punished and stopped from doing this to anyone else. x
It's the fall out and poor services then the family goes to crash mode. It's not an ideal world. Exposure can affect people so they feel worse. Treatment for post traumatic stress disorder makes the victim relive experiences so they can't study or enjoy themselves. You are so caring.
First to all. Is not your fault, your uncle is a bastard and he deserves the worst in this world, you need to talk with somebody about that, he needs to pay for what he did.
I admire you because you are really Brave to talk about this, the life sometimes looks like a piece of shit, but with the time you will be better
It was not your fault, he or she was a terrible person who did a terrible thing. The fact that you have lived through this is truly amazing, keep going.
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What should I do?
I did it
Am I overreacting? I need your opinion
I feel dumb
why am I alive?
