What should I do?

[Tgirl77]

I have been dealing with anxiety and depression for a little over 20+ years. Here's the situation that happened, and it's not just from my point of view. Today a person came to my house unannounced. Now mind you, I HATE when people just pop up over your house. So I was in the middle of working on a project when she came by. Okay first thing, I got a phone call and a text from the person, but I was working on my project at the time and did not know who it was. So I did not answer my phone because I was working on my project. Next thing I know there was my doorbell ringing. I had my back to the window so I did not see who passed by it. I was still working on my project. I thought it was UPS delivering a package at first because I had ordered something, but I know the expected date was later than today. So I thought they had sent it earlier. My daughter gets up and looks out the peep hole. She then says, "it's so and so!" I told her not to answer the door because that person had not called me before popping up. Mind you she actually did call before coming, but remember I had no knowledge that she had called because I never answered my phone or saw a text. My phone was in the room next to where I was. So a few minutes later my husband called me asking if someone had been over to the house? I told him he already knew the answer to his own question. I didn't understand why he was acting like he had no foreknowledge about someone coming over. As if I was not going to tell the truth or something. That pissed me off because I already knew that he knew someone came over. So then he goes on to say that this person came over just because they were concerned about me and wanted to see how I was doing. That he had known the day before that she was coming by. I felt like it would have been nice to have gotten the heads up first. So then his story changed and he said he didn't know that she would be coming over that she told him that she would be calling me instead. So I felt like they were trying to set me up by doing some sneaky stuff. Mind you i have seen them actually do this to someone else before me. So I felt like they were doing the same to me. I had already been telling people, including my husband, to leave me alone because I'm trying to figure out things on my own. Those things were just part of my life. Things I wanted and didn't want. Just basically my life choices. So this blow up even more to the point I start cussing husband out. For one he kept making it seem like I was wrong for not answering the door and two for not calling/texting her back. Now remember I still had no knowledge at the time that she had even called or texted, so we got into a huge argument this time. I still to this point want to leave because we had already had been arguing about my anxiety and depression how he does not understand how it feels having it. So this was the last straw. I am tired of always having to explain everything I do and everything that I say or don't say to him and anyone else. I want to get my own place and be through with this marriage. I am very very tired of it. First question was I wrong second is should I stay?

[jkl5500]

First answer: In all fairness, this person did attempt to contact you before coming over. She didn't know that you were busy, and didn't want to interrupted. So she didn't really come over unannounced.

I don't know why your husband changed his story, or why those two pull "sneaky stuff" on other people. But I can't honestly say you were 100% in the right here. This woman did try to contact you first.

Second answer: I don't have the slightest idea whether you two should stay together. I do think you need some couples counseling, at the very least. There seems to be a lot of mistrust going on here.

[Tgirl77 in reply to jkl5500]

Yeah there is most definitely a lack of trust. He did suggest counseling, but he has suggested it before after other arguments which makes me believe that he just says this just to put me at ease. I don't really believe he wants to go.

[jkl5500 in reply to Tgirl77]

If you're really at the point of leaving him, then the time for counseling is now. I'm sorry if that's blunt, but I'm just basing this on what you've written.

[Tgirl77 in reply to jkl5500]

Thanks, I'll give it a try.

[chanteuse3342]

You have to learn to be clear about your needs. I am the same way. My mother-in-law calls when she hears I am down. I politely send her an email and thank her for the concern. I also state (again) that in these moments, I find that I just need some space. I'm sorry if not answering the phone (or door) seems rude, but this is just how I have learned to cope. Going out and socializing when I am down makes it worse. When you are calm, just explain this to your husband and ask him to trust you. If he did not care, he would not try to intervene...so there must be a part of him that is still invested in the marriage. Please hang in there. So many of us out here are going through such similar things.

[Tgirl77 in reply to chanteuse3342]

You hit the nail right on the head. I told him I'll give it one more try, but only with counseling for the both of us. If this doesn't work then I got to bounce. Thank you so much for the advice.