I feel dumb

[MandyBueno]

I feel dumb but i have been acting like a complete idiot so that can tell. With anxiety came along a plenty of insecurities, when i was young i could Handle it well but as i grew up things got worse to the point i couldn't recognize myself. I Will sum it up. A Guy has being playing me, worst thing of all he has a gf and then i'm the second option, or no, Maybe i'm the last option. Cause i know he is a bad person. We've been on and off for almost two years and he Always played me but it got worst. Firstly it is so easy for him to choose anybody over me. And this past days i got sick and had to be hospitalized for about four days, i received messages from everyone and he didn't even care i was at the hospital with a serious infection that could actually kill me. Yesterday he saw me and Said that he didn't send me because he thought i might wanted to rest. Excuses are part of all. I feel horrible because i was not designed and nobody was, to be the sidechick. I'm so aware that i deserve so much more but still i can't let go of this negativity which lurs me into this person. If somebody could help me with an encouragement it would totally serve me. I know that what i'm doing is wrong soo wrong, and i want to stop it but don't know why. And it's not someone easy to avoid, we see each other four days a week because we have classes together and he seats in front of me and ..... we take the same bus. What the hell do i do?

[Hidden]

Hi MandyBueno,

I am sorry that you are having such a rough time. Unfortunately, your post sounds kind of familiar. I have been there due to bipolar and/or attachment issues. I had to work it out.

Your bf needs to know that he has been canceled... cut off completely. If he doesn't care enough to check on you when you are hospitalized, he can kick rocks because the "side piece" game is over. Pretend he is invisible. He will wonder what's going on, but let him stay in the rear view mirror.

[MandyBueno in reply to Hidden]

It is hard. By the way he is not even close to be my bf thank god because of that. I Will do it

[Hidden in reply to MandyBueno]

I know it's hard, but it will get easier as time goes on. One day you will wonder why you even bothered with him.

"A real man can't deny a woman's worth."

[Marshall64]

You deserve better than that. This guy is taking advantage of you and probably knows what buttons to push to keep you hanging around. You are a worthy person; worthy of a guy who just wants to be with you and would have been at your bedside right on day one.

You are young and have plenty of time to find the person who is your true soulmate. Don't let your insecurities keep you from finding happiness. The more time that you are with this guy means less time that some great guy will have the opportunity to find you.

[crowningglory19]

Wow, I'm so sorry. That is hard! I know the anxiety of letting go is hard even in bad relationships. I would say keep purposely picturing him with the mask of a devil to remember his meanness to you and lack of love or loyalty. That might help you get over him and keep distant. Sit somewhere else, and avoid eye contact w him so you don't get sucked in again. Find other things to entertain your mind and heart, do things you love, art, music, volunteering. Get outside with other friends and laugh, watch funny movies-laughter heals. Also, magnesium malate is great to calm the mind body and spirit and ginseng is great to get rid of those loopy sticky negative thoughts in the head. Go to counseling if you feel you need to. Many churches offer it free. Keep breathing deep and blowing out the stress and fear. Let go - you will fly, hold on - you may drown. You can do it on your own, and will never find true love if you settle for being second. <3