I am feeling anxiety and depression

[lonelyandforsaken]

Hello, group I am new here so nice to meet you all.

Today I am not feeling too good I recently lost my best friend/boyfriend. I am super depressed because I felt like he was the only person on this earth that understood me. We had a strong bond because while everyone else thought we were weird we actually got each other. I am so depressed trying to live life without him.

I just don't know how to feel. The few people that do still talk to me don't want to deal with me anymore because they feel I should just forget about him. It's just not that easy. Especially because he and I were just fighting before he accidentally killed himself. I don't believe it was suicide but I don't know.

I feel like Im being haunted and he blames me for his death. I have to deal with myself in my apartment all alone and no one wants to hear me talk about him.

I know I need professional help as well because he died outside my apartment window he jumped and or fell into the river and drowned. Every time I go into my refrigerator I have to look out at the river he died in. I am so alone and so depressed I don't know how to process it.

I used to be a go-getter working 7 days a week 10 to 12 hours a day. He died on February 5th every since that date I don't do anything but sleep, drink liquor, and lay around my apartment all day every day pretty much. Any kind words, encouragement, or opinions are appreciated.

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Where you and your loved one were arguing and or fighting and a few hours later they were gone from this earth. I keep having dreams about him too.

[Sillysausage234]

Hi , and welcome here’s another hu site you might get something from

[lonelyandforsaken in reply to Sillysausage234]

Thank You

[Sillysausage234]

healthunlocked.com/bereavem...

[Hidden]

Hi friend. I'm very sorry for your loss. I don't know the right words to say to make you feel any better, but there are ppl in this community who may relate to your situation. You are going through a difficult time, and I wish someone is with you right now to give you a hug and keep you company. If not, I'm here and I hear you. Please don't blame yourself for what happened before your friend passed away. No one really knows what goes on in anyone's lives. You need to take care of yourself and when the time is right (only you would know when you're ready), please reach out and seek help.... I hope and pray that some day when you look out the window and see the river, you will be reminded of your friend's beautiful life and that he's smiling back at you.

[b1b1b1]

I am so sorry. I have lost my husband; grief is a very painful emotion and it takes time to even begin to recover and move on a bit. The circumstances under which you lost your friend make it even more difficult, as does the fact that you were arguing. You might want to consider bereavement counseling. If you are even a little religious, talking to a priest, minister or rabbi might be helpful.

[lonelyandforsaken in reply to b1b1b1]

My condolences and thank you for the advice. I will consider every option for my mental health.

[Weatherwoman]

Though my circumstances are a little different, they are also similar in that I lost my Sig. Other last Nov. We had been together for 27 years. Since he has passed, I struggle every day with the loss. I took care of him for the last two & one-half years of his life. While I loved him to pieces (he loved me as much), there were times (many) when I felt completely burned out physically & mentally, & emotionally. We hurt each other verbally, at times, as the Stress & fear of his illness was Too much. I am dealing, too, with regrets that I so wish that I could have been better, done things differently, acting differently, at times, the list goes on & on. I am now seeing a grief counselor, have a grief support group, found a grief support group on Face Book where many talk about the guilt & regrets that can accompany the grief process. I hope that you will find a grief counselor, grief support group, check out FB, too, and I do believe that HU has a breavement (sp) community. Take care of yourself, and do try grief therapy. Praying for all of us.

[lonelyandforsaken in reply to Weatherwoman]

My condolences and thank you. I will try to get all that set up next week. I tried to deal with it on my own but it is impossible. Thank you for the advice I appreciate that

[Weatherwoman in reply to lonelyandforsaken]

You are most welcome. It's Too hard to deal with this on one's own, & it shows Strength, I think, to get help. Let us know how things go. Thx.

[Dolphin14]

Hi

I'm so sorry for your loss. We have a site that deals with PTSD. This is a very traumatic situation and you may want to post on there for support.

Can you add a trigger warning to your post? You just add it to the title. It's a delicate subject.

Please seek out professional help. This is a huge burden to carry on your own.

We are here for you

🐬

[designguy]

Hello and welcome and sorry for your loss. I lost a beloved brother of mine to suicide a number of years ago and one of the things i found and that has helped me is understanding and accepting that it wasn't my fault and that we really have no control over what another person does. I agree with the others here that you would benefit from grief counseling and you may also consider therapy to help you. You need to allow yourself to grieve and heal and also be kind, loving and supportive to yourself through this.