Giving life meaning

[Readerino]

Hi! Newbie here. Struggling with depression and anxiety—having a hard time finding meaning in the day to day despite my relatively privileged life. I have a lot of self doubt. My spouse is very supportive but I have this unfounded fear that he is resentful of my struggles. Also, I have just been really weepy lately. Looking forward to finding some support here!

[Hidden]

Welcome aboard friend! I'm so sorry to hear about the struggles you are facing right now. Nothing is worse than crying without relief or finding every daily tasks mundane. And I feel you on the classic 'everything in my life is great, so why am I so unhappy' feeling. You almost feel like a criminal for even having such feelings in the first place. Very frustrating!

You certainly have come to the right place. There are a lot of helpful and kind people on this site who offer a lot of support. You're always welcome to talk to me whenever you need to!

[Readerino in reply to Hidden]

Thank you ❤️

[explorerPHX]

i understand what you are talking about. it's like objectively, your life is fine, but you are still struggling and you almost feel guilty for feeling that way. being weepy, definitely been there ... i have times like that too.

good to hear that your spouse is very supportive. you are absolutely in the right place, lots of supportive people around here.

[CatIsMyCopilot]

"My spouse is very supportive but I have this unfounded fear that he is resentful of my struggles."

Yes, this is hard for me too >_< I'm always apologizing for bringing sadness into my husband's life.

[Sunshine425 in reply to CatIsMyCopilot]

Same </3 Its so hard. But my fiancé is as supportive as a person can be in a relationship. Im lucky. However I doubt myself everyday. Im always wondering will I push him away? Will he give up on me down the road? Getting married next spring. Need to figure this out.

[CatIsMyCopilot in reply to Sunshine425]

Congratulations on your engagement! It sounds like you picked a good one. One nice thing about being married is that it formalizes what you both probably already feel: you're in this together.

I wrote a kinda long post here awhile back about how I've dealt with talking to my husband about this stuff. Just in case it's relevant / helpful to you:

healthunlocked.com/anxiety-...

[Sunshine425 in reply to CatIsMyCopilot]

Finally sitting down to read that long post now as I could use any advice. Seems me feeling so good lately is coming to a hault. Been struggling with insomnia tonight and last night. Ill reply after I read : )

[summerdaysmiles]

I too feel you on the fear of resentment. I'm experiencing similar feelings right now and I'm intensely afraid of scaring my boyfriend away.

[Hidden]

You can have insecurities and phobias no matter your life style. You sound like you need self esteem. You sound like you need a challenge. If you have money you could hire a life coach to help you find fulfilling activities and goals. I know for me I used to be a daredevil now I’m a wreck. What I do know is small challenges & succeeding helps me. & I also find going out of town by myself with no objective but to enjoy things lunch out by myself somewhere making small talk to people or smiling at them. Buying myself a treat at a cool looking pastry shop a slow paced environment going to a museum having no clue about the artists .. ideas

[lillyofthevalley37]

The only meaning I have found in life is God and Jesus and even so I still struggle

The world seems to be in a dark place atm is it any wonder people are depressed , I am always having a cry about the state of the world

I hope you continue to look for meaning because that's how you will.grow in wisdom also hoping you find relief from depression

[lillyofthevalley37]

He's waiting to hear from you

[lillyofthevalley37]

What's your faith like ? Are you just testing to see if God is there or are you sincerely approaching Him?

[lillyofthevalley37]

Look around at people with all sorts of illnesses and misfortune, this life is tough it is meant to be . God will forgive you for what you did - were you manic / high when it happened?

[lillyofthevalley37]

Sorry I don't want to pry about what happened

I just want you to know that God does hear you He hears every word you say to Him

Ask Him what to do about your situation

[lillyofthevalley37]

Were you diagnosed manic depressive after the trauma like in your 50s?

[Hidden]

You can pry it’s fine..I was diagnosed manic 6 months after the trauma. Never ever was I prone to such behavior. Now the only thing that gets me through the day is clonazapem and anti depressants. My life is a nightmare, I feel abandoned.

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to Hidden]

I'm sorry about that, but there is always hope ? There is hope for you to get back to normal or a good new normal

[Hidden]

I hope you are right. I am struggling every day. If it weren’t for my family, I would be not be here as my life is a living nightmare unless I take klonopin.