It's never going to get better.

[deadmanwalkingSCH]

Nobody will ever understand what living with depression is like. They will try to help but give up on you to easy. I hate it when they say just get up and do something it is a beautiful day. Easier said than done. I have been fighting this shit my whole life. I don't think I am a burden on my family, I am a burden on my family. It's going to look like an accident.

[Bee1232]

I totally feel you I have been dealing with this shit my whole life... I’m tired...

[Sunnidayz1]

Theres always help out there if u reach for it.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. People who say nonsense to you are not educated in emotional health. A lot of people arent. Seek support from others and your community. Like I said there is help out there.

[StayPositive333]

I know your feelings that no one understands what you go through or how you feel. I fight with myself everyday telling myself to eat better or get up and do something, anything. I have a hard time taking my own advise. It's rough. Today I started a journal of what I accomplished. I did much more then yesterday so I'm going to use this as a tool every day to push myself however small. Know you're not alone and know YOU ARE WORTH IT!

[deadmanwalkingSCH in reply to StayPositive333]

Thank you for the advice and for just being here. I get it when you said you have a hard time taking my own advice I do the same thing. Like i always said, It's easier said than done. ..........Sometimes just letting me know that you're here. It is good enough for me. ........Steve

[StayPositive333 in reply to deadmanwalkingSCH]

Steve, We're all in this together and sometimes just telling your feeling at least gets it off your chest + knowing you're not alone and that we understand and "get it" helps a bit.. hope you're having a better day.. I'm here for you ...Joan

[Kainan]

Yeah you know it’s hard for people who have never gone through mental health issues to understand and offer the kind of support that you may feel that you need. Even some doctors, who may not be well trained in mental health, might not know how to help you. You can help yourself, but only when you feel ready. You’re the only one who knows what works for you and the kind of changes that need to be made to facilitate your recovery. Also, being around other people going through the same things for social support might be of great help. This forum is a great start. All the best

[deadmanwalkingSCH in reply to Kainan]

Kainan.li I want to thank you for the advice and your support. Finding someone well trained in mental health is not free and they want to get paid for there services. I tried the free rout for a year but they got impatient because they said I was not trying hard enough. We had an agreement that I would not give up or quit. She said the same, she said that she would never give up on me. She slowly stops helping me. I email her a couple of times when It got bad. I think she lost interest. She was a life coach. The only I will get help is if someone fiscally takes me or force me to go see a doctor. I saw that famous light over 20 years ago. I finally got to the end of the tunnel but the light went out it took a long time to get here. I can't go back that far and start over. The door is locked and I have been here in the dark for a long time waiting for the door to open or at least someone to through me a light. I remember a long time ago it would last all day then 2 days,3 days. Then the ESS cycles last a week, 2 weeks. Now the ESS Cycles have lasted as long as 30 days straight. What will happen when it reaches 31 days. That would be my last day or start over with day 1... Sorry, it took so long to reply, it gets hard sometimes for me to sit down and read my messages and harder to reply This took about 1 hour to finish. Friend..... Steve ............... I know my grammar sucks.

[Kainan in reply to deadmanwalkingSCH]

Hey, Steve. Yeah I get it. It's tough. I used to spend hours just writing a single post on here (well, writing and deleting, and writing, and then more deleting and on and on) I had a similar experience with a therapist I had. Things were going well for a time, but soon on I felt like I was slipping and the therapy turned very circular. Felt really stuck. And then one day, when I was at my worst, she said to me that she couldn't help me any more and had to let me go. I wasn't even disappointed; I knew that there was nothing left for me to say because I was so worn out. I was feeling hopeless. Nothing could get to me. Not even my family could help me. In fact, they thought it would be good for me to go into the hospital. I got there, and not even they could help me. I was at my wits end. Nobody could help me. Not even trained professionals. I needed to help myself. Only I could make the changes that mattered in my life. If you wait for the door to be opened or for someone to lead you through it into the light, then you'll be waiting for a very long time, my friend. Change has to first come from within. Acceptance of the right now. No negativity. No resistance. Wherever you are, by there totally. Presence is the key.

[deadmanwalkingSCH in reply to Kainan]

Thanks for being honest. Your right nobody can help me.

[Kainan in reply to deadmanwalkingSCH]

But you can help yourself. And people will support you along the way. The fact that you are here in this community says a lot about your willingness to seek help and to get better. We are all here to support one another.

[Hidden in reply to deadmanwalkingSCH]

He’s right...no sugar coating...

You have to be so angry disgusted and hopeless that you’re actually willing to help yourself. There are always good people to lean on though!!!!!

[Dolphin14]

It's a rough illness. I have a pretty good handle on my depression. I did those things that sounded impossible. Exercise was number one. I had always exercised but when I was at my lowest I stopped. I had to force myself back into it.

People don't know exactly what to say so they give suggestions. Some of them are worth a try. It's easy for us to say no we can't do it. But we have to force ourselves.

If I could only find a way to manage my anxiety I would be in great shape.

[Hidden]

I know exactly how you feel. I am struggling myself. I'm going to be 50 soon. I'm out of work, single gay male sharing a home with my sister. I've been suicidal since I was 12. Severe Depression has really messed me up along life's paths. I have known pain, loss, and suffering. Still I have struggled along to keep going. The best two things that has helped is exercise which is tough to keep doing, but the second connecting to people has been Life Saving. Know you are not alone in your feelings. There are people that understand and will walk right there beside you even if you feel depressed. They know that just having someone there means someone cares and will be there.

I am just on you screen, but I am here just like you.

[deadmanwalkingSCH in reply to Hidden]

Thanks you.

[Rlich]

Most people who are on this site do understand. I think it’s great that as a male; you are reaching out. Look at the statistics. I have posted stats so you can see them in my post section . They are staggering! Anxiety & depression alone . Not even counting other mental illnesses. I am a big proponent of meditation. It teaches us to believe in ourselves rather than others. It’s not about “ getting over it” but rather getting to know yourself & being comfortable in your own skin.

Namaste

[gerrerd]

The first thing you need to do is get your mind of yourself ! then think how may I serve ! if you focus on what is wrong that is what you get ! if you focus on helping other people your life will change ! this from someone who has know what it is like for 48 years !

[sadskies00]

Man i feel this.

[Uselesswaves]

Dead man Walking: I do know how you feel. You really are right.. I have said same thing..its about getting rid of people taking ssi from government role. but mainly its the mentally I'll they want gone...we are good for nothing and can be pigeoned hole into that..

I hope that you are OK nobody cares if I live or die..its inhumane..really it is..

[Hidden]

Friend I’m so sorry you feel this way...and unfortunately most around us don’t struggle as we do.

We need help and support from other sad crazy people so we don’t feel so alone.