It never gets any better

[mom483]

I am so sick and tired of this. Struggling with depression, anxiety, and poverty all my life. Everyone always says "Hang in there, it will get better." No it doesn't. Some days might be better than others which gives you that tiny glimmer of hope, until the next day when it gets doused just as quickly.

No one cares. I mean that seriously. NO. ONE. CARES. They might pretend to listen at first, but it's only so they can get past "your stuff" to get to the more important stuff.. THIERS. Some don't even listen that long. They figure they answered your text or call, that's good enough.

Getting disability is the only thing that keeps me afloat. Last week, I found out about a pension fund that my previous employer had. It could only be accessed at age 55. I found out today that I cannot get a lump sum payout (@$6,000) because I was REQUIRED to work for the company until age 55. Since I left earlier due to the toxic work environment and ultimately disability, I am only allowed to get a monthly payment of $30. I was under the impression that the fund could be accessed at age 55.

So, since I have so much wasted time on my hands, I created an ebook to help people keep track of their medical history, including: vaccinations, allergies, screenings, family history, etc. It took me a year to create it. I thought maybe I could earn some extra money to maybe save up for a car. I put it on etsy, I even offered it to local customers for 50%. I sent copies of it to local clinics to give to their patients for free. No one even responded.

I'm so tired of barely holding on. I just want to let go.

[Hidden]

I can sadly relate very well to what you’re saying. It can be a rough world out there. I’m surviving on disability, and I feel like this is no way to live. I can work but trying to work full time is too much for me. So I feel like I’m living an empty life. I’m very frustrated. And there are no easy answers. It’s a catch 22. I don’t want to live like this. I know Ishould try to say something to try to cheer you up but I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s rough.

[mom483 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. You are absolutely right, this is no way to live. Once you get stuck in this trap, there is no way out. I would have to earn about $30k to just break even. I am so isolated, there is no where to go. Uber is too expensive. the bus service is pretty much non-existent in my area. The only thing reliable thing about the paratransit it that it will waste your entire day. I just wanted my independence back. everything has been taken away and it seems like no matter what i do, it doesn't get any better. I have signed up for a VNS Trial, but even if I get approved, how will that affect my life? Will I just be happy to be poor and alone instead of depressed, poor, and alone?

[Hidden in reply to mom483]

There just are no easy answers. Know that I care. You’ve got to make the best of things.

[mom483 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you!

[compasnet]

I'm tempted to aay hang4in there but I thought twice about it having youread your insightful post. Instead I'll just say I'm here for you.🙏

[mom483]

Thank you!