i dont get it

[storm2243]

i have always been the person for people to talk to. i give very general advise, what they want to hear because i know that people need to vent sometimes, play devils advocate even. i have had neighbors, friends, and family talk to to me because i always keep their secrets safe. why is it so hard to tell people what im thinking/feeling? i feel like a burden and i know its not true but i cant get it out of my head. im 47 years old and have been doing this all my life , i just started opening up to people (and they are responsive) but i feel like all i do is complain now. i feel like i talk about my life and "situation" to much are they going to stop talking to me? i still feel the need to ask about stupid sh*t like the new couch or their vacation while im homeless and dying inside

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

It's usually a sign of trauma. I, myself, am the go to person for people, friends, family to talk to. Because I listen and give my undivided attention. Or whatever they are seeking.

However no one really knows my troubles and struggles. Mainly it's because I feel they won't reciprocate. And I feel like I would be burdening them with what they may be already going through.

From my trauma I learned to be self reliant. Mainly because I didn't know what was wrong with me at the time. Then when I did know, I didn't want to be misunderstood or a burden. Also I have found that people weren't there for me when I eventually did reach out.

It's hard opening up to people. Because you don't know if they will handle your feelings with great care as you have shown them. Plus people are often so uncomfortable when it comes to bad, sad feelings. People do the utmost to avoid it. But that isn't life. So I get ya, you don't want to feel like you're a Debbie Downer. But you are like anybody else and want to share what's going on with you and get encouragement or just someone to talk too. Remember you can always come hear to vent if you feel like you are becoming "too much" for people in your circle.

Wishing you peace and healing 🫂 ❤️

[cashew78]

Agree with the above post. Sounds similar to my situation. Was taught anything I want and need was selfish, and it's my job to listen to others' wants and needs. The stress of that contradiction sent me into weird places and stressed out those around me, leaving me somewhat isolated. Isn't that isolation and independence what you were to stride for anyway? Spending decades trying to circle that square and actually stick up for myself calmly has driven me mad. It's a wound I don't know how to address nor heal.

[blackcat64013]

Hi Storm2243,Thanks for your post. 👍

You are just being a good human.

People who generally are the givers don't always get back in equal measure.

Asking for and receiving help from others is not easy either as I have found out.

Have confidence that you are so worth it and deserving.

When the world overwhelmed me, I found that accessing support from an independent community was better than from family and friends who were didn't get me.

Let someone else help carry your load or at least share it with you here. 🐈‍⬛

[mizzou7016]

Because you are a helper...you feel better when you are helping...but what you forget.. as we all do.. is that you yourself don't think that you should be on your priority list of things/people to take care of...let alone be at the top of it...self care is critical

[Gramas]

I am so in tune with all the posters. I am a listener too and am always giving advice, helping out to the point I put my own needs to the side. I will go to a great extent to help them with their problems, detail by detail, point by point. However should I say something about myself all conversation comes to a halt.

At times it’s OK as it takes my mind off my own problems. Other times the conversation becomes utterly mundane or I get tired of their bragging and can’t listen anymore. And then sometimes I just wish someone would listen to me for a change.

[Gramas]

Hello,

Good to hear from you.

Is it just me or do people seem so self-involved these days? Seriously I help everyone out but whenever I need something (which is rare) there is dead silence. Don’t get me wrong though I like listening and helping out when I can, it does give me a purpose in life. So feel free to write lengthy posts, I like getting to know someone.

[kenster1]

when I see long posts my brain struggles to take it all in a short and sweet reply is better than none at all.

[storm2243]

i have no idea how to do private chat im very new to this site

[storm2243]

im glad to hear its not just me that it happens to but i feel bad that others feel the same way if that makes any sense at all . im sorry your day is not going good hopefully tomorrow will be better! my day isnt bad i actually started a new job today (after 13 years of not working) anxiety is way up but i feel like accomplished something

[storm2243]

nope but im kinda of computer illiterate lol