my first time here

[samt2225]

I am not sure what I am supposed to say but this is the first time I talk about any of this like really talk . I usually talk to my sister but I dont want to burden her anymore she has anxiety and depression as well but we try not to talk to much because it can get dark some times. For a couple of months now I have been depressed, and I try to talk to my family but they just shrug it off like I dont mean what I am saying and today I decided that I want to be heard. I am trying so hard to find a reason to stay and not runaway but I just feel so numb, like my body is here but I am not. I want to try and really find one good reason to stay but I cant. I do have a loving family buut they are all just so busy and no one really has time to hear me or deal with me. i know that if i were to diaper it wold not really matter I feel like a burden and I know that they would be sad but I know that they would be sad for a month or even like three but then they would realize that it makes no difference. I mean I an not interesting at all I am not good at anything so I am just here surviving and no contribution to society or my family. The only other thing that is stopping me are my nice and my nephews, I don't want them to grow up with out someone that cares or listens to them as much as I can , but then again I don't think that they should grow up with a worthless aunt like me. I am not sure what to do but I honestly just want one good reason for me to stay and leaving for me would be anything but selfish because I have literally devoted my entire life to my family.

[bnick]

I'm new here also just joining and am about in the same vote family wise

[samt2225 in reply to bnick]

so what are we suppose to do ? nothing really works I want to talk to them but when I do they they make jokes and switch the conversation. Nice to have someone to talk to and I hear it a lot but its true its good to know that you are not the only person that feels this way.

[bnick]

To be honest I have no idea that's why I'm checking this out I hate going to counseling don't like depression meds my mom and son are the only ones that communicate with me not even my daughters I have a real complicated and messed up story or how my depression started I'm not comfortable putting on here yet

[samt2225 in reply to bnick]

I get that , its hard when you want to say something but you still don't feel okay with a situation. I have that conversation with myself every day because You are trying to move on or cope with it but you cant until you feel ready and its hard and sometimes the only way you can help yourself is by talking to yourself and trying to make sense of it on your own.

[bnick in reply to samt2225]

Thought I had this depression beat till bout two weeks ago got into it with my boss and just quit on the spot now here I am back in the same maybe worse situation and all I am doing is sleeping ALL day

[samt2225 in reply to bnick]

Are you eating? at least 2 times per day ? if not do it even if you don't want to and even if you see that there is no point in it try it and if your kids are over 18 be selfish pay attention to your needs , you will find it hard but it will be helpful in time. I am not a mother but I know that all children are draining even when they dont live with you. Focus on you entirely and take it as slow as you want to because after all of the work that you have put into your family you deserve it. What I try to do as much as I can to avoid any more stress is keep busy, no like workout if you dont want to, but being watch shows and read as meany books as you want to or scroll through the internet and when I feel like I am complete emerged I focus on tasks like cleaning my room or washing clothes anything as long as I want to . Then I go back and think one situation at a time on why I was feeling like that . That is literally how I made it to this website. and after studying a bit and posting here I feel so much better than when I posted at first.If sleep is what does it for you then that is fine as long as you eat and shower because as weird as it sounds that helps a lot on times of depression.

[bnick in reply to samt2225]

Yes I eat and shower my kids are not over 18 that's the sad part they all have seen their mother cheat on me and heard of how I handled the situation let's just say I didn't handle it the legal way and am now doing paper time that is when my spiral started and I have hit bottom and thought I was climbing back up but that's when the job thing happened now I find myself here

[Hidden in reply to bnick]

I got really depressed a year ago and lost 70 pounds. Turns out I damaged my liver. I am healthy now. Make sure you eat.

[Hidden]

Hi welcome samt and brick.

I find it really helps being here, reading posts and interacting with people who understand. It’s a great outlet, and there’s lots to learn from here to enable us to better manage our mental health problems.

Im glad you found us here and reached out.

Hope it helps ! It’s a good start for sure ..🌺🌼

[bnick in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Olivia40 I hope it helps me and hope I can help others on my journey

[Hidden in reply to bnick]

Yes I hope so too. 😊

Good wishes x

[Hidden]

I'm new here, too, samt2225, and I'm happy to read your (sad) post. I can identify with what you've said.