I’m a Newbie

[Aejia]

Hello,

I’ll try to make a long story short... After my husband left me in December 2017, the following spring my doctor diagnosed me with extreme situational depression. I was put on Lexapro ,and it helped immensely. In October 2018, after months of rejection, I landed a great job. The beginning of this year was great. Husband and I were ready to get divorced, we were successfully co-parenting, and my life was stable. After training in my new career, I was assigned to a manager. She was known to be very critical, and she immediately bombarded me with negative feedback. On March 19th, I was diagnosed with a severe case of pneumonia. On March 21st, my dad called 911, and was slated for open heart surgery. Before they could operate, he suffered from massive cardiac arrest, and passed away on March 22nd (Friday). I couldn’t take FMLA, and when I returned to work the following Monday, I was informed by my manager she was going to place me on a Performance Improvement Plan.

In May, I discovered my dog had osteosarcoma (bone cancer), and his left front leg was amputated. I was trying to take care of my dad’s affairs, and was struggling with my workload. I was fired in June for under-reporting my hours. I have been re-hired as a substitute teacher, but I have no medical benefits. Due to finances and personal hardships, my husband and I agree that a divorce isn’t feasible this year. If I don’t land a full-time job by the end of the year, he’s willing to put me back on his benefits.

I have always battled anxiety, and was overjoyed that I was coping well with all the horrible things that have happened this year. However, having my former manager dispute my unemployment appeal (I was denied unemployment because I violated company policy for not correctly reporting my time) has been the proverbial straw that broke my back.

Since I don’t have health insurance, I can’t afford a therapist. And I don’t want to go on an antidepressant again. However, I am severely depressed, and highly anxious about the future. I’m not suicidal like I was last year, but I worry that could happen to me again.

Thank you for listening.

[Ellie0509]

hey, I know I am much younger than you and I can't even imagine the stress of what you are going through, but I get not wanting to see a therapist or going on antidepressants. I am really sorry you are going through this. Something that sometimes helps me in the moments I feel the weight of everything is to set out a plan for myself to how I am going to make myself better. Even watching my favorite TV show or cute cat videos sometimes helps. Know that you are not alone in this, and we are here to help you

[Aejia in reply to Ellie0509]

You are wise beyond your years, Ellie. Thank you so much for your support.

[mrmonk]

Welcome, Aejia. The accumulation of such loss and stress in so short a span of time is quite the burden to bear; I'm so sorry you are carrying that weight. I hope that sharing your troubles here will lighten your load, even if only a bit. There's almost always someone around if you need an empathetic ear. Take care and be well.

[advanced_owl]

Hi there, wow... you've been through a tough time, it sounds as though you need help/support. If you can't afford therapy have you considered doing e-therapy? There are many online free therapy platforms for anxiety and depression that are very good. Most are Australian and I came across them because I'm studying psychology at Uni. I was feeling quite down myself recently and went on to moodgym.com.au and spent a few hours on it and within a week I was feeling so much better. Its CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and designed for people who are isolated from city centres, or cannot afford sessions with a therapist. There are others as well but this one may be a good start for you.