One of the most shaming and scary things about my situation right now is accepting that I’m not “normal.” A couple of months ago, I was a (supposedly) normal woman with a good job, supporting myself in my own apartment, and working towards reconciliation with my long-term partner. I lost my job a little over a month ago, and now I’m frantic and scared much of the time.
I need a job; I know that. I apply for everything I see that looks even remotely like something I’ve done before. I’ve had 4 interviews and no offer yet.
I have an opportunity to move back in with my partner, continue improving our relationship, and look for a job in his town. I think this is the best course of action. I was working towards a better relationship with him for months before losing my job, so this isn’t as sudden as it might seem.
I suspect my father will not like this, so I’m planning to do it first and then tell him. I’m 55 years old, but I still fear my father’s disapproval. My mother died last year and I think my father wants me to move to the town where he lives, look for a job there, and then live out my life there. But my father lives a long way away (in a state that I happen to dislike.) If I moved there, I’d be leaving behind all my friends and activities in my current state (where I’ve lived all my life.) And, I might not ever see my partner again. My whole life would be uprooted.
I tried to tell my best friend about this yesterday on the phone, and she does not understand at all. I think she’s not even trying to understand. She thinks I should be more like her - strong, independent, unafraid.
I need to call my doctor tomorrow. I think I’ve had GAD all my life - I see patterns and symptoms in my past. This job loss situation (and dealing with my father and my best friend) is making things 100x worse.
I think most of what you are feeling has to do with losing your job and being out of work for a bit. Most of us, whether we realize it or not, derive a certadn amount of our self worth from the job we have. When we lose that job, we lose that sense of accomplishment, and self worth we derived from our job, which leads to reduced self confidence and ultimately increased anxiety. I wouldn't worry to much about your fathers approval, you're an adult and entitled to make decisions you think are best for yourself. I'm betting your anxiety will be markedly reduced when you find another job. Transition is always stressful, just try to roll with it and know that it will all work out, it's just a matter of time. Good luck and be well.