I’m at my breaking point

[CollegeNerd]

So my husband has been ignoring me for two days now after an argument we had over his son being disrespectful to me & how I feel left out when he’s around. My husband said it was me doing it to myself & I exclude myself. I feel as if I’m always the one left out or treated differently when there together. He says I find any reason to pick on his son, which I don’t feel is the case. When I say no to his son it’s for a reason & I explain my reasons to his son. However there are times his son will do things, his dad finds out gets mad at me for being hard on the little guy & then the little boy apologizes to me & then does the same thing the following week. I’m currently dealing with the death of my grandma who was like a mom to me & im dealing with it alone. My husband won’t talk to me about it or listen me talk about it. I havnt even really grieved my grandpas death from last year. I know I’m depressed, I have anxiety, I am a healthcare worker in a pandemic. I constantly feel like I’m drowning & I want out. Idk what to do anymore.

I’m trying really hard but I just can’t have a minute to breath. I feel unwanted in my own home. I have no one to talk to. I don’t talk to my family about it because I don’t want them not to like him. But I’ve called the suicidal help line twice within 5 months because I’m at my breaking point. I won’t do it because it will cause more pain to those I love, but in the moment it feels like the most perfect thing to do, no die but harm myself

This is the worst I’ve ever felt & ive felt pretty low before. He may not be physically abusive but right now the emotional and mental abuse is so much worse than a slice with a knife b

[AZOLA]

Did u ever spoke to his family about this?how old is this Boy?

[CollegeNerd in reply to AZOLA]

To who’s family. My husband? Or his kid? The boy is 8, so he knows what he’s doing because there are many times he will apologize but then does it again. My husbands family. Well.... they said that’s how he is. He’s not an “emotional person” he blames the fact that his mom died very young and his dad was pretty much checked out of there lives. He grew up with a step mom & she was pretty mean to them.

[CollegeNerd in reply to AZOLA]

But his family has told me that I deserve better. One of them just recently told me when they found out what happened that I need to take a break & go to my moms because this isn’t healthy & I need a break because this will break me. Even though I feel like it already has

[Minnie238 in reply to CollegeNerd]

That is a good suggestion from you friend! Leaving for a break helps a lot! Good luck!

[cbgrace1980]

I am so sorry you are feeling this. Your health is of the utmost importance here. Please talk with a counselor as soon as you can, I think it would be beneficial to you. This situation CAN improve!!!!

[Iammesues]

Is going to your mothers an option? Will it make things better or worse?

[CollegeNerd in reply to Iammesues]

I’m afraid it will do more bad then good. That’s why I havnt gone to my moms. My parents house is always welcome to me thankfully. Even though at times I feel tension from my own stepdad I do feel welcomed

[Iammesues in reply to CollegeNerd]

Such a young kid. Can you win him over with super kindness and over the top love? Despite what you are thinking inside be super smiley and accommodating and see what changes

[CollegeNerd in reply to Iammesues]

I’ve done that. Oh have I done that. That’s how I won the kid over in the first place, but recently it’s like he’s another kid. Idk if the quarantine or that he dosnt have school but he’s reverently started talking back, being hella more disrespectful. Like the other day he told me “it’s not my place to tell him what to do” or “my say dosnt matter” three weeks ago he got in my face, like literally in my face starring me down because I asked him to pick up the toys he took out into the living room. Knowingly knows that’s a basic rule we have in the house. He was inches away from my face. He later told me he was standing up to me. Idk where he’s getting this from but I told him dad & then his dad tells me “well what are you doing to him?”

TOTALLY disregards the fact that his kid is being disrespectful

[Kaytee1981]

A lot of what you say resonates with my situation. My husband is very close to our three girls, they've all become very close because of my suicide attempts and long spells in hospital, but I feel like the outsider looking in. I get they have had to become each others support network but I need my husband to be my support also. It's so hard when the one person your supposed to be closest too, seemingly chooses not to recognize that your struggling and need time, and support and affection and care in such a difficult time.

Maybe leaving the home temporarily wi give you both space to evaluate. And you should never worry about calling a helpline- if you need that input you need it full stop, same you speak with your GP too? Short term maybe some medication will help or they can refer you to counselling??

[CollegeNerd in reply to Kaytee1981]

I have called a help line twice already in the last 5 months. I am starting to see a therapist. But I do feel that he dosnt understand or he chooses not to see what’s going on. We’re constantly fighting about his son. I’ve been asking myself, is it worth it. I came from a step family myself. I’ve seen what damage it can do along with what good. I’m weighing my options at this point. But I don’t think it’s fair to feel like an unwanted guest in my own home at times

[Kaytee1981 in reply to CollegeNerd]

It doesnt matter how many times you call, if you need help then you need help. I spoke to my mental health nurse and have called a helpline straight after cos I needed more help.

You definitely shouldn't feel a guest in your own home, you need to open up about it and address the issues.

If you dont feel your therapist helps can you change? Or can you explain to your therapist what isn't working and what you need from them? You need to give them the opportunity to make it right.

[Timmypliskin]

Sounds to me that the boy is just a focal point of many underlying issues...

If it's at the point were your thinking of harming yourself, you definitely need to get help and probably away from the situation for a time.

Sounds like he, your husband, needs help too.

But definitely get out for a time, could be the wake up call he needs.

[Iammesues]

How are you? Such stressful times