I don’t know if this should be posted in this group but I need people to speak with as I can cope much longer. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and everything is great he’s absolutely perfect. But around 3 months ago I had bad thoughts including that I no longer love him for around 2 weeks, every day I cried and cried because I wanted this thought to go, I couldn’t bare to think about splitting up with him I couldn’t eat or sleep because of the thought. After those 2 weeks everything went back to normal, the thought went and everything was fine again. However now the thought is back and it is ruining my life again, I feel so guilty for feeling this and I am desperate for this thought to just be a thought and not true. I can’t imagine my life without him and I think the world of him I cry about it all the time. I don’t know what to do anymore but I can’t cope with it.
Bad thoughts : I don’t know if this... - Anxiety and Depre...
Bad thoughts
Hi
Sorry you're struggling with this.
5 years is a long time, seems like you're really happy, you've been together since you were 15 ?
Do you think you could dismiss these thoughts and wait for them to pass?
Try and distract yourself, think positive thoughts till you are feeling better?
Hi yes I was 15. I am so happy with him I wouldn’t want anyone else ever. I just can’t seem to get this thought out my head. Even whilst at work it keeps popping up. It really is making me feel ill xx
Try making a prepared, conscious effort to fight it.
Repeat positive thoughts in your head such as I really love - - - - . I'm so happy, blessed, thankful.
Do you believe in prayer?
Thankyou very much for your kindness, I really appreciate it! Erm no not really into that but again Thankyou.
Hope you overcome the negative thoughts, that are robbing you of your peace, and are able to replace them with positive thoughts.
God Bless (anyway!) xXx
♡
Do you have a therapist? I strongly recommend you talk this out with a therapist. It seems to me that perhaps for whatever reason you struggle with being happy. Perhaps, u say to yourself "This couldn't be real." Perhaps you have had trama in your past. Whatever the reason, I believe that a professional therapist can help you walk through those feelings
Thanks for replying, no I don’t have a therapist however I am on medication. Yes I feel you could be right, my mind always has to have a worry !!
You are so special and your deserve to be happy. Take the time to go see a therapist, you are worth the effort.
Thankyou for being so nice and thoughtful!
It sounds like the problem is not the thought itself, but rather the way you are reacting to it. You are engaging it, struggling with it, trying to make it go away, and this is what is causing it to persist. Instead, when a bad thought comes around, relax and allow the thought to be there. Just acknowledge it for what it is...just a thought, and nothing more. In this way you can eventually let it go.
I don’t want to sound technical because that sounds like I don’t care and I do. A single thought that doesn’t fit with your actions or desires can be either a obsessive thought or a delusion. I think you should talk to your therapist or doctor. It may be time for some CBT. You can view some on YouTube if you want.
Please be aware that you aren’t alone in this. It’s quite common and no other issue is needed. It does happen more in people with anxiety. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and don’t let it make you sad. Go get it taken care of.
Don’t let this take over your life. I wish peace and calm for you.
Doaty
Thanks so much, everything you said is true, I do really think it’s a delusion because surely if I didn’t love him it would be bothering me like this would it???
Everyone reacts different but you’re emotions lie to you in good and bad ways. We can’t always go up in our heads by ourselves. I’m so glad you shared.
May be you are thinking the grass is greener on the other side. As you have spent your teens with your boyfriend you are so close, and know each other inside out. Do you feel that may be your boyfriend has changed, or you are noticing some sides of your beloved which you are not used to. The fact is that nobody is perfect. we all have moods, and might say something we regret. Maybe your boyfriend has changed in appearance or has some habits which you don't like. May be you don't want to settle down or marry but want to live with your boyfriend? Are you ready to try to live with your partner before making any decisions. It's having to conform to conventional ways of being with your boyfriend and the demands of your family who have expectations which you may not want to fulfil.
Remember I went on a vacation away from my boyfriend. He made up his mind and I was happy when the absence was felt by both of us. We celebrated our golden wedding last year with ups and downs but we are lucky. Hope you can work this out. It would be awful to regret a decision which you made without figuring out what your relationship strengths are and may be being annoyed with some habits or mannerisms which we may all have.
Someone who will support you through thick or thin is worth more than a fleeting romance with no further commitment.
I see what you’re trying to say, but I don’t want anyone else, and I never will think the grass will be greener anywhere else, and I can honestly say I’d never want anyone else, it’s just a thought that is taking over me at the minute. Maybe my mind is Ill. Thankyou for replying x
Then may be you should check if you are on meds if your thoughts are negative . depression and mood swings might be due to other causes. If the tears are linked with past memories, then may be you will need counselling. I guess you know what is at the back of your mind. Sleep is restorative so if you are over tired you are more likely to feel depressed. Hope you feel better soon. No need to reply.
one thing you could try when these false thoughts come up is you become your own defence lawyer. (Like a courtroom drama on tv)When the thought pops up take it to court and ask it
where is your evidence that this thought is true
On what basis are you bringing these charges of not loving my boyfriend....evidence
Bring up the last time you were loving and having a great time with your boyfriend and ask ....if I felt like you are suggesting please explain to me how this wonderful day was a lie.
With any negative response counter act it with your defence
Because you know the truth and there is no evidence that these thoughts are true you will always win your case.
Maybe then the thoughts won't bother you because you always win and when one does stop it dead in its tracks with one of your lawyer questions. When it can't answer smile to yourself n go give your boyfriend a kiss 😚🤗
smug In your knowledge that you won this one.
Jo
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