I’m DONE

[Twenty-three]

My daughter has treated me like dirt for the last 15 years and I am done. I lost my house 10 years ago trying to help her. I took care of her 1st born for the first 5 years of his life. The last time I visited her, she kicked me out of her house for not agreeing with her (I live in Oklahoma & she is in Colorado). I just had surgery and had to walk a couple blocks just to get away from her foul mouth. My husband (only been married less than a year) called her and told her what a bitch she was and other choice names. So much has happen and I have put up with so much. She threatens that I won’t ever see my grandkids again when she doesn’t get her way. I finally told her it hurts the kids since I am the only grandparent they have. I am done dealing with her to point that I won’t be seeing my grandkids. My heart is broken and I feel as if I might die.

[GeekGoddess]

I'm so sorry to hear that you are dealing with a difficult situation with your daughter. Is it possible to just deal with her on neutral grounds (like a park or restaurant) to try and work things out? As a grandparent myself and a mom with a difficult adult child, I know what that must feel like. She's an adult and I'm sure that feelings of helplessness when it comes to being able to see your grandbabies have to be there. Know that there are people out there that care and know that you may have legal recourse with being able to see those babies as well. Grandparents can have rights too, depending on your situation.

[Twenty-three in reply to GeekGoddess]

Thank you!

[argh52]

As the parent of a six year old, my heart breaks for you. Sometimes you have no choice but to cut a family member out of your life, and unfortunately to often lose access to those you love. But a child? And grandchildren? Stay strong. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

[Twenty-three in reply to argh52]

Thank you!

[Startagain191]

I’m sorry to hear what you are dealing with but as I’ve read what you have written I don’t believe you should take this out on yourself as you have done everything a mother can do for there child at some point they grow and then it’s not up to us how they turn out to be when there little we can only guide them in the right direction but we can never be certain that they will choose the right path in life do not allow her to make you feel a though you have not done anything for her do not feel bad in yourself at all if there is anything I can say as a daughter and a mother also is you have gone above and beyond for her and done everything to help her and if can not see that then she is blind to what a great mother she truly has there are so many mothers that don’t care about helping there children or they actually bring them harm you are a great mother and a great mommar and if it should happen that she keeps her kids away from you then I can say that one day your grandchildren will find out why they never truly got to see you and your daughter should be prepared as they will blame her for keeping them away from you we can only do so much as a mother and it sounds to me that you are a great one it’s just a shame you’re daughter has not realised that yet stay strong hun x

[Twenty-three in reply to Startagain191]

My 44 year old son who has autism asks why I keep dealing with her when she has been so cruel to me. He is the one who pointed out that it has been 15 years and I need to care for myself. It breaks my heart and I feel as if I am going to die from it so I need to make changes.

[deborah27]

Listen, you won't die. You have the strength to make a stand against controlling and manipulative behaviour. It really is not acceptable. It sounds as if, like most mothers, you have put up with a lot because of fear. Fear of losing them. But, it is not working. We all need boundaries, whether it is family, friends, work colleagues or whoever. With your partner's support sit down and talk about how you can sensibly deal with this temporary loss. Try to avoid being drawn into arguments and playing mind games. You can also gather little things for the kids and even put a little bit of money into wee piggy banks for them. I do firmly believe that repeating the same actions over and over again and expecting a different outcome is crazy and a road to nowhere. You need to get well, rest, eat properly... Standing firm and having principles you stick to may be the shock your daughter needs to have her realise that you are not her emotional punch bag. I wish you well, a difficult time ahead. Stay strong.

[Twenty-three in reply to deborah27]

Great advice, thank you!

[Agora1]

Hi Twenty-three. You have gotten a lot of good advice from your post.

Of course the decision can only be yours as in how you handle it.

At least you know you are not alone with the hurt you feel. I am sorry.

Keep using the forum for support in helping you through a difficult time

in your life. The answer lies within you. xx

[JkBrauer]

I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with such a hard family situation. I remember how my husband and I really wanted both sets of grandparents to be involved in our kids' lives when they were little and growing up. Neither set was willing to do anything with our kids, it made us very sad. Just at the beginning of this month one of our kids had our very first grandchild. My husband and I have made a decision not to be the uninvolved grandparents. Even though we do not live nearby, we are planning on ways that we can be involved in her life as well as our daughter and her little family. The first thing we have decided is that we can always pray, no one can take that away from us! "Praying helps us get in the right perspective and gives us wisdom and direction in the way we should go". Fortunately, our daughter is willing and wants to let us be a part of her baby's life right now. I will pray for you and your daughter. Do not give up on family, no matter the circumstances- get down on your knees and cry out for help.

[Twenty-three in reply to JkBrauer]

I have been praying for 15 years and sadly it has gotten to the point I have to walk away.

[JkBrauer in reply to Twenty-three]

Hugs to you! As hard as it gets, don't give up on your faith and prayer. It is okay to pray for yourself; to ask God to help you, to encourage and restore a right and new spirit within you. We are even encouraged to just be still and know that he is God. We are also told even the young people grow tired and weary - ...those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles;

they shall run and not grow weary;

they shall walk and not faint.

Wherever we are in life, as long as we wait upon the Lord he will restore our strength and energy.

[Twenty-three in reply to JkBrauer]

Thank you!

[Aardbark]

I'm so sorry to have read of your situation. I'm separated from my teenage children, a girl and a boy. They don't keep in touch with me and I posted my broken hearted, depressed feelings on this site. I received some good advice also. The most memorable one was to keep the faith that they will return to me in some way or time. I would also add that your grandchild will probably be posting on social media and you could learn about him in that way.

Aardbark

[Twenty-three in reply to Aardbark]

Thank you!