Why do I hav a parent like this???? - Anxiety and Depre...

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Why do I hav a parent like this????

hurtingheart1 profile image

Determined to make me feel like dirt at given opportunity no matter what I’ve done it’s never good enough only criticism and insults if I do 1 littl thing wrong only im told She doesn’t care about nice things I’ve done or said only do this cleaning right & stop doing this other thing wrong!! Like I’m a doomed failure and God would say I don’t even deserve to eat!!!! Why would someone say this to own child?????? I know I am far from perfect but I’m not feeling well a lot of time I’m trying hard to work and make some money so some chores/dishes go by the wayside at times -I can’t always keep up w/ them so I focus on some things more but she’s seems to hate this soo much about me that because of this I’m horrible????? She won’t listen or talk calml just bulldoze over me yelling angry & harsh if I try defend myself even a bit I’m told -well you’re not walking all over me no if you’re hear in my house you hav no say u hav to listen to me!! What’s going on why Does there seem to b no 💕 love??? Am I just not worth loving???? No thanks for caring for her after her illness worrying making her meals -bringing things she needs.... is this from medicine she takes??? Causing this???? I don’t knw but it’s crushin and painful I even try tell her it’s hurting she doesn’t care!!!!???

14 Replies

Hi Hurtingheart1,

Your post is hard to read. I can feel your pain in your words. I hope that writing about how you are feeling has helped you.

Please know that no one can make you feel this way or that. For all sorts of reasons we allow ourselves to believe what people tell us about ourselves.

They don't and cannot know anything really about us. Most importantly, people who speak nastily and meanly to others no almost nothing about who they themselves are. They are probably hurting very badly themselves and have no idea how to help themselves. Or, maybe it is the medication, as you have suggested.

One thing is certainly true. You are a wonderful, loving and kind person. Not because of anything you have done. Just because you are you. No one can take that away from you. Your behaviour may be this way or that way. But YOU are wonderful. You are worthy of love from yourself and from others.

It must be very, very hard to live so close to someone who should love you, from whom you crave just a small amount of love, yet instead of love you receive abuse. Especially if you have gone out of your way to help them.

Please, believe in yourself. Love yourself. Offer yourself kindness and compassion. You are worth it.

Lots of love,

Thank you soo much your words mean more than I can express now!!! I am struggling with self worth and yes it’s been super painful hard my life never feeling enough to someone I seem to want so badly to be worthy but maybe it may just not happen this way??? It’s jyst very confusing and I don’t knw how to make peace w/ it??? You seem very wise and I think it’s true maybe she is just very wounded as well and I’ve heard a saying I just remembered that you’re reminding me of -that -“ hurt people -hurt people” so they are hurt and then keep hurting others! Maybe deep deep down they wouldn’t want to?? Or don’t realize the harm??? I don’t knw?? I am just scarred and tired of feeling helpless and 😩 hopeless and stuck! Seems like a cycle of different issues I can’t seem to Change or fix -I am hurt and it worsens all my other conditions!! How can I ever get strong enough to raise myself up out of my situation?? I feel like I’m doomed if I do & if I don’t!?? Also like 1 of these peopl people say why don’t they just leave an abusive relationship!??? But that person may be so wounded/ weak with such low self esteem or self worth with many issues and anxieties a long list of things to figure out it’s overwhelming and they just want to feel safe, loved and ok! Does that make any sense??? Anyway I’ve thought of this b4 and it bothers me a lot so unfair and sad!! They may already feel like a failure and scared and on top of it people want them to be soo strong and figure it all out that’s not so easily done at all!! How do they really get strong?? What if they are in a weakened state for health wise and emotionally?? Sorry if this is a lot I’m writing!! It does help me to sort it all out and all!

Hi Hurtingheart1,

I'm so glad that you carried on writing your thoughts. It certainly helps to get things out. Unless the parent really wants to change, it is unlikely that anyone else is going to make it happen. Children (grown up ones too) wait around in hope that finally, now, things will be different. That their parent will at last come round and see the truth. But, unfortunately it just doesn't happen. Even if the parent goes for therapy it can still be too difficult for them to change.

So, that just leaves the child. The wounded, yearning for love child. What are they to do? No matter how old the child is they will always yearn for the love of their parents.

I think one just has to make peace with this unfortunate fact. It just ain't gonna happen. And then move on with trying to offer oneself the love, care, compassion and kindness that one truly deserves.

We all have the capacity to love ourselves. It is there inside of us. Just underneath all the judgements and criticisms of our thoughts.

I have found that mindfulness really helps. To be able to notice that we aren't our thoughts. Our thoughts come and go. Underneath our thoughts is our true self. Mindfulness gives one the opportunity to notice this.

There is a lot of fear around letting go of relationships and old ways of being and doing things. Fear keeps us trapped.

Mindfulness allows one to notice that fear is an emotion generated by thoughts. We can let go of fear too. It may take practice but it can be done.

You can let go of the narrative of "low self esteem", "low self worth" and find the beautiful you that is certainly there behind those thoughts.

Keep on writing, even if only to yourself in a journal or create a private online blog for yourself.

Lots of love,

Thank you again you are so kind and insightful I think that’s the word to describe? Really do appreciate your words!!!❤️☺️

One thing for sure, your not alone. I went thru with some issues exactly like yours as a teen, and still would hear it if I wouldn't abandoned my family. My mother knew I had/have depression/anxiety problems and even would give me the remedy or idea how I could go about killing myself. It's hard to deal with these pains, but if people like you and I don't do for ourselves it seems they just get a thrill of seeing us in pain, so everything I was critized for, I just had to prove them wrong. Good Luck, may God help you, and you too prove it to them that you can be HAPPY even without their support. GOD BLESS YOU.

Thank you for your reply! I don’t knw that I hav the heart to ever truly give up 💓💗❣️😣on it changing ??but yes I do need to protect myself somehow better??? And find more support I need from caring uplifting healthy people! Thnx again🌼

You know what a wise young woman once told me? People that are hurting inside hurt others. I can feel your pain. I want you to know one thing, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. I know it's your Mother and naturally you want her love and acceptance. Sadly, A LOT of women don't have good relationships with their Mothers. I heard this same thing from MOST WOMEN. I was lucky to have a Mother that showed me love in a way I could understand, I try to be the best Mother I can be to my kids. Most of their friends while they were in Highschool had the same problem you do, not receiving love from their Mother. Please know that this is HER PROBLEM! You cannot change her and yelling accomplishes nothing. We all show love differently. It sounds like there is bad communication or possibly little communication between the both of you. You cannot fix her, she may never see it from your prospective. You can change your thinking. You sound like a caring, bright, loving person. Believe that. Believe the good qualities you behold, listen to the people that are positive and do not believe the negative ones. I get it as I lived it. I had a very critical step mother, she made me feel like dirt and I believed everything she said. Why!? I had so many other people telling me I was great yet I clung to the negative words,of one person. Please look inside yourself and see your best self. Your Mother has problems that are NOT YOUR FAULT!

I hope this helps you someway? Just know you, believe in you and don't allow your Mom's pain and hurtful words to dictate your life. You are amazing!!

Thank you for your comments and care!! I really appreciate it!!! 🌼💞🌸

I hope your day is better. I want you to know that we all on this site see your worth. That's a TON OF PEOPLE!! Believe US! PLEASE DON'T LET THE NEGATIVITY OF ONE PERSON DICTATE YOUR LIFE!! I did that, it took me almost my entire life to change that. It's still hard but I'm trying. You are young and that advantage is awesome. Rebuild your thoughts to "I am loved, I am good, I am worth everything!" Now, YOU START TO BE YOUR OWN PARENT!! TELL YOURSELF HOW AMAZING YOU ARE! Change is hard but if you start it now it is much easier than starting it at 50 or 60! Believe this community!

Xoxo ~Tara

Thank you soo much- I will try I’m struggling it’s soo painful 😣 But trying!!💞

I oh I know! I sat in self hatred, utter depression for the last 5 days. I did what I do best....send mean, hate filled messages to those I love as a way to protect them from myself destruction. Idk if it worked?? 2 of my kids know "that's just Mom, at least she's not trying to kill herself today", my oldest won't talk to me. I'm a loner, an outcast and I DID THAT TO ME!! I PUSH PEOPLE AWAY!! I know it's wrong but when I'm in that feeling worthless, scared to death of living feeling I retreat to my cocoon and hibernate. This is not healthy and at least I'm cognizant of it. Today, well I AM FORCED to leave my room and have to drive, interact with people. As aforementioned I am a work in progress, only 4 short years ago I was still bat sh#$ crazy! I'm trying, I have to. You have to as well. I understand what you are going through and NO!! IT IS NOT EASY!! But ask yourself what in this life, that really is important to you, ever came easy??

Keep believing this will pass. It will. If not let me know, you can send me a private message, and we can maybe walk through this together?! Take is easy on you. You are all you have!!!

Tara

No one has the right to make you feel that way but I can relate in a way I understand what its like to feel worthless and not deserving of love but life will get better, it got a little bit better for me like half an hour ago when I found out someone didnt hate me, hopefully yours will come soon too

Hi huntingheart1, oh I know what you mean. I don't know what age you are but I was 60 when my mum died 8 years ago and lacked love all my life. I am from Glasgow but live in Cambridge and although my brother lived 10 minutes away, I was the one she called when she wasn't well. I would fly up and was it appreciated? No! My brother was the light of her life but I was treated like a skivy! Despite all that I did it hoping to get some love back. It does scar your life. I could write a book!!! But, the night before she died she called me late at night telling me she wished I lived nearer and that she loved me! I was the last person she spoke to as my sister in law found her in the bathroom floor the next morning, she was 85. Seemingly she died about an hour after our conversation. What I made of that still goes my mind up and I'm still getting over it. I am sure the depression, anxiety, the feeling of worthlessness stemmed from my upbringing and the way I was treated! But, I have 4 children, 11 grandchildren and I have shown, as they do lots of love and we are all very close so something good came out of it all. Hang in there, you are a marvellous person and deserve the best💖💖💖💖

So sorry for the difficult situation. It could be the medication, but it also sounds like perhaps someone treated her badly in the past and she may be repeating that behavior. Just keep doing the best you can, keep coming here to vent, find validation, whatever keeps you going. You serve a vital role by being the caretaker, which means you are important. We are here for you. Take care.

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