Unfaithful partner causing my anxiety & depression to be worse

Once again I’m up late thinking about my terrible life I find miserable most days. I’ve had depression on / off for years and was on medication for it. I stopped when I got pregnant and things seemed to be going ok with my then fiancé, we got married and had our baby the following month. I found out he had cheated on me with an old fling a month before we got married but I found out a few weeks before I gave birth. So fast forward to now, my baby is 5 months and I’ve been diagnosed with postpartum depression & anxiety and I’m back on antidepressants. It’s been really tough for me to get through this and still try and heal from my husbands infidelity. What’s driving me crazy is that on 2 occasions he’s had random girls message him in the middle of the night and he’s denied anything going on that again they are old flings trying to get with him but he’s not entertaining it, I don’t believe him but I just want my family to work. I still love him after all as sad and pathetic it sounds, but it’s causing my anxiety to go through the roof, now he just has his phone off at night to avoid confrontation and said he’s cleared his phone of any previous flings before me but he can’t control who contacts him etc. I don’t know what to think. I’m just stuck in a rut of feeling so insecure and low but trying to be strong for my baby. We don’t have enough money for couple counselling but I’m getting therapy soon off the NHS so hoping it helps....I just don’t know when this nightmare will end

[hurtingheart1]

I’m soo sorry to hear you’re going through this😱😥it’s terrible!! That’s just awful for you to have found out about it so soon before you married that had to be such a painful tough decision to carry on with marriage!! Now you're having had postpartum depression that’s got to be soo tough with baby!! Now not having trust in your mate on top of it!! My heart really goes out to you and I hope somehow you can get good counseling and help you really need!💕

[Hidden in reply to hurtingheart1]

It’s just so hard, there are days I feel like I’m going to implode. I can’t understand why all this is happening and where to find the strength to keep going. I’m so tired of all this never ending pain.

[Cmoinjoco]

I know that is a tough situation! I had severe post partum depression and anxiety and it was tough just fighting that. I don’t know if you believe in prayer but I’m praying for you. I’m not sure what to say about your marriage, that is a tough spot and I would say that you need to trust your gut and maybe explain to him that the trust has been broken so you are going to need him to be more understanding. I think it is only fair that you see what is going on in his phone and question anything that seems off. Trust takes time to rebuild.

[Hidden]

How is your husband when it comes to helping you care of your child? Does he acknowledge or has he tried to be a partner when it comes to your depression and anxiety before and after giving birth?

I’m soo sorry that you are having to deal with added stress of his actions. With the timing of your wedding, birth of your child and then finding out your husband was unfaithful, you haven’t been able to fully address everything. The continued suspicious behavior on the part of your husband will continue if he makes excuses rather than apologizes and commits to being a husband and father of strong character and integrity. As far as not being able to control who contacts him, he most certainly can control it by blocking the calls and more importantly, telling the callers to cease calling. Women and men don’t just start contacting and continuing to contact someone if they aren’t getting a response. There is obviously a reason why it continues and even if it comes down to changing his phone number, things have got to change on his part for the sake of your relationship and especially your health.

It’s a good thing that you will soon be receiving therapy and are medications on board. You are experiencing a great deal of feelings and thoughts based on situational experiences. You can’t work through these things alone and even with medication and therapy you will need and deserve a faithful and caring partner. I know it’s hard to deal with everything at once and not knowing where to start but your health and your baby are the most important things to concentrate on right now. Your husband’s behavior has got to change, period. It is not fair nor honorable of him to act the way he is, especially since he has already been unfaithful.

I can’t tell you what to do but I would advise you to express your exact feelings to your husband and tell him what you need as an individual, a parent and a spouse. I wish you strength, encouragement and congratulations on becoming a mother. You will get through this but you also have to be your own advocate and you have already taken steps in addressing contributors to your depression and anxiety.

[cbgrace1980]

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Anxiety and depression are so hard to deal with. I deal with them, too. I found out my husband was cheating when our daughter was 6 months old. Talk about stress! I know what you are going through. Counseling definitely would help, and I'm glad you are looking into doing therapy soon. That was something that helped me tremendously. Eventually he ended up leaving, which brought even more stress because I was willing to forgive the infidelity. I wanted everything to work out, and it didn't. But going through that made me a better person and a better mom. It strengthened my faith and even though it was very difficult, I survived. I know that whatever happens with you, you will too. Mamas have to stick together!