I just want to enjoy my happy blessed life

[WSBD]

Hello. I’ve never shared my struggles but since I’m up crying at 3am over God knows what, I thought now is as good a time as any. I am extremely blessed with a beautiful life and still can not find a way to be happy. I just want to be happy! I have a wonderful husband whom I take out my anxiety and depression on every time I have an “episode”. I think I want him to save me. Logically I know it’s not his responsibility and how can I expect him to help me when I’m pushing him away with angry words but I feel as if I’m drowning and just need him to reach for me. He is tired though so he completely shuts down emotionally which just seems to make it worse. Depression and anxiety has been an issue for me the past 10 years or so out of our 20 year marriage. He told me once that he is waiting for the woman he married to come back. Also, we are self employed and I tend to procrastinate to the point of detriment which of course just causes more depression and anxiety. I am so afraid of getting on medication but I don’t know what else to do. I want to be the woman I was 20 years ago. I was so strong and calm. I look back and feel ashamed of whom I’ve become, I’m so weak and fragile. I feel like I’m on the verge of ruining my life because I can’t get it together.

[SeakingLight]

I'm in the exact same place as you. Why can't I just shake it? I used to be an productive person. Have you tried therapy? It hasn't completely taken my issues all away, but has helped. I also find if I can do things for others and stop focusing on my issues it helps a little too. Exercise, meditation . .

. I'm sure you've heard it all though and just need a listening ear. I'm here to listen.

[WSBD in reply to SeakingLight]

Thank you so much for your reply. I was Superwoman in my earlier years and my family still sees me that way and when I disappoint them, I feel even more defeated. I’m just not who I used to be. I’m sure you understand what I mean. I will say that I feel much better after finding this blog and seeing that I am not alone.

[trouble111 in reply to WSBD]

thanks for your input

[trouble111 in reply to SeakingLight]

Thank you so much. It is so nice to have the chance to share with someone that understands the way I feel. I am here to listen too. I found this by accident but I have turned this over to God as if I listen I will follow the right path. I felt so alone this put a big smile on my face .

[trouble111]

I replied to you but don't know what happened to it all but I can relate to all you said but I am older and have sufferring for over ten yrs but it does get worse through all that is happening in our life time. Have been in therapy over ten yrs but no support groups here like I did where I came from . Sleep three hrs a night, doing yoga at home and walking but I have to do more with someone that understands. It is a continuous fight but there is no other choice for me. I pray for help and I need to work harder I am lower than I have ever been. But whatever you do keep fighting it.

[WSBD in reply to trouble111]

Hello. The fight is exhausting but yes we have to keep fighting for happiness. My family are all happy level headed individuals so I try and hide it but sometimes I just can’t. I’m in Las Vegas and I wish I could find a support group. Keep in touch.

[Joseph43]

Hi.

Why not take medication?

I've been on meds for years and it's a blessing in my life. I don't know why people are so resistant to taking a medication that was created to help people who have such problems as we do. If you want, send me a private message and I can tell you my experience with and without meds. Do something for yourself! And do it fast!