Looks like it was last October when I joined this forum. I haven't introduced myself yet.
May I describe myself in a metaphor? I seem to be someone stuck off the side of the highway of life. I can't seem to keep up with the traffic. I feel like the world and everyone around me is operating at a speed I cannot keep up with. I feel like I'm all alone and people are speeding by ignoring me. Nobody is bothering to take a moment to simply ask if I'm okay or not. Even people I know don't seem to give a rats behind about my well being. Seems like there are those that do stop to kick me while I'm down.
I'm in a fake, bizarre marriage. It's only a marriage in the sense that we had a ceremony and there is an official piece of paper at the court house. My so-called spouse had been abused as a child and she never properly worked through that abuse and whatever counseling she had gone though, well, I guess she never followed through with and there was never any proper healing. I'm so very sorry for what she had gone through, and she told me about before we wedded but I had no idea how that would work out for us. And she refuses to recognize the reality of this situation. Before anyone says I should end it, we are into way too much debt; it's taking all my strength to make it through each day, I can't afford to quit my job and uproot my life. Of course, she refuses to take responsibility for any of the problems we have.
I feel like all I can do is just try to make it through each day. I'm all alone in the world; nobody cares. So many people (I'm talking about people in my life) are so hell bent on judging and giving advice without being willing to stop and listen (without replying) and kindly understand my feelings or the weight of the world I'm feeling.
Ok, this might be long. I am actually a man of few words; I don't like talking and I really don't like talking about myself. I get the daily emails from this forum of summaries of some of the posts you guys make. I wish everyone the best want everyone to find healing.
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brokensoul42
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This is the perfect place to find support and to open up .
Wishing you better days !
Thank you for your share and you are not alone. My first marriage was for chemistry, that will not carry you through the ugh times and there were plenty. It ended, that's a whole other story. Was single for a few years, fun and crazy all at once. Second marriage now, we are more friends, roommates than anything. We both have our issues and get that. We push each others buttons all the time and are on the 5 year mark. Alot less fights and triggers however not anywhere close to perfect. With our issues individually, we are a hot mess. Life is not fair, life is life. Good moments and not so good moments. We live once, find your happiest and hopefully those moments will carry you through til the next happiest. You are not alone, most people that are married feel trapped and alone. Marriage, not being married either way alone is alone for everyone. Most of us here are a lone in our minds. Hopefully your wife is going to find her happiest too, happiest together is a plus. My spouse and I try to remember and have that. Easier said than done so definitely find your happiest. Gym, computer, beer with the guys, lots of happiest out there.
That’s the truth. I’ve been married and I’ve been single, and I’ve been in live-in relationships. There are problems with all those states of being. I’m beginning to think maybe life stinks no matter what you do.
That's right, life with a broken record sucks, that's another reason why we all are so sad sometimes. We just have to make the best of everything and there are lots of bests.
I'm glad you're with us. You will find people here who have had or are having very similar experiences. Welcome!
My husband could have written this. I really feel for you. You must be so frustrated and feel helpless because you can't just fix her or tell her to get over it. I feel for her too because I know what she goes through as well. If she's anything like me she suffers for the fact that she can't be the proper wife. I don't have the answers, I wish I did. I do think after some time and no progress eventually you do deserve happiness as well as she does. Good luck.
I have been counseling in the past. We even tried as a couple once. I guess it's my fault things didn't go well. She would storm out and we never return together. I have tried medication in the past also but I never felt any different. I say all of that to say that I am looking into trying counseling again with a different mindset and approach.
Im glad to read you are considering individual counseling. I think that would be a good start. I’ve worked in the field of family law for many years. I’ve seen people contemplate divorce for many years until they were ready. You will know when the time is right for you. As to debt, those things are worked out by an attorney, including the option of bankruptcy but that sounds like a conversation for later. For now, welcome to the forum.
brokensoul42, I might be able to help you a bit. I will leave you a pm message with some useful info on it. But, I want you to remember that you are a unique person. There is only 1 of you in almost 7 billion human beings. That makes you a rare, special person worth caring about and taking care of. I hope you find peace and happiness eventually. If you don't know how to access a pm, let me know and I'll explain it. Have as blessed of a day as you can.
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