I miss my best friend.

[MichiganBoy]

When I had to move cross-country to help take care of an elderly family member, I had to leave my SO. We agreed to stay friends. As she's now moved on romantically and I haven't, this has proven to be agony for me. I still love her but she's move on and she's happy now. I'm still not over her and I don't know if I ever will be, she was one of the only people in my life that made me feel good about myself. It's been half a year now and I'm still a mess.

I opened up to her in ways I can't even do with my family, like a lot of people with depression I don't want to make them worry. I miss so many things about our relationship, but one of the worst is just being able to talk to her and not feel judged or like a burden. I could be honest, I could relax. It was a huge relief and it came during a pretty rough period in my life.

This are pretty rough now too, and I miss her more than ever, but she's not talking to me so much anymore. We used to talk almost every day, now I get maybe a word or two over Discord, a week or more apart. I want to say something, just to get her to talk to me, even just hearing her voice, but I know she's out there living her life and dealing with her own stuff and probably even spending time with her new SO. I don't want to be the intrusive ex bugging her. As painful as it is to talk to her knowing she's happy with someone else, looking at the date on the last message I got from her get further and further away is worse.

[Wowzerzzz]

I'm having a similar issue with my old best friend. We used to do literally everything together and talk about everything, and I know I was definitely less depressed when she was around. But I went off to college and she stayed local and has made new friends, new memories, and I'm not even sure how to talk to her anymore. But I certainly miss her friendship and I think about it all the time.

[MichiganBoy in reply to Wowzerzzz]

I might come across like the pot calling the kettle black since I just posted about how I can't talk to my ex, but try reaching out! If you've just been apart for a bit it can't hurt to say hi. I know I'd love to hear from some of my old friends I haven't spoken to in a bit, and if she seems cold, message me and I'll personally reassure you. Either way, I hope you find someone to bond with.

[whirlybird5]

I'm really sorry to hear this...I went through a similar situation from high school to college with my s/o of 3 years. If you're like I was and working through this alone I understand that it can be really tough, especially given the fact that your ex is happy with someone else. Interestingly, one of the things that helped me a lot when I least expected it was finally opening up to my family, and many of my fears of them worrying about me ended up just being in my head. Just something to think about - hang in there, while it may feel like agony right now, moving on will become easier to accomplish with time

[MichiganBoy in reply to whirlybird5]

I'm glad you were able to open up about it, but I'm really scared to. My whole family moved, and like I said, I went with them because my grandparent needs someone to look after her, and everyone was so excited and ready to leave our old city behind for greener pastures. I was the only one in my family with friends, let alone a relationship I was hoping to make serious. I just couldn't be the selfish person then and kill everyone's buzz about the move, and I certainly can't have a breakdown now and confess how miserable I am.

Honestly, aside from the distance-induced breakup, I'm happy with our new situation. My family's in a much nicer house, in a much nicer area, and my younger siblings are all happier. It feels like I should be happy for them and put my own feelings aside, and I'm trying, it's just a lot more painful than I thought it would be.

[whirlybird5 in reply to MichiganBoy]

You can still tend to your feelings while being happy for your family! I think the sooner you tell at least someone in your family the better - you going through this is NOT selfish and you deserve to get some help. Maybe write them a letter or send them a text if that's easier, and preface it with what you just told me about your new situation.

[notlrac]

I used to live in Michigan, too. I do miss it so much. It's been 2 years now since I left, for reasons that I did not control. Funny thing is I used to not like it very much until the last 5 years that I lived there. Everything had changed. Sounds as though you are much younger than I am. But I also lost my best friend, as he died almost 6 years ago. At least in Michigan, I had some people to surround myself with which helped me cope with the loss of my friend. I understand how hard it is to no longer have the person who was closest to you. I know how hard it is. I have not totally recovered to this day. I think about my friend on a daily basis. Songs I listen to remind of him. Shows or movies I watch. Even little day-to-day obligations. I wish I could offer some advice on how truly to get over such a thing, but I cannot. Maybe we never do "get over it", not totally? All I can say is you aren't alone in your loss, and it is a loss, whether you lose someone to death, or just distance and time. My therapist tells me the best thing is to just try and do things, add distractions to your life, to help you not dwell on the loss, on the past. I'm not so good at it, but maybe it would be good advice if I could implement it properly. Maybe it would help you?.

[SirGrits]

MichiganBoy moving on is hard. Loss is hard. Change is hard. It sounds like you did the right thing to move. Well done. I encourage you to open up to your family about your feelings. I know it feels like you're imposing on them, but give them the chance to help.

And definitely stay as active as possible, build momentum with small actions. God speed.