Hello everyone.

[Jennblank7734]

I hope you are as well as possible. The holidays are here. If you're celebrating, please enjoy yourself. Happy 2024 to all! Best wishes for a better year =) I got to the point I couldn't even seek help using resources like this. Thing have only gotten worse.

I'm emotionally and physically exhausted. I turned in my notice that I'm leaving where I am currently. This will be my 4th move in a year.

I'm making my way to a safe spot in Mexico. I need a break. A lot of my problems come back to I have too much empathy. I've decided to examine my past and locate what caused this. I don't want it anymore.

My life has been tragic. I can think of no other word. I am not looking for sympathy. I've never been able to feel compassion for myself.

One foot in front of the other. Keep looking down. Stop thinking. One more step.

To start at the beginning of my causes for such poor mental health starts at birth. My mom was 15 when she had me. My father was 35. He had sex with a 14 year old. I was 4 the first time I tried to have intercourse. What kind of man was my father. The only memory I have of saying anything to him is " I hate you and I hope you die ". He beat me very badly. Not long after that I watched him die. I was 5 years old.

I never believed he went to heaven.

Within a year my mom married Tim. He beat me even more savagely. I would put my face in a corner and my arms over my head to protect myself. He would finish and then scream at me to stop crying. If I wasn't able to stop myself, I got beat more.

The first time I did drugs I was 7 or 8. Tim's brother got me high.

Not only does my mother not care about me, she's treated me like shit my entire life. I just moved here 2 years ago after the nightmare 5 years with Jason. My mom is a mile away from where I just moved and I have no food or money. I will be alone for the holidays.

My mother does not love me.

My father, at best, was a pedophile.

I read a paper on how before the age of 7, a child thinks their words can cause an action to happen. I think this may be part of my overwhelming empathy.

I have to be open and honest about this. I'm a hollow shell of a person. I can't take feeling bad for people who don't give a shit about me. If they are not happy about what is said, they should have treated me better.

I can say with confidence that I treated you well. I can say that to anyone I've ever met.

Be safe. Find a moment of peace. Focus on you're mental health. Unless people are open and honest about their emotions and struggles it's going to stay a hushed subject.

People are suffering. Slow down. Treat others well. Smile. Be polite.

Thank you.

Jennifer

[davidthecoder]

Hi Jennblank,

Just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story here. I am so impressed that despite that extreme trauma, you are still able to be a kind person. You are definitely very strong.

Very glad to have you here in this group, and wishing you happy holidays. May 2024 be good to you.

[Ellamaye in reply to davidthecoder]

She has been kind to me ever since I joined this forum. Cruelty breeds kindness in some . Jenns post has really saddened me that humanity is capable of such terrible things 😫

[Starrlight]

❤️

[Sillysausage234]

🎄🫶

[catsrock]

I am beyond sorry for all of the trauma you have been through - you should have never been treated like that by people who should have cherished you. I'm glad you are here and hope that you get the support you need. My dream is to retire in Mexico. If you're comfortable sharing, would love to know what area you plan on living there.

[Jennblank7734 in reply to catsrock]

My next move will be to Yuma, Arizona. I will establish my doctor's there and an address. It's a few miles from the border and a popular medical tourist town named Los Algodnes. I'll edit it if I spelled it wrong. It's safe, they speak English and take US dollar. I'll apply for my passport and get my dogs licensed to bring with me to Mexico. I am not sure after that but I've always desired to see Central and South America.

I mentioned when I first came that I have a friend I'm waiting for. He's in Peru in the army currently. It's been since October of last year. He has finished his required service time but is being held due to an amount his insurance did not cover. I have talked to him 3 times since the beginning of June. Unfortunately after almost 2 months I was too sad to talk much last night. He spent 15 years in Mexico City and been to other countries around Peru. I met him when he was in Uruguay. I think he's extremely interesting and suffers from mental health problems as well. He was a good friend through multiple hospital visits and accepts me for me. I'm not sure how soon he will be released. His time has been short to talk. There's still a lot of shit going on in Peru. I really try hard for him. After I can get set up near the border and have more time to talk, there will be a next step. I like Mexico a lot and could see traveling. My sons are Guatemalan - American. It's not some place I want to go but what I've learned about the areas history and geography are fascinating. There is a beach that you can see 3 active volcanoes from. Black sand beaches as well.

[Ellamaye]

So lovely to read this . Imagine there's nice people out there who've had a bad time but then end up sharing a place in Mexico and living happy days... all things are possible and there is such a thing as happy endings 😊