I constantly let myself down. I wish I didn't exist.

[Rooikat]

I constantly let myself down for how inept, careless, goofy, and stupid I am. Most of my life problems are of my own making. I try to improve and do better but I seem I cannot get better at life and make the same mistakes over and over and over. I try to force myself to like myself but in reality I hate myself. Self-confidence has always been shaky but now is at a zero - how could I expect others to respect me, or my words and thoughts to have any credibility whatsoever? I am a joke. Nobody will ever hire me. My partner got upset at me for something she was completely right and I didn't have any other excuse other than "I'm dumb" because it's the truth. She will never chose to marry me, and I am just wasting her time. I wish I didn't exist, and people - everyone - would be liberated by my presence. Sure, they say focus on the positive aspects and I might have made people chuckle with my jokes now and then, but the negative consequences of my existence far outweigh the advantages. I'm a dead weight.

[Against_the_current]

Hey, that's how you see yourself. I'm sure others see you different. You can ask her what she likes in you. And then someone else. You will see the different perspectives. When these thoughts come, step aside and give yourself some perspective. And also self-love is a journey. People who are born loving themselves are called narcissists and this is something terrible to deal with. Don't belittle yourself for being humble. See? You call it belittling yourself, i call it being humble. I personally struggle to put borders between these two. I really thought i was being humble but my therapist said im belittling myself and others might start to see this version of me instead of the real me. People are like weird mirrors, including self. We see some part of us but we aren't objective, we put it through our own lens and experience. And this isn't something bad, it's just how we're wired and how we survived. But something else i struggle with is the line between surviving and living. And honestly it's like a Taylor Swift song "it's miserable and magical" and sometimes im desperate, sometimes im in love with being alive and finding myself

[Agora1 in reply to Against_the_current]

What a great response xx

[Against_the_current in reply to Agora1]

Thanks xx

[Rooikat in reply to Against_the_current]

Hi, thanks for your thoughtful (and kind) answer... I'm not so sure asking others if I'm great will provide much truthful answers. People say "I'm good" and "I'm sorry" all the time without really meaning it because forced by social circumstances, they would likewise do the same if I asked them directly what they think of me, and then go about their day of either ignoring or actively avoiding me. Over time, I've lost more and more friends. I barely talk to anybody.

[Against_the_current in reply to Rooikat]

So do i. Yet not giving up

[Agora1]

Dearest Rooikat...I'd like you to read "Against the current's" response several

times because I believe in everything they said.

You see when we constantly focus on our faults, there's no room to grow.

When we make a mistake or don't fulfill our goals, we tend to think "I knew it".

"I'm dumb" "I will never amount to anything" "If I don't like myself, how can

anyone else"...Before long, you start to believe what you think. And what you

think is what you get. Nothing but failure.

You Rooikat, are here for a reason, at this time and place in life. We all have something

we can contribute to ourselves and those around us. Sometimes we don't see it because

we walk with blinders on each day. We don't see our self worth. But it's there my friend.

I'm glad you found this safe caring community. Together we will walk the walk with you

and help you go forward in life and help you find the reason you are here. Welcome

new friend. xx

[Rooikat in reply to Agora1]

Hi, thanks for your response, I appreciate it. Note that however my issue with myself isn't failure once or twice (in which case I would forgive myself more), but continuous failure at life over a long span of time. My self-frustration derives from my apparent incapability to learn from my own mistakes.

[Agora1 in reply to Rooikat]

Rooikat, I will respond to you by saying..no matter how many times we

fail, we learn each time. Did you know that Thomas Edison failed to invent

the lightbulb 1,000 times?? It was on the 1001 that his invention made history.

Never give up xx

[Kelkel00]

I am 100% certain that this is not true. God has a purpose for you here on earth and please don’t forget it.

Please take it easy on yourself. You are loved!

[Hidden]

Hey Rooikat,

There're some really good words already up above this, but just I wanted to add that making mistakes, even making them over and over again, doesn't make you a failure. Everyone gets things wrong sometimes, (a lot if you're me) even if it doesn't appear that way.

Let me ask you a question. If someone you knew and/or loved, screwed up, or made a mistake and said something stupid, would you dislike them for it? I'm fairly certain you would not. In my experience, most people are the same way. Try to show that kindness to yourself too.

I personally would love more people in my life who made me chuckle with their jokes.