First Post.... I am a bit lost and just need to vent

[Gabsy]

So, the past two-three years has been extremely stressful. I usually can handle what life throws at me, have been for all the years of my life. But about two years ago I had my first panic attack and it has been downhill ever since, started having mood swings and crying for no reason. Was on Celexa and didn’t like it so tried natural remedies with Dr guidance. Then the mind finally has calmed but my body is still going a mile a minute. Been to the Er four times in the last couple of months. Short of breath and cough and racing heart, which keeps me up all night. Dr sent me to cardiologist and I have irregular heart rate and have been given tropol xl. First time taking the med last night and I am just scared and tired of being tired. My talk doc says mentally I am better and it is a process that will take time... but part of my mental issues is I am not kind to myself or patient with my self. Thanks for letting me word vomit!!

Happy healing all!!!

[Kat63]

It’s tough when you already have a mental health issue and then a physical health issue pops up. I can relate to being sick and tired of being scared. I don’t have a physical health problem, but my life has been going downhill for the past few years. If I could know for sure that there’s something good in my future, that would really help.

[Gabsy in reply to Kat63]

The future is fully of possibilities. One thing I have learned from my Talk Doc, is to focus on the good things no matter how insignificant. I focus on my kiddo and the beautiful life she has planned. My husband retiring from the military and actually belonging to me and our child. Happy healing!! Everyday can be better than the day before!!

[Jonesie123]

Word vomit- what a great term.

I hear you on the kind to self bit. In time I'm sure you will start to spin that and look after yourself as you deserve. In the meantime...keep up the word vomit, it's good to hear you.

[Gabsy in reply to Jonesie123]

Right! My family has a hard time with me because they can’t see why I am not kind to myself but I will lay across tracks for anyone else. Honestly I don’t get it either, but something to further explore with Talk Doc.

[Jonesie123 in reply to Gabsy]

I can't begin to give you an explanation as I'm no doctor but I know somewhat my reasoning of my actions. I had zero self respect and went out of my way to destroy what I could of myself because I didn't think I was worth more...when I look closely at things, I feel I was dragged up and not brought up through my youth. Like you I went out of my way for others, (which wasn't appreciated as it could have been) because I am a good person, I want to make a difference to someone when I can. If someone goes out of their way for me now, I feel freaked out and overwhelmed though. I know I'm a good person...as I'm sure you are...but you need to believe this and cherish you. I hope you find a good doctor that will help, it sometimes takes a while.

[Jonesie123 in reply to Gabsy]

Word vomit is spreading my way...Thanks!!

[Gabsy in reply to Jonesie123]

Word Vomit is so healing...😉 I can relate to a lot of what your saying as I was not appreciated growing up and very judged by my family. Not that they were bad people by any stretch, but our culture is very not open minded. So being an “Odd Duck” in a gaggle of swans was very difficult. So that I know has stuck with me and is something I have to work on. It is a hard point for my husband as well, he doesn’t understand how I think of myself in a negative way. Gods bless him for being him.

[Jonesie123 in reply to Gabsy]

Our long suffering other-halves! I'd be dead or in prison if it wasn't for mine