Just needed to vent...

[Ninihern]

These past few months have been so hard on me, but in particular the last few days have been extremely hard on me. I have never felt so low in my life. I tried talking to my bf or ex bf now I should say that I was feeling depressed and scared at how low I was feeling. He has gone thru depression in the past so I assumed he could understand where I was coming from. Instead he told me he had his own problems and couldn't be bothered dealing with my problems. I wasn't asking him to fix me but rather listen and just hug me. This is someone who I have been with for 13 years have 2 great kids with and it hurt so much that he couldn't even bother to listen to me. Even though I have always been there for him. To top it all off found out some not so great things that were going on with him and I won't go into that because it's not like it matters. I'm just hurt that when I needed him I was met with anger and him yelling at me that I'm stupid and disgusting inside. He says he apologized for saying that but I don't remember and maybe he did but that night is just so hazy for me because I was at such a low and scary moment in my life. I've never felt that despair in my life and I just feel scared to reach out to anyone else. I have never felt good about my physical looks I know im not what people find beautiful but I used to like certain things about myself as far a personality. I always thought I was a good person but lately I had felt I wasn't good anymore. Him telling me that felt like validation for what I have been feeling lately. Sorry if this seems all random or jumbled but I just needed to get that out.

[Tealb]

I can tell you now that you are a lovely person & have a beautiful soul just by reading what you have written. If I could, I would give you the biggest hug. It's what you need & should have received.

After everything you have said in this post, you have never called your ex (I will say I thought of a few things) He doesn't deserve you & you certainly don't deserve to put up with any of those awful things that he said to you.

You say he's had his own feelings of depression, so he should understand if nothing else & you have been there by his side through it all, helping him as well as raising your children. That by it's self is an amazing thing you have done & should be proud of.

He has been extremely selfish, taking everything you have offered, but by not being able to be by your side in your time of need. As you said, you didn't ask him to fix things for you, just for him to listen. You deserve to be listened to & reassured that things will get better. Even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment, it will.

I think he is the (in his words) disgusting one. Maybe he has got problems of his own, but that is no excuse for shouting at you or trying to put you down as another human being, never mind partner or mother of his children.

You are beautiful, caring, a wonderful mother & above everything else deserving. I'm here to listen any time you need.x

[Ninihern in reply to Tealb]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I read it yesterday but was overcome with emotion that I felt I couldn't properly express my thanks for your words. It was what I needed to hear. It's so difficult hearing everything bad about oneself overs and overs. Your words were a breath of fresh air as corny as that may sound. I always try to be there for others that I sometimes forget I may need to take care of myself once in awhile. Again thank you for your kind words you will never know how much it meant to me yesterday.

[Tealb in reply to Ninihern]

I know it's hard when all you hear is critical things & comments. My ex was the same. The final straw for me was when he said that nobody else would put up with me & my problems in an argument that he started over nothing. That made me realise that he wasn't right for me. That if all he could do was put me down, then he didn't deserve everything I did for him. It's been 3-4 months now since we split. Yes it's hard & my depression & anxiety have made me wonder if I've done the right thing. But I've also realised that without his negative comments & put downs it makes each day easier. He's the one that keeps phoning saying that he's sorry, that he misses me. He's even said that everything he said he didn't mean & that I'm a beautiful person inside & out. How he realises that I supported him with everything. That I deserve better. I've never been awful to him & I do speak to him, I try to stay calm & strong when I do & just reply with your right, I do deserve better. I think me realising that has made a huge difference. I will find someone else who deserves my love, who will be there for me & love me for who I am. It might not feel like it at the moment. But I will & so will you.

[Celtic27]

Hi ninihern 1st of all why do you have to be so hard on yourself! Just because you ex was a jerk doesn't make you unattractive beauty is in the eye of the beholder! Beauty comes from within so please try and find your inner beauty and find someone who will treat you as you should be treated! Youve got 2 children who are there for you they will always be there for you! Are you seeing your doctor about how you feel if not it might be time you did be honest with them it doesn't mean you will be stuck on tablets for life councilling can be a great help! I wish you all the best take care! David

[Ninihern in reply to Celtic27]

Thank you for your advice I know I need to get help but I'm scared. It's not easy for me to call people or talk to people face to face but I know I just need to take the plunge and get out there.

[Celtic27 in reply to Ninihern]

Ninihern you will find the strength to do what needs doing I'm certain! Don't be scared you will be surprised what you can do! Do you not have a family member or friend you can talk about your situation! If you need a chat I'm usual around somewhere take care All the best david

[Ninihern in reply to Celtic27]

I dont really feel comfortable talking to my family. They can be quite judgmental so I just keep to myself.

[_amabelizzario]

Hi Ninihern,

I hope you are feeling better already. It's so sad you didn't get the support you deserved from your boyfriend. Specially because you've been there for him. This will all pass, you are strong and you can go through it. You are an amazing beautiful person with lovely soul. We are here for you.

Lots of hugs

I wish you all the best always

[Ninihern in reply to _amabelizzario]

Thank you so much that means a lot. It's nice to hear encouraging words instead of always negative.