New here and just need to vent

[Warmsweaters]

Hi, I came across this group after googling for online support groups. I’m in a really dark place at the moment. Waiting to see my doctor and therapist booked next week.

Anxiety and depression isn’t new to me. I’ve always been an over thinker and worry too much about everything. What I’m feeling now though is what I would call a breakdown? Extreme anxiety, near panic, depression. The first time I had a breakdown was in 2009. I thought I was going crazy. Google wasn’t really a thing so I couldn’t use the internet to figure out what was going on. My mom was the one that recognized what was happening and she helped me, made sure I got the help I needed. I did well for a span of years and then the next breakdown was when I had an unexpected pregnancy. But that was short lived because once the pregnancy ended, my anxiety disappeared. Since then I’ve had episodes here and there, when my grandma died, when my mother in law died. I’ve always had my mom to lean on and talk to, along with therapists. My husband is supportive as well but it’s just not the same. This time my breakdown is because my mom is sick. We don’t know yet what’s causing her illness, she goes for testing next week. But my mind goes to the worst possible scenario and outcome. I feel useless, hopeless. Selfishly I’m upset because I can’t talk to my mom about my anxiety because I’m supposed to be strong for her and support her feelings. I’m sure this isn’t easy for her.

I guess what I’m getting at is, this is the first time I’ve had a breakdown where I can’t lean on my mom for help. And it’s got me in even more of a panic. She’s 71 and of course I know she can’t live forever. But now that reality seems so much more real. I find myself deep in thoughts, wondering how the heck am I supposed to go on living when I feel this way. How am I going to help her to appointments and stuff for treatments she will need? When she dies how am I supposed to live on? How will I ever get over it? Will I live a normal life again? I know people everywhere lose their parents all the time, it’s the normal course of life. But it just all feels so overwhelming.

I read about something called Radical Acceptance which I want to talk to my therapist about next week. It’s about accepting what you cannot change. But how? It all just seems so unfair. This is supposed to be my moms golden years of her life.

[Hurtingheart2]

hi warmsweaters I may not have much to say to help but I feel for you I’m struggling myself with soo many thoughts and sadness right now ! Things do just feel overwhelming unfair and I don’t know how to accept them I think im just soo overwhelmed and too many thoughts and soo much to sort through and don’t know how to see or look at it in a way to cope and hav peace?? Anyway I guess I needed to vent as well so you’re not alone !💕💗pink 💞 if I can be of any comfort or a listening ear on here I am here online I try to check back often for new messages ☺️🌻

[Warmsweaters in reply to Hurtingheart2]

Thanks for the reply, it means a lot to hear from someone when they too are going through it.

Maybe this will help: I’m trying to remind myself that there’s just a lot going on right now and has been for some time. I’m exhausted. And I can only handle so much. One thing at a time. Today my goal was to have a shower. I did and I patted myself on the back. And then I felt good enough to go to Walmart with my husband, and then I felt good enough to take my dog for a walk. One thing at a time. Allowing myself to rest has been good. Maybe the same will help you too. 🩷

[Hurtingheart2 in reply to Warmsweaters]

Thank you 🙏🏼 so much it’s true 1 thing at a time ! And true I definitely need rest today!💕💕so glad you felt well/able to do that today!🌻

[Hurtingheart2 in reply to Warmsweaters]

And yes there really is a lot going on we have these terrible fires here in Ca. & yea lot has been for a while just hard to process it all!!💞💞 but yes I’m here understanding and hoping to be a caring friend 🌼🌸☺️appreciate your help as well!

[RS1974]

I'm sorry you're struggling right now sweetie 🥰 Do you have any friends you can have support you? Your husband? You definitely don't need to stress your mom out she's dealing with an illness and at her age she doesn't need to deal with stress either.Come to this group for support.

Take care

[Snowflake77]

Talk to your mom. She the one you always go to. Don’t stop now. Tell her. Your mom is probably sensing there is something wrong. Your mom is probably feeling hurt you are not going to her. Tell what going on.

[SsgCulldelight]

Hi and welcome, you should Know that your mom was teaching and preparing you the whole time his to deal with anxiety and depression which we All go through, some wise than others. She gave you the tools to work those things out, but you were too blinded by your own challenges to recognize it. Think and remember back how she would comfort, talk and bring you out of this bouts, the answer is THERE. We all eventually pass from a lack of nutrients minerals and vitamins out bodies can no longer convert for its needs as it ages, that's a hard cold truth we Must accept. Your mom is evidently a master at self control, focus and concentration, this doesn't mean she figured it All out, it means she learned trig trial error and historic experiences how to rangle the challenges of mental and physical health in a way that benefits her and those she have born. Cheers abs take comfort in the fact, realize that she has trained you well, you must see and use this tools now to help you maintain a better quality of life, but by THEIR standards but by those your mom and others have set forth.

[Hidden]

Warmsweaters Dont 😟 worry dear.we are there for each other.AFTER BATTLING DEPRESSION SINCE 2015 ,I HAVE ALMOST OVERCOMED IT through faith and persistence.

IF I CAN YOU TOO CAN.

Life is stormy now but it never rains forever.

You can message in group or personally whenever you wish or feel low

SENDING U IMMENSE LOVE AND A TIGHT HUG 🤩🤩🤩🤩

Arpan

[Gramas]

I can relate to how you’re feeling about your Mom. I hope the testing reveals what’s wrong and what treatment will be needed for her to be well again. IMO 71 is not that old so I’m thinking she has many years left yet.

My Mother currently has dementia. It was hard to accept at first and has only gotten harder. I feel so bad for her and for myself as well. Of course my family does the best we can to make sure she is well taken care of but it never seems enough. Most of all I miss our communication. She was always there for me to talk to, to make it better in some way. I am devastated now as for the most part she is gone and I am lost.

[Enduring-it-all]

Depression is one of the worst things I've encountered in my life, I am glad to know you recognize it in yourself, that's a good thing, but I understand. I deal with pain and disabilities everyday but the emotional toll is overwhelming., this is why I joined recently, like you this depression is toxic to my well being.

I'm so sorry that your going through these emotions. I lost my mom over 10 years ago and there are so many times I cry out that I just need my mom when I'm in pain or mentally depleted., I'm 60 yrs old. I believe for me I have some deep rooted thoughts that I'm incapable of whatever it is inside me. Not insinuating this is you, but it's all I can come up with for me., then I think I'm such a baby.. The thoughts are insane. You will make it through, even though it doesn't seem like it at the time. My cousin always said what don't kill you makes you stronger. But honestly it doesn't feel this way when your depressed..

If my mom was still here I would just give her as much love that I could and explain how much she means to me. Be engaged with every moment I could. If she can communicate with me great, if she can't it's ok to. I was in the hospital with mine her whole last week and I know I wasn't patient as I should of been, that will always bother me but I did the best I could with the stressors and my capabilities at the time.

I wish you the best and pray your mom will find the best health care out here.

I wished I knew my depression and mind like you do yours and that your reaching out to therapist. I didn't do that until 4 years ago. It might of helped me be in a better place today had I realized sooner and sought help. I was always to stubborn thinking I got this., or convincing myself I'm ok.

Sending you a great Big hug if you need it if not just know someone else does care., and your not alone in your thoughts about your mom.

I wish I had the solution.

[Warmsweaters]

Thank you. And thank you all for responding it means a lot to me. I’m just hanging in there. Trying to make small accomplishable goals for myself in between resting. I have my doctors appointment tomorrow which I’m really looking forward to. Need to get my meds right again. Really thinking this is all being compounded by the fact that I switched my medication and that the new one probably isn’t working for me.

[sandyshore]

I have been where you are warmsweaters. I had struggled with anxiety for 25 plus years and had to leave my job in 2018 due to this,got screwed by my disability insurance company, hospitalized for 8 days and a 30 day residential treatment facility in 2023. A regular morning routine of yoga, prayer and exercise along with 2 meds have led me to a life of peace. The anxiety and depression are there in the background. I accept them and know they will be there for the rest of my life. I accepted that the anxiety and depression will wax and wane. I have many hopes and dreams and will not let them get in the way as will you. Praying for you.