Need to vent

[tiffany1979]

A lot of you have given me advice in the past and have read about my current engagement. I think today I may have hit my breaking point. Baby mama drama is just to much to handle. What kind of mother just drops off your baby and does not come back for 10 days even missed her birthday! Every day is a different excuse why she won’t come get the baby. In the mean time it’s been two weeks since I seen my fiancé. Today I got to meet his daughter and spend about an hour with them. But my birthday was Sunday and our anniversary is today and he missed both because of the ex. I don’t think I can keep living this way. This is getting to much to handle I feel like I’m in this relationship alone. I have done everything I can for him and his daughter and I feel I get nothing in return. I had a whole night away planned tonight and I had to cancel because he did not fight enough for me to get the mom to pick up the baby. Mind you he only has every other weekend visitation but she leaves her for a week at a time over and over this time it’s been almost 10 days. How am I suppose to deal with something like this. She is ruining our relationship ruining his life and everything around him he has basically lost because of her. No matter how much I try and help he won’t fight her or go against hurt. They say you fight for what you love but I’m tired of fighting and being alone!!!

[tiffany1979]

I’m always compromising but no matter what I do I’m always the one left standing alone. What kind of relationship engagement works when you only see each other twice a week or every two weeks

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

I’m not sure I’ve read your posts. As a mom that dated a man who also had a child I have some small experience. I dealt with baby mama drama. He dealt with daddy drama. You say fight for what you love. There is no greater love than a father for his daughter or mom for there child. That’s not to say it’s not frustrating. I had my moments of wanting my man to choose between me and his ex. Never his child though. I know you want him to force the mom to come get the child. If that’s what it takes it’s probably better that he doesn’t! He should be noting the time she leaves her and doesn’t come back. For one he may be paying her support when he is the one caring for the child. Virtually he is supporting her party lifestyle. That’s what got me. Mine paid her a lot of child support and then she would ask him to buy him shoes etc. while she drove brand new cars🤣, bought houses, partied etc. While I could barely pay our bills. At 11 he ended up living with us full time. The finance part helped but then it opened up a whole other set of problems. I parent my son one way and he was very different and his dad took no responsibility. I think it helped having my own child to give me a better understanding. In my opinion you really need to sit down and think about what you want. You are taking on a great responsibility. A parent can’t jump and go nearly as easily. Something always comes up. In my opinion the child’s needs always come first. He should be documenting her actions and trying to get custody. The child needs more stability. His ex sounds awful! Maybe you could find a really nice babysitter. You could also do fun things with the child. I think it’s important that you communicate your feelings to him. He needs to be there for his child though since the mother isn’t. You need to find a way to work things out so you can both be happy and the child is taken care of. How about bedtime and late dinner and snuggling to watch a movie? I’m not sure. I know it can be done. I finally told my now husband he needed to choose. Support her or me. It takes X amount to support him the court says. Pay that nothing more other than gifts we want to buy or choose her. Mine chose me. I’m still wondering 18 years later if that was a good thing for me but that’s a whole other can of worms. As a mom no one would ever come before my child. Maybe with but never above. You can find even ground but not with your thoughts now. I don’t think it can be that way. He has to protect her. The mom sure isn’t. He needs custody. 10 days is abandonment! She should pay him support! If I was him I’d already be at the courthouse getting emergency custody for abandonment. I know you’ve made sacrifices. It really can be done. I don’t know all the facts. I hope I didn’t sound like a downer. You both need to communicate. It can be done. I hope things work out.

[tiffany1979 in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

I understand him doing what he needs to do with his daughter I have two kids of my own but I don’t have drama. We have a set co parenting schedule and it works. It’s hard for me because we don’t live together yet due to the ex and today was the first time I met his daughter and we been together a year. I would never make him choose his daughter over me but there needs to be boundaries when it comes to the ex but he’s so scared to say anything because the court beat him down so bad he feels nothing he does at court will go his way. I told him the same thing about the custody because he has her 80% of the time now and she’s still trying to collect child support and daycare assistance when he’s been the one taking care of his daughter. Another thing is I include him in every decision I make with my kids I include him in every holiday and celebration my family excepts him but I have no part of his life with his daughter. What kind of mother just drops off her daughter and does not come back for 10 days after fighting in court for two years that she wanted there daughter to have nothing to do with her Dad now all of a sudden she thinks she has control over everything he does and where he goes and who’s around his daughter. She ruins every plan we ever make he’s loosing everything because of her including his job and he won’t fight back that’s what hurts. Sometimes I feel maybe there’s more to the story then I know

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to tiffany1979]

That’s something you two need to truly communicate. If she is getting any assistance from social services unfairly then he should report that. She has no way of saying he is unfit because she leaves their daughter with him. He has her more so she should not be getting support. Buy him a calendar and have him document! Every day he has her.

I have to question you only meeting her once? I lived with my bf and got custody. If you have a ring, engaged, there is no reason not to be around his daughter. She could play with your children. That is a red flag to me. My now husband was drug through the mud and scared to say or do much but by age 11 he had full custody and now my stepson won’t speak to his mom. She has nothing to do with him. He’s 25 and has given me a beautiful grandson. Y’all need to talk seriously. Maybe your state is different but I know plenty of men in Virginia that have gotten custody of their children. Even when they didn’t try much. Communicate. Everything. Explain to him how you work things out. I wish he would notify dcse and courts. I feel bad for his daughter. Growing up with step mom is better than no mom cuz she keeps abandoning her!