Get so lost and don't know what to do

[wenxin]

I don't know what I should do. I move to a new city and the only person I know is my husband. have depression for around ten years and it comes back and forth. I take medication for around two years. I am not sure when I will get better and it is like an endless journey. I feel I let all my family down and they showed understanding at first and then they were so so tired of listening to me. I have several quarrels with my husband and he just didn't understand me. He calls me "lazy" which really hurts my heart. Sometimes I feel good but most of the time I feel really bad and I can't do anything. I know I should start my work and continue my education path but I just feel so tired and I don't want to do anything. I feel I keep complaining and I don't even like myself.

[fauxartist]

Depression is not your fault...you’re not lazy, or it's all in your head, no...you can't just snap out of it....it is a real disease that needs treatment like any other disease. It's a chemical deficiency in your brain...and some people balance that out with SSRI's, and therapy to work on coping skills for those bad days. Family and friends that don't have depression are usually not going to be able to understand the devastating effects it can have on someone, and often don't know what to say, or say inappropriate things out of frustration.

I would suggest looking for a therapist and getting some un-biased professional help so that you can continue on with your goals of education and feel better at home.

[wenxin in reply to fauxartist]

Thanks for your understanding, fauxartist! I will start searching for a therapist here. It is true, the family sometimes say things really hurting.

[gogogirl]

Not sure why your family would be "tired" of listening to you especially when they know you live far away. Is that just your perception or did they really say that? See if there is a NAMI group in your city or in a neighboring one. You might be others who have also dealt with isolation. Not sure why your husband ( who I assume was the reason you moved) would call you "lazy". I doubt you are lazy- I know what being unmotivated is at times - what is your passion? Is there a meet up you could find that could lift you up even a little? Also, what kind of career are you after? Perhaps you could take a small step like talking to a counselor at a local college or talk to one at a career center. Anyway, I know even from years back how a move can be so feel free to PM me any time. Glad you're here. NAMI by the way is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. There is a website. See if there is a state and local chapter also if in the USA.

[gogogirl in reply to gogogirl]

I said be instead of meet- get the grammar police!!!

[fauxartist in reply to gogogirl]

haahaa!....yeah....spell check is a god send for me...even then I miss spell...and grammer....what grammer...I just make it up as I go......

[wenxin in reply to gogogirl]

Thanks for your reply gogogirl. I will look up to the NAMI here. My family and husband are all from Asian culture and they don't exactly know how depression affects my life since they don't have it. My mum did say, she is getting tired of listening to my feelings of frustration because I never get better. Words like, "Don't call me this week. I am done with your negative energy.""You just need to have a good sleep and everything will be better". "When will you recover from depression? " I hear all these from my family. However, I am glad I joined this group and have replies from you guys.

[fauxartist in reply to wenxin]

There are a few reasons why parents would say things like that. Sometimes they just don't understand depression that's true, but also if they feel their child should be perfect in their eyes, and if they see anything that defers from that...then they are either in denial about it, or feel guilty and can be very dismissive. Others just don't care about it, and figure you have to just straighten up you back and get on with life like they had to. Just accept life isn't easy and you have to suffer and that's how it is.

There are lots of parents who are not accepting of their children's issues...no matter how old they are. And it's natural to want their help and understanding, but not all parents or friends have it in them to give, and they say either want they think you should here, or what they think, and obviously they don't know....accepting that is paramount for you to move forward with your own healing. It's why you need to be in a group or go to therapy that deals with depression.

[gogogirl in reply to wenxin]

I am not sure again why your mom would respond like that - not showing vulnerability and keeping a stiff upper lip all of the time- is simply not being human in my opinion. Have you ever asked your family why your depression bothers them so much or just say you need their support? Also, was it this bad before you moved away from them? Isolation as we know can be a great source of depression- it sounds pretty reasonable in my opinion. I hope you can take a trip home soon, and just give each other a hug- that says it all. We all need that- no matter what culture we are from - it's part of being human. Also, we all know probably that getting support or sometimes just seeing family and old friends can make up for a lot unless of course there were other issues like abuse which people talk about here.

[gogogirl]

Another thing- does your husband know any body who has a wife or partner who like like to go out some time?

[foreverbeach11]

HI wenxin, I am sorry you are going through this. Having depression can be extremely difficult especially when no one seems to understand what you are going through. Maybe your family just doesn't understand what happens when one experiences depression. Have you considered seeing a counselor? Sometimes other people have their own issues and problems and aren't able to handle taking on someone else's issues. Maybe considering counseling would give you an outlet to express yourself without feeling judged or condemned. You are not lazy and their is hope for your future. Have you considered trying to take a small step to get back to school? Maybe consider counseling and asking if your medication may need to be adjusted to help you take that small step? For example, one day maybe finding out what you need to do to continue your education. Don't give up. Keep trying and maybe one day with the help of a professional counselor you will be able to learn how to move forward and try to accomplish your goal. Best wishes. You are in my thoughts.

[LadyO4]

Having to live with depression is hard enough, and then to have those closest to you distance themselves because of it must hurt you very badly. It's true, people are at a loss for ways to "fix" you, where understanding is all you are asking for. So now you have pressure from within you and around you. I can imagine how lonely and frustrated you must feel at times; I have experienced both myself.

Any parent hates to see their children suffering, and it's possible they may even question if they had anything to do with it. Parents are like that - they wonder if they are responsible for something in your past, and then feel terribly guilty if they unknowingly contributed to the problem; maybe too much pressure on you to perform or unmet expectations.

Depression and anxiety are indicators that chemical and hormonal balances are off in your brain, but various life circumstances can trigger this. Medication can treat part of the problem, but not the whole thing. Since you are new in the area, would you consider making some phone calls to see what kinds of help are available to you? I personally believe getting connected to someone, or a group of others in your same situation, can bring you confidence and hope. Talking about your situation to someone allows you to become open to new ideas and thoughts that can help.

My hope and prayer for you is that God will lead you and guide you and bring the right people into your life who will take the time to understand you and love you.