Depression Sucks!

[OutgoingIntrovert]

My depression the last couple of weeks has been horrible. This whole week, I’ve been crying at least once a day. How do you stay motivated and carry on, when everyone around you is doing great? I feel like a loser sometimes. Life isn’t a gift, it’s a process that sucks. Seems like things will never change. I feel like I’ve been in the same spot for 8 plus years. I’m tired and just sick of everyone. I’m grateful though to have my dad, who is my best-friend, but he can only do so much. I feel if my depression and anxiety doesn’t change, Ill be stuck another 8 years with my life is passing me by, but for some reason I don’t care or have the motivation to change it. Just venting, thanks for listening.

[-Sasha-]

You had me at DEPRESSION SUCKS!

I'm sorry it's been a rough couple of weeks for you. I've had almost all of the same thoughts you've had. I would even kinda pick on myself, comparing my life to others, shaming myself for not doing anything with my life, smothering myself with guilt for not being a better mom, friend, sister, daughter or overall addition to society. The thing is, it's depression talking and that's a very unreliable source. Life doesn't suck, DEPRESSION SUCKS! It shrinks all the good, and enhances all the bad. You'll see clearly again and it won't be as bad as you think it is.

If you need to vent some more, there's always someone here to listen. Wishing for better days ahead for you.

~S~

[OutgoingIntrovert in reply to -Sasha-]

Thank you so much for you kind words. & you’re right. Looking at it as depression sucks and not life. I’ve never had depression so on going at once. Maybe a few or more times a month, but not constantly everyday. But I know depression can come in any form. Really helps to know people feel how I’m feeling and can understand me, when no ones else does. I really appreciate you reaching out. And we are hear for each other to talk to. This outlet and community makes my days a little less sad. Graceful for that.

[Tealb in reply to -Sasha-]

I often have feelings like this, comparing my life (or lack of as it seems) to others. How everything I'd thought would be by now, isn't. Your words ring true & have given me comfort also. Thank you to you both for sharing this.

[Coralrose5 in reply to -Sasha-]

I feel this way now too. I’m comparing myself to everyone else who’s done more than me in life. 🤦‍♀️

[Hollick in reply to Coralrose5]

I compare all the time, then I tell myself that 'comparison is the thief of joy', it works for awhile and then the cycle starts up again..social media can play a role in this for some..

[Sturbz]

Hang in there pal. Going on like 8 years too. Our time will come.

[OutgoingIntrovert in reply to Sturbz]

Thank you...

[Sturbz in reply to OutgoingIntrovert]

Yw <3

[explorerPHX]

i can absolutely relate! Especially with staying motivated when everyone else is great, feeling like a loser, that things will never change, feeling stuck in the same spot, life passing by. i have experienced all those feelings.

definitely what i am struggling with. i feel like i am wasting my life and i am a failure.

[OutgoingIntrovert in reply to explorerPHX]

Yesss... Feeling motivated to do anything is hard. Definitely hard to not be down on yourself for not doing anything. In my room most of the day. I try to distract myself with something, but only works for so long. This site has been helping though a lot. When I feel this way or getting high anxiety, I come here and release my feelings. Great feeling when you can relate to someone, when no one in your actual life don’t understand. I’m hear to talk anytime. & thank you for understanding. I’m sorry you feel the same way. We all agree we don’t wish our mental illness on anyone. Hope today is a little better for you.

[explorerPHX in reply to OutgoingIntrovert]

thank you. i hope the same for you, that today is a little better for you.

i try to do that too, come here and release, type out what i'm feeling ... but it sometimes feels like i am just shouting into space & no one is listening (present company excluded of course). I do find it helpful finding people i can relate to, people who understand.

[OutgoingIntrovert in reply to explorerPHX]

Never feel like you are yelling out to people or just saying it for nothing. Always here for you. Your words and feelings matter just as much.

[explorerPHX in reply to OutgoingIntrovert]

thank you

[lostgirl75]

I can relate to you I have been house bound for three years. I hate leaving my home but I force myself to go to the gym every day I cry the whole time but I do it every day and afterwards I feel so much better. I listen to music while I’m there to cancel out the noice which helps too. I’m not sure if you have a fear of leaving the home or just have general anxiety and depression either way it’s makes life hard.

[OutgoingIntrovert in reply to lostgirl75]

I find it very inspiring that you have the motivation to even go to the gym. I know exercise extremely helps with mental illnesses. I’am obese though, and willing to work out. Unfortunately I spend most days in my room, go out when I HAVE to do something. Going to the gym is very intimidating to me. I feel like people are judging me and me being bigger is another reason too. I know it’s in my head, but the depression and lack of motivation is hard. How did you get the motivation to leave and go to the gym? Thank you for sharing with me. I really appreciate your help. & here if you need to talk anytime.

[lostgirl75 in reply to OutgoingIntrovert]

I’m not very small either and I cry the whole time I’m at the gym not sobbing but my eyes water the whole time but I’m down 21 lbs since I started in Nov. I use to not leave my room but I did it for my kids I want to live I want to see my grandchildren and I want to be healthy. I started slow and now I’m doing 40 min of elipitical a day and weights so I’m there for a good hour. But it’s not easy and I have it in my routine now and go everyday after I get up and get the boys off to school. I’m home by 10. Then I nap for the rest of the day normally. But at least I’m doing that rather than staying in bed. It makes me proud of myself for just going.

[OutgoingIntrovert in reply to lostgirl75]

That is so great and inspiring to hear... I could start small. I’ve been thinking since I have a lot of stairs & hills at my house, I could at least start walking that. I know I would be proud of myself if I did. Starting small, but a start. The gym people just intimidate me. You fighting through that is amazing. I’m so sorry you have to cry, but you get it done! You’ve given me a little motivation to do that and appreciate that very much. We will keep in touch.

[Africschoice in reply to lostgirl75]

Never really thought of it as housebound because I leave the house as do you but I can't stand in a queue so I don't do supermarkets, shops, cinema, well basically anywhere you have to queue but I do work a 16 hour week when I feel well in myself but my colleagues know me and talk me round, the radio is on so I sing my head off at the most inopportune moments, Bon Jovi is good, but yes you could say I'm housebound, but sometimes because I know I'm safe there

[lostgirl75 in reply to Africschoice]

i Know that’s why I’m house bound it took me two yrs to figure it out and I’ve been off work for the past three years with no hopes of going back. I’ve just learned to live with it. I have PTSD, fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, narcalipsy and social anxiety. I can say the gym has helped me a lot more than you can imagine

[Africschoice in reply to lostgirl75]

When I worked in legal the establishment frowned on mental health problems and I always moved on as I knew they would never do anything about it. After years of psychology meetings I got the "what do you like to do" speech and at the time I got relief from cleaning so low and behold I became a self employed cleaner!!!! If I don't work I don't get paid but being self employed means I'm in control, if I can't get up I don't go. I've not worked all my customers for months now in fact if things don't get better quick I'm sure they will walk but that is fine no pressure, you find when you do start to feel a little better you will want to do something, anything, I have visual virtigo so gym won't work for me but it sounds like it's doing wonders for you

[lostgirl75 in reply to Africschoice]

I had my own house keeping business and loved it and was in the best shape mentally and physically I’d ever been. But I got a job offer to work for the government and took it worst mistake I made. But at least I get disability while I’m off work. It’s hard dealing anxiety but when I was cleaning I didn’t have any anxiety because I was alone and most houses had dogs which I loved. But now with my fibromyalgia I can hardly keep my own house clean

[art62grammie]

I know what you are going through. As a recovering Anorexic for 40 years of the mental illness. Depression is nasty. Forty years of depression and even before that. I have been in treatment for over six years now. I still continue and daily I recover. Forever it will be a daily process to stay recovered. I just like everyone else have bad days. It is part of life for those who are not even depressed. Quitting my recent job which was killing me. I hate looking for work. It stinks. So I had a bad day a couple of days ago. I almost slipped back to the dark hole of depression. It did try to take me back there. I fought very hard to not let it win. I cried and cried for a while. It is good to cry sometimes to flush all the old out and refresh with new. I know my issue was looking for work. As a workaholic me and idle time do not get along. Working also show my self-worth and productivity. It also does not give me anytime for old abuse memories to attack me. Working is great for me all the way around. I feel better today. I did not get drawn back in to the hole far enough that I walked right out. I am leaving today to travel 500 miles to visit my family like I do once a year. I have never had panic attacks. I believe that I may have came close but never full blown. Yes, I have PTSD from childhood abuse. After repressing it for 50 years. I know now that is was the cause of Anorexia taking me at 14. I begin to have my memories all come back just recently. I do not let the past cause me not to see my family back home. My abuser is dead. I do get flashbacks but push through each one without panic attacks. I think it would be dangerous to have a panic attack while driving. I feel for you that do. I have a sister who does though. I turn my radio up and keep on driving. It should be panic for me but I will not allow it to keep me from seeing my 82 years old mother. I love her and she is the best. I will not post here but IF I LET MYSELF BE IN FEAR OF DRIVING. I WOULD NOT AND CAN NOT LET IT STOP ME. I do get a flashback while driving at times. The car was a place where I was abused. I processed the memory and released. That my friend is hard to do. I will not let fear nor anxiety keep me from living my life as I please. I will make this trip and be just fine. I will do my best to have that annual visit with my loving mother. I will try to not allow my recent but 50 years of repressed memories to haunt me. I left that state 35 years ago. I can go visit once or twice a year. I could never move back there. Too many bad memories. The reason for my 40 year battle dying to Anorexia. When the road gets rough. Keep on driving. We stop long enough we may never reach our destination. I wish you the best. There is a light at the end of that tunnel you are in. KEEP ON SEARCHING. I DID FOR YEARS. RECOVERY FROM 40 YEARS OF Anorexia has given me that.

[OutgoingIntrovert in reply to art62grammie]

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. Childhood trauma can carry on and on. I was 12 when my mom committed suicide. She suffered from some addictions and was bipolar and had postpartum from my sister. I feel like since I didn’t process it as a child. Early 30’s now and having the worse depression and anger. I think I’m starting to just now handle it. Fortunately I just started seeing a therapist once a week and this website actually is helping a lot. I can vent with others that are feeling the same. Feel very safe and you all understand me. I’m sorry you’ve had been through so much in your life. You overcoming Anorexia is amazing!!! Very brave and motivating for me.

I think sometimes though, will we ever not stop thinking about it? & how do you find the mind set of hopeful future, when not in a motivated or carrying state?

Also I had the same exact problem with driving! I got a panic attack while driving many years ago. I couldn’t even drive down the street. But my life changed when I found a cognitive behavioral therapist. He drove with me and everything. I’m driving again. I can’t drive far distances, but I can do like half hour away or 45 mins. I never thought I’d be driving again. So I get what you’re saying in a way. There’s always some light at the end of the tunnel. Just depression just knows how to bring that down fast. Thank you though. Hear for you if you need to talk, just vent!

[art62grammie in reply to OutgoingIntrovert]

Thank you for responding. I just got back from my 500 mile trip to see my family. I came upon an accident. I helped flag traffic. I had to put it out of my mind to finish my trip home. I know it can be difficult. We just move forward no matter how tough life may get. I did not allow fear to keep me from my journey of 500 miles. Hang in there.

[KingBob]

I've recently realised I've been struggling for 5 years now and totally empathise with the idea of feeling like life is on hold and that others are progressing whilst I'm stood still. I'm slowly learning to understand that I'm not a loser and not a bad person, and that it's just the depression/anxiety kicking me while I'm down. You've likely had good days in amongst the bad ones over the years - just remember that these bright spots are the real you breaking above the surface. Depression doesn't own you and you'll beat it eventually. Until, and after, then - everyone here is here for you

[OutgoingIntrovert in reply to KingBob]

Thank you. I appreciate your words and relatable feelings. I do have some good days. I try to tell myself that I’m not a loser, but some people remind me, I’am. Fortunately I’ve been stepping back from them. I need acceptance and friends with no judgment. Just sad, that some of my best friend I have to back up from. I’m hear to talk with you as well. Always live talking to all of you. Very helpful for my mindset. Best Wishes

[Hidden]

Thanks for sharing x you’re definitely not alone in those thoughts and feelings x

[OutgoingIntrovert in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! Appreciate it.