Well, I had a good two weeks and actually went two nights without sleep meds. But tonight, even with sleep meds......nada!
I have been feeling so much better lately, but my insomnia, PTSD, anxiety and depression are so severe that I was warned or told that I will have dark days or nights. But don’t panic and think all is lost. Just accept it for what it is and know, it will pass. I was just feeling better than I ever had after I finished this last treatment. It just goes to show it’s a constant work in progress, and that’s okay. Doesn’t mean all I learned has failed and doesn’t apply, it just means I refer to what I learned and the notes I took and deal with it.
This should be interesting. With all that I have tried to heal myself, everything from ECT to hospitalization, to meditation, countless meds, you name it, I’ve tried it. This last treatment was the most successful and made me feel comfortable in my skin again, first time since I was 8 years old. I felt more energy and positive. I still feel positive. I just hit a little bump in the road. So I guess this is where I put the treatment and everything I learned to the test. Or rather I put myself to the test and get through it. For a lot of us, like myself, depression is forever, and I am beginning to understand that my anxiety may be just like my depression, as well as my insomnia. Kind of like my nose. I have it on me and with me always. So, I accept it. Now I just have to do what I have been taught and live and know tomorrow may be a better day.
But really, insomnia really truly bites. Especially when my husband is fast asleep next to me. I so envy him. I just need to tell myself it’s all good and I can get through this. And however I feel tomorrow is how I will feel and I can deal with whatever as things come up.
So grateful for this site. Man, it feels good to just let it all out.
Goodnight, Good morning and good day! 😬
Written by
Dilaw808
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I truly relate to your words and I'm really glad you shared this. I'm going through a very similar scenario, where I was feeling great a few weeks ago, then started declining because of adjustment to my medication. I've been focusing on the positive as best I can like you have, to accept that I may not do better every single day. My goal is to go to bed a little earlier each night and get up a little earlier the next day. I've been struggling with OCD, anxiety, depression, and insomnia for at least ten years now, so it's going to be a long road to get my sleep schedule into a healthier pattern. I'm really hoping to connect with more people on here to help motivate me to continue my efforts. Just knowing someone like you completely understands is very meaningful for me. It's a strange unspoken bond.
I’m so glad it helped you. It’s so crazy. You get to a place where you think, wow I think things are turning around, and then what do you know, you stumble a little. It’s just frustrating. But so it is, and we just have to TRY to stay positive and refer to what we have learned and try.......harder. It’s just so hard. Especially with insomnia. The whole world is sleeping and I’m awake. It feel sad and alone. I won’t just lay in the dark and toss and turn anymore. That is literal torture. I find things to do, read, post on this site, watch something on tv, even though I have been told time and time again not to, whatever, I need to get through the night, I’m going to do whatever I can to feel comfortable and somewhat normal and I’d tv does it then so be it. I get why they say don’t, but it doesn’t work that way for me. It really does feel nice to know you are somewhere out there feeling the same. Not to make light of it but 🙌🏼. If I don’t make light or laugh, I will cry.
That’s a thought. I have those orange medical grade glasses. I suffer from migraines too. So after a hospital stay a few years back for the migraines the doctor told me what they were and where to get them. they make it better but I am sure it still effects me. I can do my computer but I have kids, family and grandchildren out of state, plus a father who has bad health out of state. I can reduce my screen time, but I can’t turn it off for that long. Especially now. Too much going on two states away. But I can definitely use it less.
Since you are in a different state already .. won't your family survive on their own for a week? Trust their ability and let them know you need time off, to get your mental gears back in place - after all - if you feel bad, they will have to feel bad too. Why not fix the basics first. I think they will understand you. Father may be the only one who may need regular calls here.
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Cutting yourself slack...
I’m in a serious dark place
Insomnia 
Depression sucks 
Anxiety sucks
