New to the site, Bipolar I and depression

I am completely new to this website so I guess I want to just write about why I decided to join. I have suffered with depression and anxiety my whole life. I was diagnosed with bipolar I about 6 years ago when I had a manic episode. I have been able to prevent another episode since. I was on seroquel for the past 5 or so years which caused me to sleep ALOT and gain a lot of weight. For a long time I was in denial about my diagnosis however not enough to go off my meds for fear of having another episode so I never did. I never really understood my diagnosis until recently because I thought I was supposed to get mania sometimes but I suppose not with bipolar I. About a year ago I got fed up with seroquel and decided to see a psychiatrist and change my meds. I am now on a anti-epileptic medicine called topiramate which can be used to treat bipolar, which helped with the drowsiness and extreme hunger.

My only thing is, I fear that while the prevention of my manic episodes is under way ... I don’t feel like my depression or anxiety are being treated. I am seeing a therapist but I’m not sure how much that is working either. I have so much social anxiety and trouble with motivation and negative self talk. I had a very traumatic relationship with a guy right before my manic episode that I’m not sure if I’ve fully dealt with. I’m constantly comparing myself to my friends and other people. And I just am so lost in my life. Not much makes me happy. I’m sure that’s just the depression but it feels like that’s always been the case. I try and set goals in my head and then I just don’t do them. I feel like when I am around people I don’t know how to be positive since I am always so negative in my own head. And that makes me anxious and not focused on what’s going on around me.

I just really want to stop living so much in fear and negativity and finally change my life around but it’s so hard when it feels like this has been who I am for so long .

[Hidden]

Hi and welcome to a supportive group!

[Liz1806]

Hi I take seroquel for insomnia. It helps a bit but not totally. I don't think seroquel affected my weight as it didn't give me hunger pains but it may have affected my metabolism as trying to lose weight now and it's coming off but slowly! Interested to know why you think it increased your weight.

I am on citalopram for anxiety. I find I'm not anxious if I've slept well as that's the route cause.

[kvolm2016]

Hi and welcome. I hope you do find that this is a place of support and encouragement. It is great that you had the long period of success with the seroquel. In my experience, there is always the need to be open to considering/trying new and different medications and therapies. Our physical and emotional needs change over time so adjustments with medications are needed from time to time. And it does take a period of time for adjusting to a new medication or therapy so maybe that is the window you are in right now that is causing you to question if these are working. Maybe it would be helpful to ask your doctor and your therapist about how long they would expect for you to notice some improvements and what they would suggest if you are still not experiencing the relief that you hoped for. Does that make sense?

[Hidden in reply to kvolm2016]

Thank you for your reply I do wish to make an appointment with my doctor soon to discuss how the meds have been working. I’ve been on them just under a year now. Also I have been having a lot of focusing issues so I’m thinking of seeing if I might have ADD. I have never been one to want to be on a bunch of meds though but I know that sometimes it is necessary.

[kvolm2016 in reply to Hidden]

And I have come to realize that trying out meds for various needs is simply a way to determine if they are beneficial or not. Some have been useful and resulted in improvement and others didn't seem to make a difference so those were eliminated. And with some, I started at a higher dosage and have been able to adjust down to a lower dosage so it's a process of continuing to evaluate need and benefit. Hope you find the right balance for your needs!

[Blueruth]

Hi! It sounds like your diagnosis is a little confusing. It might be because you haven't had an episode for a long time. I am surprised, not surprised they diagnosed you as bipolar 1 after one episode. Regardless bipolar 1 is mania *and* depression so it isn't a separate diagnosis unless there is some reason that I don't get. Honestly I was diagnosed in order: depression, adhd, bipolar 2, bipolar nos which means they have no idea. Oh there was that autism spectrum stuff too. After a ton of therapy I think i deal with depression and the rest was me needing to grow the hell up (which is still a work in progress). Over time I reduced the drugs with caution. That is just my story. On the ex-relationship and self talk... I also had an ex boyfriend traumatic experience. Learning about shame and how to practice shame resilience was a game changer for me. There is nothing wrong with you but it feels terrible. There are therapists that are trained by Brene Brown. I think that would be a great option. There are also workshops.

[Hidden in reply to Blueruth]

I mean yes that is why I was confused. Because of the fact I haven’t had a manic episode since (which I am obviously grateful for ) but it’s also made me want to try to go off medication. But thst also scares me. I have been seeing a therapist for 7 months and I only just now told her about my traumatic experience in my last session. I’m not sure what took me so long. Maybe now I will start making more progress. I hope so.

[Blueruth in reply to Hidden]

I would definitely challenge any med treatment based on one incident from years ago. That doesn’t mean reject it and it is not the same as getting into a conflict with your care giver. I just mean asking questions about why and what are the consequences, alternatives. What I am asking is not at all an easy thing to do, I know, but being your own advocate is a step towards healing in itself. I would think your therapist would be supporting in that.

[Roxylox in reply to Hidden]

Just want to say my 2 major manic episodes were 26 years apart, so never say never. They don't necessarily have to follow a regular pattern. I was only put n a mood stabiliser 6 years ago after my second episode. Up to then, I had been very stable on a tiny dose of an antipsychotic.

[Hidden in reply to Roxylox]

Do you mind sharing a bit of your experience with me ? Do you think if I stay on an antipsychotic that it can prevent a second episode ? I still have a lot of anxiety and depression and I’m just kinda feeling really defeated on what to do about that because I feel like with the bipolar diagnosis psychiatrists are more focused on preventing the manic episodes from recurring than anything else. Also it is extremely hard for me to get in to see a psychiatrist at all. I’m feeling really stuck right now in this place of wanting to improve my negative mental health but not knowing where to go . I’m in a way way way better space than I’ve been in a very long time but I feel like there is something definitely missing and maybe it is medication that it’s needed idk.

[Roxylox in reply to Hidden]

Things everybody is different, but in my case an antipsychotic kept me episode free for lots of years. However, events in anyone's life can affect them again. You say you are feeling fairly good at the moment.

I see in your previous post you are on an anti epileptic to treat bipolar, if that's working ok for you maybe stay on it. I don't know your age or your circumstances, but setting and achieving goals have always been a problem for me, still is. At the moment I find listening to motivational podcasts helps a bit. Maybe it's an Atipsychotic you're n at the moment. I don't want to put you wrong on the meds front.

I'm always happy to try and help, but no guarantee that my untrained, amateurish advice will be any good to you, I wish you the best of luck and am always happy to chat.

[Hidden]

I honestly have been thinking for a while now that I might have issues with focusing and might have ADD or ADHD and have been considering talking to my doctor about getting adderal.

[Hidden]

Not a bad idea

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer]

From one Libra to another I want to extend a warm welcome to the group. Very supportive people here as you can see by the responses you are getting. I don’t have much to add as I am not bipolar except that pain is pain no matter the diagnosis and I am sorry you’re going through so much of it now. Glad you found us....

[Hidden in reply to Catsamaze]

Thank you for your nice reply I am still trying to get a hang of this website . I keep forgetting about it to be completely Honest 😅

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer in reply to Hidden]

Please let me know if I can help you get comfortable with using the website.....

[Hidden in reply to Catsamaze]

Sure! I honestly don’t really know what exactly to do on here or where to look around

[Hidden]

Welcome. I hope you can get some answers here. I have kind of like you have with the negative feelings in my head even when I'm hanging around positive people. So hard some days. Put on a fake smile and go about the day. Some days I can interact but it's hard to do. I hear you about the focus too. Seems when somebody says something intend to drift off and forget what I am or was supposed to do or where I was going. Like I was sleepwalking.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I’m having a hard time remembering to come back to this site tbh. But I feelnlike it would be good for me. Especially on the bad days. Today is one of those days but of course I’m about to go to work. I’m really kind of down on myself because I just feel like the focus thing makes me feel like I’m dumb sometimes . And like I have memory issues as well. Since I don’t always fully focus on what peopleAre saying. Sometimes I think it’s part of my anxiety since my thoughts are always bouncing around worrying about random things. Not only does this happen when I’m talking to people but also when I’m just watching a tv show or reading something. It’s extremely frustrating

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I agree with what you're saying same here. I even read the posts and get lost in thot or focus. Sometimes one Was them several times just to make sure I've read them right or to understand the post. I try to hide it but when I get caught people know it. Some people k is my story and are very good to me about it. Those are real friends.❤

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Or you could remember by saying "oh I have to see the cute guy on HU". What's his name oh yes imnotright. 😆

[Hidden]

I agree. I hate it when my thoughts speaks over my conversations. People may not know how that is but it's hard to focus.

[Hidden]

get busy helping others and min the diagnosis and just do what u think is right....animals dont care about your label....go help others or get busy outside yourself...

[AdamFCastillo31]

hi, yes I hear you what are you going through. you can manage your bipolar problem by knowing the triggers and learning about how to control them. And by doing some Lifestyle ManagementEducation

Psychotherapy

Day Treatment Programs

Medications

Complementary Treatments (Light and dark therapy: This regulates a person’s biological rhythms, much like social rhythm therapy.

Acupuncture

Mindfulness meditation: This uses breathing exercises, yoga, and meditation to manage bipolar disorder symptoms

These tips will work for you telling you from personal experience.

These tips worked well for me. Hope for the best.

best of luck.