Everything

[Kat63]

I lost my job 8 weeks ago, and I’m scared I’ll never find a job again. I’m scared none of the places I apply to will want me. I’m scared I will be forced to go live with my father and forever be ashamed that I couldn’t hack it in the adult world. I’m 55 now, and to know at this point that life had beaten me and I couldn’t make it on my own...I feel scared and ashamed. What if life really has beaten me?

I’m moving in 3 days.....back in with my boyfriend. We’ve known each other 17 years...lived together for 10 wonderful years, then had problems and I moved out. I’ve spent the past year trying to do my part to heal the relationship. Now we have agreed that I will move back in and we will try again. But I’m scared. What if he changes his mind? What if we can’t work things out this time?

I need help. This anxiety is making me think I’m having a nervous breakdown. And I need some real, concrete solutions to my problems. I *need* a job. I need to know for sure that my bf is serious about us trying again. He did say he’ll take 2 days off work to help me move, and he already started doing some stuff at his apartment to prepare for this.

I’m anxious and scared most of the time, and I can’t do this part of my life alone.

[TalulahGrammar1989]

Kay, take a deep breath it’s all you have to do right now! I’m going to write you more but I’m sending you this for some support. I don’t know you but I feel you anguish just breathe!

[TalulahGrammar1989 in reply to TalulahGrammar1989]

I understand, I’ve had a rough life but this is about you. Do you like music? Listen to a song by Jason Marx called I won’t worry my life away! I call it my theme song! It’s so true. Everyone is different in this big world but we really can’t identify who cares and who doesn’t until some tie passes. Love yourself, give yourself a break! If your bf wants you to move back in you have your answer right there. He wants to work things out! You don’t want to go back with fear in your eyes and such insecurities because unfortunately not everyone in this world wants that pressure on them. Stand tall, breath get yourself together and smile. They’ve done studies that s smile makes you 75% more attractive. I’m not saying what you feel isn’t hard it’s so painful but I realized a long time ago feeding it only makes it grow bigger. There is only one you! Remember that you aren’t replaceable now that’s coming from a woman who’s husband of over 25 years and gave birth to his two sons said I was dismissed and no longer needed because my second son turned 19. Then proceeds to move a girl a 1/3 His age into my house I bought! They’re engaged now. It’s been sixx years so I can speak of it freely. He left me! He threw me away and you know what the rumors are and word on the street? He’s miserable with her he still loves me and made the biggest mistake in his life! Oh well! Now 6 years ago that’s what I wanted to hear. Now you made your bed hon lay in it! You’re valuable. I have a lot of faith. I needed it, it got me through I give everything to God! You know why? Because I’m not that powerful and everything is going to go the way it’s gonna go anyway it’s so freeing it’s amazing! Of course, you control your actions but try to just relax a bit and smile breathe in through your nose and out of your mouths a few times and smile! Say something you are truly grateful for and mean it! Step forward into your new adventure and know I’m saying a prayer for you to be strong and find your happiness. Life is hard. Your message sounded exactly like mine many years ago but now I know I have no control over the outcome anyway! Just do the best you can do with everything and be true to you! You got this! You’re stronger than you think you are! Now get moving and smile!

[TalulahGrammar1989 in reply to TalulahGrammar1989]

That song is by Jason Mraz not marks “”I won’t worry my life away” another good song by him is “Three things from yes” that would be perfect for you right now!

[StrongMom]

Have you tried counseling? Do you have any friends who can cheer you on? You just need to be reminded of your greatness and how far you’ve come in life. (HUGS!) You’ll do great and you’ll get an awesome job.

[Kat63 in reply to StrongMom]

I’m scared that my life is just going to get worse from now on.

[bnee110]

Have you tried writing down a bunch of possible solutions ? It may help if you see a visual you know? And work towards the goal independently?

[Kat63 in reply to bnee110]

The main solution I need is a job offer. That’s the only solution I can think of. I wish I could magically force some place to offer me a job.

The relationship....I know that things like that can’t be forced. If it doesn’t work out, that will break my heart and I’ll know that I screwed up. But at least I will know I tried to fix things.

[bnee110]

I completely understand you too... I don’t have a job either . It’s so hard finding one . Especially one I will want to go to because I have social anxiety, don’t want to talk to ppl, and it’s hard gettin out of bed because of depression. I don’t know any good advice being that I’m in the same boat.. but I do know that whatever job is meant to be for you, will appear and you will get it .

[Sober2007]

Hi Kat, thank you for sharing what is going on. The way I understand it, you have two main fears - the fear of possibly not finding a job, and the fear of what could happen (or not happen) when you move back in with your boyfriend. It is possible that all will work out for the best with both of these concerns, and that the fear is just fear and nothing more. I would suggest trying to slow things down a little and remember to breathe. Maybe spend time today trying to pray and meditate. Try to focus on taking small steps in the direction you would like to go, rather than allowing yourself to get worked up about the what ifs. When I get into a similar mindset, it's usually because I'm projecting into the future rather than trying to stay centered and doing what I can in the present. It's easy for me to turn things into catastrophes way before they even happen. That kind of thinking paralyzes me and doesn't do me any good. I have to pray all the time for release from fear and worry.