Hey everyone , my b day was recently , i was a bit anxious leading up to it because im not the type of person who likes surprises, and i just was worried it was going to get ruined , its been 8 days since i last felt anxious to a breaking point of got a panic attack , which is a great accomplishment considering at one point i never though this could happen, i have to remind myself over and over again that anxiety and constant panic are harmless, even if they were that would be if the panic lasted for long periods which wont happen, but its harder as time passes because u start to forget how anxiety feels and for me , taking showers trigger panic attacks or anxiety attacks for me , so this week , everytime i showered i felt a bit anxious after it, it triggers attacks for me because the first time i went to the doctor and my whole blood pressure obsession and anxiety started was me exercising then going to shower, the whole heart palpitations caused panic and i just got a severe panic attack during my shower and i just rushed out to measure my bp which was 150/100 , and this is how it started, so now whenever i shower i get a bit anxious because i remember the emotions and the terror and fear because i wasnt knowledgable about it, i thought im having a heart attack, i learned tons and tons and tons of information about anxiety, i was introduced to breathing exercises and meditation , i was introduced to more methods to cope, i was encouraged to face my fears nit avoid them, and the most important one was to accept it wont kill me, which was what helped tremendeously ,
My birthday was ok, i went out with friends and family, it was casual but fun , i never really realized about how the people around me actually cared, i was so focused on my flaws and negative thoughts that i didnt realize people liked my personality and some features i never noticed, this week was so mind opening, i still get anxious sometimes as i said especially after showers and exercising too, it triggers attacks but when inrealize it wont kill me, and i have gotten so much better at not allowing irrational thoughts creep in , so its much better than before, which seem to make the anxiety much less severe, because i dont worry about stopping it or trying to calm myself, i just experience it and its the best part 
Again i genuinely thank everybody for their help, im so glad i found this group, otherwise i wouldnt have learnt so much, i still have a long way..but i am more motivated than ever, because i never felt as close to my old self as i did this month in general, upsome of it was severe panic, but the whole month of february , i had one whole week of anxiety, then rest, ten anxiety, now rest, so i never had an equal amount of both, it used to be just panic, all the time...i want to get even better so far so good
However i fear telling myself im doing better, because im afraid i will jinx it, and i did that before and i always got worse and worse, i just have a mini anxiety attack whenever i think to myself oh you are like ur old self, and i feel like a hypocrite, or that im kidding myself or tricking myself, because i know that there is a chance i get worse, and i really im not looking forward to it but we wil see
