Yesterday was my birthday, felt very anxious because i dont really like surprises, and i guess i felt very overwhelmed eventhough im not a very popular person
i slept ok which is good , went out with my family for breakfast and lunch, it was a bit boring but it was not bad ,so i was calm throughout the day i mean my brain kept spiraling all day about not really having a purpose , and feeling a bit low after the day was almost over , im taking accutane but im not sure if this depression like feeling is from it or just due to the anxiety i keep experiencing , as i dint really struglle with deoression just GAD , talked to a close friend about it and i guess opening up sometimes make you feel more triggered as you talk about it , realized i dont have alot to be excited about , everything i am excited about is soo scary to me , like going to university and graduating is something i was excited about , but now it feels like a burden , and i want to get it over with , the thoughts about the future and the uncertainty are hard to escape, and my fears are arising esepcially with all the bad things happening around the world its hard to relax ..
Is this due to the anxiety or am i becoming depressed , because i always struggled with obsessive thoughts but never considered myself to be unhappy , im not pretending when i laugh but i always have alot on my mind , like im living inside my head , and i feel that anxiety has taken over the good things in my life, like my birthday, my excitement for my graduation soon , and it all feels like something i just want to get through not enjoy .. i guess i dont really know where to go from here , i cherish life and i do believe that it gets better maybe due to the year and a half of panic attacks that improved , and i want to do so much but i just got a taste of how it feels to be depressed o atkeast i tink i did , the feeling of hopelessness and feeling trapped but without the fear , just feling numb without any plan ahead , i have my 2nd therapy appointment after tomorrow so i guess ill see if i can start cbt there or consult them and update them with how im feeling
xx
Birthday Blues
