Why I am tearing up

[Starrlight]

I never thought I’d get through pure hell days lasting years and the wishing to die constantly... I never thought I’d find peace or joy again or be able to feel like a true friend, forever needing something that no one could give me... I had to be patient to receive ... I had to be very patient, seemingly alone...

and I’m still going through... I’m not ‘there’ yet ... I’m working hard... I’m over the worst of it now...

...so please know although you think now there is no hope, if you remain patient, in suffering’s place, you will find peace and joy and it’s real. Look to the good even when your torn soul is drawn toward what is not good for you, believe in the good and believe that you are a part of good and deserving of that goodness. ❤️ Promise to Never give up

[Nothing_but_books]

Thank you. 🦜

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

❤️ love you

[Hidden]

Thank you for the powerful words of encouragement. We surely do need them. When bad days come, they seem like they will never go away and surely it takes years of being patient to be free of those constant suicide thoughts. Thank you for the reminder

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Thanks, Yes if we get the thoughts just know they are only thoughts. We are powerful in our beliefs. What we tell ourselves about our thoughts our brain will take as truth, so we must be careful.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I see on your profile that you are in belief of the brain being powerful as in what you tell it, so it is, and into using a positive mindset that’s awesome. It may sound obvious but it’s amazing how easy it is to slip into negative thinking.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Very true Starlight, these negetive thoughts just pop out of nowhere and I have to force them. When they pop up I get these suicide thoughts and they are weakening my body at the same time until I force a positive thoughts which is extremely hard when things are bad bcz reality usually sucks but I am a working progress and I am happy I am not alone. I was just discussing with Alfred easier about positive thoughts bcz he also very much believe in them as well. We will get there gradually Starlight.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Alfred? Yes we will get there.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Yes, Alfreddy7

[Tidus]

Thank you. My pain is in the years category and i feel like there is no end. I felt like me seeking help was the end and i just got out the hospital a few weeks ago..But I have to give myself a chance. Give the medicine a chance. Give therapy a chance and even with all that it is still hard. Thanks this was great encouragement for my day!

[Starrlight in reply to Tidus]

Thanks, Yes you for sure deserve a chance. Meds and therapy can really help a lot from my experience if you can find the right ones.

[newbie1956]

When our circumstances are especially difficult, at times we 're not able to find the right words to express our intense emotions, please remember that our Father answers prayers as simple as ‘Please help!’ Romans 8:26

[Starrlight in reply to newbie1956]

I don’t know how many times I’ve cried out for God to help me. Maaaaany in my life. As a young child I prayed every night and used to write Him letters for help and stick them in a drawer and wait a while then peek at it to see if He had answered me back. I was always waiting for Him to answer.

[newbie1956 in reply to Starrlight]

Starr.........

I can relate to being a child who was disappointed by a lack of answers.

...My parents couldn't answer my questions, not even my pastor.

But I never gave up. After many years I learned how GOD answers; It's

often by revealing answers in scriptures. Sometime He uses an angel or

even a mere human who comforts with satisfying answers.

That's been my experience and I strive to do the same.

[Dolphin14]

Well said Star

❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you so much, beautiful 😌

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

P.s. so that book is supposed to come today now... we will see

[Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight]

Great... I'm ready to read when you are

[TheEmptyNest]

That was really lovely and made a difference in my day! Thank you for your words of encouragement!

[Starrlight in reply to TheEmptyNest]

Awesome TheEmptyNest!

[lena16]

This was beautiful to read😊 I’m so happy for you❤️

[Starrlight in reply to lena16]

You are so sweet Lena ❤️

[Starrlight]

All we can do is try our best right? Keep up the good work. 😌

[Thissucks37]

I’m glad to hear it Starr. I’ve read your posts for quite sometime and would be so sad at times hearing the desperation and how you wanted to die. May I ask what steps you have taken to get to where you are now? I too have prayed and prayed and prayed. I feel like something is wrong with me that I can’t hear from God. Now without my son I feel too beaten down. But I’m happy to hear the changes in you because I was so worried about you. 💕💕

[Starrlight in reply to Thissucks37]

Oh Thissucks (((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))

I am so so sorry 😞 i read your thread about your son. I don’t know what to say but that my heart just is aching for you. ❤️

[Starrlight]

What’s going on with your son... if you feel like it is okay to talk about it now? I hope you and he are ok. ?

Thank you so much for your caring. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ it means so much to me.

I felt like God wasn’t listening too. I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like He’s with me but sometimes i wonder why He lets us wonder for so long so desperately. Maybe there is no God the way I used to view God is what I think now.

Well, anyway, let’s see... main thing is I kept trying really hard, I forced myself to keep doing things that I was frightened to do and I’m still doing that... I got on Paxil and Remeron, I quit drinking, I found an amazing very intuitive sensitive therapist,.... the time was right for things to just fall into place.