Afraid

[Tired1717]

Do you sometimes lay in bed at night and get this overwhelming feeling of fear. You feel so small and so vulnerable. Like there is this darkness, this war, coming and you are completely helpless. You can't protect yourself. Or the people you love. Its terrifying. It torment. My thoughts are torment. They go on and on and on. I am so mentally drained trying to be good enough. Trying to be strong. I just can't. And I feel so alone. I know I am not alone. I believe in Jesus. But I still wish I had someone to talk to my age. I wish I didn't spend everyday isolated from my age group. I just feel really distant and sad. Like one day I am here and the next I won't be. And nobody at my school would stop to wonder why I never came back. Thinking like this makes me sad. I've been to a hospital before for suicidality. Im trying not to have to go back there. I had hoped the depression and fear would be better. Please tell me I'm not the only one afraid of shadows outside my window and in my head.

[Hidden]

Try rain sounds on your phone at night. It really helps me.

[Tired1717 in reply to Hidden]

I've tried. My mom even bought me a sound machine. It is nice. i find that having a soft stuffed animal helps. Just having something to hold close in the night. And two cups of wellness soothing tea. It is relaxing. Sometimes though I just feel like giving in to the darkness. If that makes sense. Not fighting it anymore, which is when bad stuff happens...

[Needtovent]

Yes, i’ve Had these feelings....often. Unfortunately i think when we are laying there, our minds are just wide open to idle thoughts and the ruminations start. Try having a firm bed time routine. Read, play a game on your phone, prayers - whatever works best. Then have a firm time to roll over for sleep. I agree with rain or similar natural sounds. I also use melatonin if i feel that its going to be particularly tough to fall off. If you’ve been to the hospital in the past, I assume you are being treated for your depression - are you seeing a therapist? I know you need to someone to talk with. This group is here, maybe he or she can suggest a support group for folks your age.

[Tired1717 in reply to Needtovent]

Yes, I'm seeing two. After the hospital they thought it best to assign me an intervention specialist for more help. She is very nice. She let me play basketball while we talked. But things haven't been as good as make it seem to them. I don't tell them half the stuff I am going through. I just don't know what to say or really have words. I am afraid that they cant help me. That nobody can. But I pray. It gives some hope.

[Needtovent in reply to Tired1717]

Hi Tired, I do believe you should tell your counselor(s) some of these other details,of what your experiencing. I know you need to develop trust and perhaps you're still establishing that. But to get full benefit of their support and expertise, you should be totally honest. Sounds like you are open to ideas and learning techniques that may be helpful. That is a huge step in the process of getting past this - and you WILL!

[masa2333]

Yes, this happen to me daily. Nights are the worst because I tend to overthink the most at nights. Please know that you are not alone, that you are worth it, and that you deserve to live! If you ever need someone to talk to share here with us or send a message, I’m sure all good people will be happy to help. I suppose we’re similar in age, I’m 21. So you are definitely not alone and a bunch of people understand what you are going through.🙏

[Tired1717 in reply to masa2333]

Thank you. Yeah, Nights are hard. But I guess it is better that we notice the pattern so we are able to prepare for it. Before I didn't consider it, but now I try to stay busy in the day so I will be tired, and listen to music or take melatonin.

[masa2333 in reply to Tired1717]

Good for you. I find that Magnesium also helps a lot to relax and calm down. I have problems with sleep these days, cannot sleep during the night due to worries so I’m trying some tehniques as reading the book or taking a warm bath etc. to help me relax

[Hidden]

Hey, I have had this issue for the last several months seeing shadows outside my room. I don’t know what to say or how to make it better, but please know that you’re not the only one. I’m here for you. I’m scared to tell my therapist too. I’ve told her I feel delusional, but she asked me if I see or hear stuff & I just say no.

[anon99]

I understand this post very much..💔

You aren’t alone, feel free to message me anytime.

[Barbasol]

I can relate to your fear! I saw a picture of an asteroid on google and scared me to death! Thinking about the end of the world like this! Is this common or am I being crazy!