I don't even know why I'm writing this, but my suicidal thoughts are getting out of hand. I can't HANDle it anymore, (excuse the pun, trying to make things a bit lighter) I feel like one day I'm going to make a really stupid decision, lets just call it. (I don't really wanna think about it, let alone type it) I don't even know why I'm like this, my life isn't even that bad compared to others, yet I'm like this, I hate myself so much, every time I do something supposedly to make me happy, after I just get worse. My mind is constantly looking for ways to kill itself. I fear I might actually do it one day.
My mindset changes (not drastically, I'm not bipolar). But I'll be really sad and want to "do it", but hours later, ill be "normal", that being not really feeling anything. I rarely get happy. But these periods of sadness are getting longer, and if they go on for instead of hours, but days, then weeks, possibly months, without my mindset changing and thinking clearly, I might end up doing something stupid.
It took a while, but I managed to go to the GP and i'm starting counselling when I go back to school. I'm just scared that I'll do something if things get really bad, almost as if I can't control myself.
Sorry this was long, I know there isn't really any way for you to help me, but I just wanted to get this off my chest, as pointless as this was...