Always afraid

[vanessi]

I've realised I am always going to be an afraid soul. I am scared of everything. I was talking to my mom two days ago about what should I do with my life and I was considering to have my old plans back (go to France) but last night I was thinking too much of it and I am scared. I'm scared of being so far away from my family and then keep feeling like I am right now. That would be a strong hit.

Also I thought I would like to go to Ireland. I would feel more confident cos I know the place but I feel can't do it cos my ex lives there and obvs everybody would think I'm there for him and not because I wanted for myself. It makes me sad that I cannot go to a country because one person, even though there are other cities I see my life in Cork, where this man lives. I know the city perfectly and know how all works.

I don't want to stay in Mexico because due my career I need to be in touch with different languages and Veracruz brings me back old and sad memories

I feel I'm wasting my time but it's hard to make a decision with this emotional state. I'm afraid of making a mistake again.

[Hidden]

Honestly, do you really care what others think ? You have to live your life the way you want to live it. If Ireland is the place for you then go for it, if it feels right do it. Who cares what others think. You have to do it for you not others. You know why you are going and that's what matters, your ex doesn't own that town and if it concerns you that much find a place as far away from him as possible.

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

I agree with you, it's unfair I can't go to a place just for one person. I'll still think about it

[Hidden in reply to vanessi]

Yes take your time don't rush into anything, weigh the pros and cons for each. I know you are depressed and so it might be a good idea to take your time and make the decision when you are feeling better. Don't think of the place you are going to as a possible mistake. Go for the one that has the better opportunity for you and the one you might feel most comfortable in, just a suggestion and some advice you might find useful.

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

Yes, I know. I'm tough with myself but to be honest with you I can't make a decision right now. I feel if I do it I might regret in the future. I'll try to take my time but I'm afraid taking so long to decide

[schrodingercat]

It can be so hard sometimes to make decisions as big as these, trying to please everyone and yourself. I'm afraid in some way you're right too -- no location is going to be perfect. But they each have a tempting upside, too! For example, in moving to France you risk being stuck being in a new place without feeling new inside. But it also offers the possibility of the new surroundings and fresh start creating an atmosphere in which you can recover. Ireland holds your ex, but it might also be a comfortingly familiar change of pace. Maybe you've tried this already, but it might help to make a list of qualities you need in a new location, from career opportunities to its emotional aspect, and work back from there.

Stay strong! ^^

[vanessi in reply to schrodingercat]

Thank you. I need to think so much of this. It's hard because I'm depressed and I can't make a decision so easy

[Francis1]

i feel the same i applied for a job in canada its so far away i get so nervous and it puts my life in a hold i need to get over this its gone be hard i hope i get through

[vanessi in reply to Francis1]

I hope you feel better, Canada is a great country though but everything gets dark when you are so down

[Freefall88]

From my personal experience if you can then take a road trip/just go out. The little adventure could clear your head. Take a friend or family member if you want. Sometimes even traveling a few towns over for an adventure/outing can clear your head and help you plan that truly big adventure we call life. You might come back and it just hit you or at least get a glimpse to nudge you in whichever direction your heart feels.

[vanessi in reply to Freefall88]

Thank you. I don't know, I'll think about it, right now I'm not in a position of making decisions

[Freefall88 in reply to vanessi]

Your a strong woman. You'll find your wings so chin up.

[vanessi in reply to Freefall88]

Thank you