Hospital with impeeding doom

[PanicMom5]

My fear is to die and be confined. I have had panic attacks and the psychiatrist that I have seen twice upped my medicine. 200 mg of zoloft when I was on 100 mg and 3x 1mg of klonopin a day. Hello but I have to function. Had a horrible shakey reaction to the increase so I went to the hospital.

The hospital administered ativan injection, which worked wonders but the oral doseage made me hallucinate. Back to the ER they have me hydroxocine which was a rage of anger the next day I woke up.

When back to my psychiatrist and he said that I am highly sensitive to medicine and the only way for me to get help was to be hospitalized. Insert freak out mode, um my husband has to work, I have 5 kids and I have a fulltime job....I was like can I schedule a time? He said no, it has to be now. I said excuse me while I call my husband.

Husband was okay with me going to the hospital and I informed the nurse that I could go. She stated due to policy they will have to take me via ambulance, I was like this is asinine I can drive and as soon as I said that the EMT were there. They called them and said I was suicidal. Never once did that come out of my mouth!

I was promised to be taken to a hospital but they had no rooms available. As I sat in the coldest room explaining to multiple dr the experience that I had with these medicines they agreed that it would be best to be monitored as they try to find the right one. I totally agree, but they treated my panick attacks like I wanted to die, like I had a plan. Never would I do such a thing.

I stayed right next to the opening of the er entrance and I could hear all the bad things happening. It caused me much panic. The room only had a bed with a sheet and pillow and a chair. I stayed in the chair as I am reading the bible. Trying to find comfort in the most uncomfortable situation. After 3 hours they finally found a facility to have me be evaluated but they could not keep me because I did not show signs of being suicidal. There are people that truly need those beds and I was not going to take a bed from someone worse off than me! They couldn't get a hold of the psychiatrist to let them know so I requested to just go home. Explaining my situation to another nurse she said I could be placed on a 72 hr hold. Full blown panic attack came over but it was more of a fight for my freedom verbally explaining myself while having panic. In comes a dr and he said I was free to go.

My husband came to get me, I fell asleep about 12am and woke up at 2 so hot and feeling of doom. Hurt to pee, like I had a UTI and sickness or ill feeling makes me panic and feeling of doom wipes over me. I go outside to call about the results of my urine analysis and infact I have bacteria. So I felt I needed to vomit and did, went back to bed and here I am at home. Took a .5mg klonopin because the doom feeling came over me again.

I will fight this! There has to be something to help me!

[Starrlight]

That sounds exhausting to have to go through. How are you doing now? ((((((((Hug))))))))))

[PanicMom5 in reply to Starrlight]

I feel still uneasy but I just have to come to the conclusion that it will get better with time. ((((Hugs back to you)))) I wish there was a facility that could enter you into a perfect zen environment for those with panic because we are sensitive. It's just hard getting help and I have to do most of it myself. God bless you!

[Starrlight in reply to PanicMom5]

Awww I know I wish there was a zen place well mine is out in the woods. Hmmm there is a place, a crisis center I’ve been to that has groups collecting tools and techniques for learning ways to cope and it even has a zen type spot.

What if we worked really hard to move stuff around in our homes for a good spot creating zen. Mine right now is very simple with incense and lotion, essential oils and candles around me and my yoga mat.

[melbrown]

Hugs💛 I am so sorry you went through all that, especially alone... it sounds like a nightmare. I was threatened with hospitalization once when I went to Crisis center... luckily my husband was with me & said no. My medical team agreed that it wasn't what I needed. You were having a bad reaction to meds, so it's understandable they would want to monitor that... but to state you were suicidal when you weren't... ??? It all sounds unprofessional & not the help you need. How are you doing? Do you have a doctor or psychiatrist you trust to get answers from? Hugs again. Sending peaceful thoughts your way.

[PanicMom5 in reply to melbrown]

The psychiatrist that I was seeing, I will no longer go to. This all happened last night so I have some research to do. I am not sure of the reason why he said I was suicidal and if it was to kick someone out to get me in, I do not believe in it. Thank you for your empathy. That experience put a bad view in my head. My pcp is the one who referred me to see this psychiatrist so I am looking for a new dr as well. Dear Lord send us all strength because I dont wish panic, bad side effects, nor drs who treat anyone like they did me.

[Stilltrying_]

It sounds like you just need to feel safe. The experience at the hospital definately made your symptoms worse. I understand what you are saying. You have a panic of dying the same as I do. Unfortunately we cannot stop that . It WILL happen to all of us and that is a fact but in the meantime try and get as much out of life as you can. I am just going with the flow at the moment. We can't fight death, it will come to us all but just try make the best of things now we are here is my opinion.

Hope this helps and that you can settle down in a bit. Best stay at home I think . The hospital did not understand your problem.

[jkl5500]

I'm not a doctor, but I can relate to a lot of happened to you. It sounds like a case of runaway, uncontrollable anxiety, i.e., a panic attack. Only those who have gone through them (like me) can understand how you feel.

One thing you can do is watch some YouTube videos by Dr. Claire Weekes on dealing with panic attacks. Her books are great, too. You can get them on Amazon. Dr. Weekes suffered from panic attacks too, and she devised a method of dealing with them, and getting her life back.

Simply put, you scared the living crap out of yourself, and now you're scared of the scary feeling, and you want badly for it to go away. The way to do it is to relax, and stop feeding adrenaline into your bloodstream. This will calm you down even further, and you'll start to get control of your life back. Meds are needed to get you through a crisis, but simply learning to relax is something you can do yourself - with no side effects. There are tons of relaxation videos on YouTube, also.

I wish you recovery and peace.

[PanicMom5 in reply to jkl5500]

Thank you so much and you nailed it right on the head. Its fearing having another panic attack which in turn makes me panic.

[PanicMom5 in reply to jkl5500]

Wow just wow, I almost cried because no counselor has ever said, just let it happen and go through it. Thank you so very much for sharing dr. Weekes.

[Mapittma]

I e been through everything you just described. People with panic disorder have a heightened sensitivity to medicine usually. We are very aware of how our body feels. I’ve had many trips to the hospital, always scared this feeling with never go away. Some medical staff are understanding and some are insensitive and cause us to be more anxious.

Just know it will get better. My panic disorder cycles, but always calms down eventually. Medicine is a very tricky thing to get right because people with anxiety hate feeling ‘funny’. While you are trying to find the right meds, note that breathing, stretching, and exercise are so important. It will get better!!

[PanicMom5 in reply to Mapittma]

Thank you! I took my two year old for a walk today, there was a steep hill that I walked up, that steep hill at the top was me conquering this illness. Sounds corny but if we have all the tools we need, we can do anything. I tend to forget that.

[PanicMom5]

Can anyone keep their food down? I was told by a counselor of mine when your body goes through stress it produces more acid than normal. Just took my daughter to her friends and almost panicked. "What if I panic while I am driving" as this has happened to me after a long drive before; kept going through my head. I am so ready to beat this!

[jkl5500 in reply to PanicMom5]

I don't have digestive problems, but I have panicked while driving many years ago, so I know how you feel. The best thing to do is follow Dr. Weekes' advice. Her books "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" and "Peace From Nervous Suffering" should be available on Amazon. Her videos are helpful too, but there's more detail in the books.

The panic consists of the fear of losing control of yourself in a given situation. The general anxiety that results after the panic comes from the feeling that you don't control your life anymore - some "beast" inside you controls it now, and can throw a panic attack at you at any time. The way to conquer this illness is by using Dr. Weekes' method. Then you can be free again and live the way you want to live. The "beast" will get weaker and weaker until it pretty much disappears. And you are back in control again.

I strongly recommend that you get one of her books. And I wish you peace.

[PanicMom5 in reply to jkl5500]

Thank you so very much!