I ended up quitting another job, but this time I have no regrets. This is the third job that I have had in 4 years... I am tired of such rude and disrespectful people. Everyone is out for themselves and in this last job, I was constantly treated like crap on a daily basis. When I had my psych appointment a few months ago (when I switched jobs initially) I told her that nothing seems to be working anymore. I asked her if she thinks that I have bipolar disorder. She told me that she doesn't think so, because she said that she couldn't see signs of mania in me. Then my psychiatrist said that she thinks I might have signs of Borderline Personality Disorder and she said that I have been through a lot. My psychiatrist put me on Quetiapine and asked me to come back in a month. I was also diagnosed with Unspecified Mood Affective Disorder. I had no clue what that meant, so I researched this. Basically, I have symptoms of mood disorders, but not a specific one that would be a clear cut diagnosis. I was very confused on this. A few months later, after canceling and rescheduling my appointments because of work, I finally left a message for my psych saying that I needed her help due to an unbearable amount of stress and anxiety from work. She called me right away and we talked for a while. My psych said that she really wanted to hep me in any way that she could. A week later, I saw her finally. It was a very bad appointment.
It usually takes my psych a while to get things out of me when I meet with her. It's like pulling teeth. Many times I don't say anything, but she could read me based on my actions. I was so... depressed during the appointment because of that damn job, that I really didn't know what to do. She picked up on it right away and she wanted to make sure that I was safe. She kept asking me questions that quite frankly I didn't know how to answer out of fear of being put in the hospital. I was so down in the dumps. I kept saying that I'll be okay even though I wasn't. She said to let her help me and that I have been her patient for 3 years and I have to be honest with her and trust her. I kept telling her that she has other patients and is a very busy lady, she said I know, but I don't want you going home yet until I know that you are safe. She also put me on Lamotrigine and wanted to admit me to the hospital until the meds kicked in. I kept telling her no and that I will be fine. I am so grateful that she cared about me to leave voicemails on my husband's phone and asking me to even stay in a quiet area by her office while she saw other patients, she even notified the office manager where I was. When she couldn't get my husband and I promised that I would go straight home and not to take anything AKA not drink and to check in when I got home, she was hesitant to let me leave.
My psychiatrist left a voicemail when I got home and she got a hold of my husband later that night. She also wanted to speak to me. I was in bed sulking since I got home from seeing her that day. I was supposed to go to work, after my appointment earlier that day, but I really couldn't face it. She wanted to see me in another 3 weeks and she also wanted my husband to come too. 3 weeks later (which happened to be last week), when I told her that I quit my job, she was very concerned about me and the relationship with my husband. My psychiatrist asked me about my husband and his reaction to that news (he was supposed to come with me to this appointment, but couldn't because of the demands from his job). She said that it might be a good idea for him to come in next time and she wants to make sure that I don't spiral downward (like I did before when I left my case management position after working there for 17 months). My psych raised the Lamotrigine and asked me when she will see me next. And I said I'll call you. Then she said that she really would like to see me soon.... how about 3 weeks and I agreed.
I still have been feeling under the weather since then. I applied to another job and went on the interview, however when I called them for an update on Tuesday, they said that they were very interested in me, but they need to figure some things out first. I really do want this job and hope that they could hire me soon.
After all of this, I started to think doing research on what my psychiatrist said about me possibly having Borderline Personality Disorder and judging from the criteria, I most likely do... I have been living like this for so long and now, it all makes sense.... My next steps is figuring out what to do about this... has anyone been in a similar situation that has any advice about this? Much help would be appreciated.