What anxiety mental illness and the nuclear reactor we sit on.

[Ncrazy]

Today is end to a mean for the better good.My fiancee and I went out to dinner,i walk up to the bar to get us something to drink.A guy in a vary nice suite him and I started speaking he was excited about life talking about his job and i notice know wedding ring i kind act like just another guy at the bar.i point my fiancee out said she was a friend like I was older brother he was wow is she single?I said yes.....started talking her up telling him about her. At the end I look at my fiancee in my mind saying good bye.Gave the guy my fiancee number.

The pain of the Halloween mask i wear the guilt i feel every day.Not being the man i really am. The shit work,being on public doll going from being a foreman in a union to doing yard work or handy man work for people in my church.For not even close to the salary i was making before.

You want hear the kicker this is the second time i step under the giltean.i was married had 2 nervous breaks down.look at my ex- wife or at that time she was my wife.i pack up and look at my wife and said i cant put you threw this.The meds the doctor the stupide questions "insecure unconfident" job after job etc.

Some times its our job to face our demon alone.

[tamka38]

Am sorry you’re having a hard time right now. Can u please stop beating yourself up and be kind to yourself each day is a new day to start over and it alright to take your time u don’t have to be perfect you have a disease and is not your fault is our disease they send off negative thoughts we have to try our best to change our way of thinking baby steps do u talk to a therapist

[Ncrazy in reply to tamka38]

Thanks for your kind words but we all want a life with out cursed decease.we and I all of us want consistent and stable life.A life filled with vacation holiday dinner normal family get to gathers, finacaily rwarding careers jobs where its hard mental health days we can call in.Co-worker and boss are supportive.We've got spouse and friends who are non-low come who dont have the creed "what can I get from you",who spouse and friends family who are morally supportive and legitimate genuine loyal.

The world isn't rose and sun shine.The questions that wanders my mind is why god.

Then how much can we ask of others.Are we just high maintenance?

[tamka38 in reply to Ncrazy]

U can have all the money good health and everything u every wanted and still be unhappy so the question is what’s makes u happy? What are u grateful for? What Pledge can u make to do weather is big or small to move forward? Is the littlest things u can do. And if all can do is still alive that’s a blessing because a lot of people didn’t wake up this morning. Do u believe in God?

[Ncrazy in reply to tamka38]

I watch other my brother in laws this women and her husband.i watch people go threw there life,it seem as thou they have a lucky horse shoe shove up...One of my worst characteristic is I've been on the side line of life,the bleed noses alway on the side line never participant. It not money or anything but the consistentce and the stabilty.

You know problem after problem finacail or mental or horrible experience.

[tamka38 in reply to Ncrazy]

U right I understand where u coming from am tired too but trying my best to be positive

[tamka38 in reply to Ncrazy]

Everybody I love is leaving me because of depression and anxiety am going to break up with my boyfriend because am not doing nothing but holding him up and he don’t deserve it

[Ncrazy in reply to tamka38]

Kid you sound young its not worth it hang in there. I walk out on my wife and kid.lost all my childs memorable moments.try to meditate on collage,friends fun career achievements vacation holiday dinner family

[tamka38 in reply to Ncrazy]

Am 41 with 5 Adults sons and kid🤣😂 that’s rude I was only trying to help good night

[tamka38 in reply to Ncrazy]

Thanks for the laugh, I needed it

[Mumma_h]

You poor thing , all of that is just horrible. My husband left me , after 20 years of abuse from him mind you;and now my son has moved in with him . I literally don't want to live anymore, I feel so done, like this is the final blow. Hearing your pain. Life just sucks sometimes, I'll be saying a prayer for both of us tonight. So sad for you , I understand all too well how the break down of a relationship hurts

[Ncrazy in reply to Mumma_h]

Good evening sorry it took so long to get back to you.i appreciate the reply you know a 20 year relationship that's alot time to invest.Then your son not understanding the decease.i know what you mean DONE....i live fighting for a life it seem its not in the cards the American dreams.job after job not career opportunities. Marriage and relationships after relationships. I keep thinking and fighting for thou.vacattion. to go away some exotic blue water sandy beach,finacaily rewarding career normal holidays barbcues etc.