Howdy. I have only been on this form for a month and its helped alot. I was browsing last night before bed and the wife asked what i was looking at. I told her we would talk about it tomorrow as it was already late, she continued to hound me for 10 minutes before giving up(i knew it was not going to be a 5 minute ordeal and would end in some kind of arguement and little to no sleep). My wife is currently 40 weeks+4 days pregnant and is definitely ready for baby. We also have a 22 month old. She has her hands full during the day and i try my best to help after work.
Tonight it was brought up(was planning on talking about if after my son went to bed, but no such luck). So i told her that i was going on the website and why. She told me that i was keeping my depression/anxiety from her....even though we had this talk before xmas and had the talk again just after new years.
She went on, in my opinion to grille me about every aspect(felt forced to talk and answer questions). And kept asking why this and why that. And even made a comment about it being silly to talk to depressed people about being depressed. She thinks she understands because she was depressed once for 2 months many years ago. I explained how insite full it is and how a person doesnt feel alone and learning others coping mechanisms. She asked what my coping mechanisms are etc with questions to no end. I just left cornered and i did not walk to talk about all the nit picky details. I just am not comfortable will trying to explain it when i feel someone is being hostile towards me with the "just suck it up" attitude and telling me "you were like this last year" and "the therapist said its not my fault"(not sure why that was brought up, and i have never once blamed her for any of my mental problems. Nothing she said in my opinion was helping, i asked her to stop a few times and told her she is not helping the situation.
I got fed up after 10 minutes and said, "your being too nosy" which her response was "your my husband, fuck you", which she than stormed off.
I waited a few hours in hopes she would calm down, which did not happen. She now refuses to talk to me, except to tell me that she dont want me around our kid and definitely not around our new born and that im not allowed to be there when she is born. This does not leave much time to patch things up(i really, really want to be there, it brings tears to my eyes just writing it down).
Who is in the wrong(im thinking we both are?).
What do i say to help her understand if we do talk again?
I really love my kid(and baby) and i do love my wife. I do want to fix this and i dont got much time(baby comes out in 3 days).
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Blueweimaraner
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Blueweinaraner, I'm sorry that you being on this support site has caused a
rift between you and your wife. Neither one of you is wrong. You did nothing
wrong in reaching out to a group of people who understand and can offer some
help and support. Your wife did nothing wrong except having a lot on her mind
right now in preparing for the birth of your second child.
Mental illness is a very complicated illness for most to understand. It is unseen
and chronic. Your wife wouldn't be the first person to not fully understand or be
able to support a partner. I think tonight was a matter of her feeling a little hurt
in that she could not help you. Being pregnant, the hormones are all over the place
right now. I feel that when the time comes, she will welcome you by her side. Her words
were said out of frustration.
I wish your wife a safe birth and I wish you to have the joy of witnessing another
miracle of life.
I don’t think this is about not trusting you or anything like that. I presume she thinks everything is okay and you are managing fine unless you directly tell her you are not. She sounds like she wants to be involved in or at least in the loop.
Feeling safe comes to mind. Safe means she gets to stay apprised of what is going on and perhaps afraid you are not getting better and it may effect work and home life, maybe she feels you’ll divulge too much information with a bunch of internet strangers (I’d honestly delete this thread after you’ve read through the comments). So in my opinion, her hearing that you are needing alternative methods such as this means something is going on currently with you and she’s worried. Rightfully so, she’s about to give birth, life is changing again.
She’ll calm down, I think the heat of the moment and harsh words come out, probably once things are calm you both will want to take back things said.
You'll be in the delivery room surely. You can still go to the hospital, she won’t be chasing you down the hallway. Congratulations.
I’m sorry. That makes me sad that you are looking for help and she doesn’t understand that. But she also has tons of hormones from being pregnant and a small child. That can really set off anyone. I feel for you both.
I'm hoping her response was hormones. She's due any day.
You do have a right as and adult to be on any type of forum or in any type of support group you want.
I'm kind if surprised if she's been depressed that she said some of those things.
Give her time to settle down. Don't hide your feelings. Maybe share some if what you've read here. Let her know how supportive people are by giving some details about exchanges. She will understand more why you want to participate.
I hope things go well with the birth. That you have a beautiful healthy baby
People have mentioned it already the hormones is hopefully why she was particularly sensible about it. But you have the right to your own privacy even if you are married and she should understand it.
I noticed she is using threat and manipulation as a punishment which isn't healthy. You are both adults and equal and this is not fair to you. It is cruel to forbid the other parent the be present for such a big life event like the birth of your own daughter and it is insensible from her.
Again, maybe hormones at this stage made her say things she didn't mean but I still believe it was over the line and you can only blame so much on hormones. You should talk about it one day when the time is right. Threat like this are disrespectful. I am sure she has a lot of good qualities but that doesn't justify her actions. Everybody deserve respect even when conflits arise.
Lol saying we will talk about it in the morning would rub me up the wrong way for starters ?
You should've told her straight off and read some replies ?
I feel like maybe she is over reacting about the situation. About you not able to see your child and not to.be around... I also feel she only meant that out of anger but probrally 80% doesnt realy mean what she saying. And I'm not a female but I can honestly feel that she feels pissed because how you were on this website and her not knowing. I think what shes feeling now is like what else are you hiding that she dont know about. And the fact she went through your phone or whatever to find out goes to show shes been curious for awhile I imagine.
Things will be ok. Just give her time to let her woman mind wonder then come back to reality then I can bet you will both have a talk and you will explain yourself and she will question and then come to compromises , kiss hug and go eat something.
Dont stress about it so much, it's not like she found you on Christian mingle..lmao🤣
There's no right or wrong here. Your wife is close to giving birth and is stressed out and hormonal. You need an outlet to express tourself to people who understand depression. Try to just ride it out for now. I think she may be feeling like you don't need her. I have been lucky. My husband knows I post and is supportive. He realizes that he can never completely understand how I feel and is glad others can offer suggestions that may help. I remember well how I felt just before the birth of each of my children. I was miserable to everyone even though I tried not to be. If your wife brings it up again try to reassure her that posting is a way to learn and you don't want to upset her or add to the stress she is experiencing right now. Good luck.
Give your wife time to cool down, she is expecting a new arrival and She will need proactive support at the birth and after the child is born.
You need to understand some people look on Mental Health Concerns as a sign of weakness, what with that and the new arrival soon her hormones will be jingling her nerves and expectations of you and how you will be able to relate to everything that is going on in your life. Hopefully all will settle and the two of you are happy once more on your new arrival.
It may be you are best to stay off site until she feels more settled in Her Life,
The site is not the problem, it's your wife’s insecurities and controlling issues. She may be driven by hormones, but she is way out in left field with over reacting. She should be glad you’re trying to get help for yourself, which makes you a happier guy. She may feel betrayed in some bizarre way that she is not enough for you to be all you need, or something along those lines. However ...the extremes she has gone to in trying to punish you for you trying to get your own personal help without concerning her is irrational and quite disturbing really. My partner is happy for me and glad I'm on this site. They have their own social groups and we both sit here together often chatting away with others online, and then to each other....which is how it should be.
I think she seriously needs help my friend....this is very harmful to you and the kids to make these kinds of threats, they are irrational and over reacting.
I am sorry this is happening to you. I hope she will calm down and realize what she is doing. Depression and anxiety and panic are odd things. Sometimes we don’t even know we have it. I think she feels hurt that you cannot talk to her about it. I keep my anxiety and panic to myself especially around my husband. He doesn’t understand it. He will say things like “just get over it” or “ stop thinking about it”. It’s easy to say that when it’s not happening to u. I’m married 17 years and have had these issues since then. He doesn’t understand at all. Therefore I can’t talk to him about it. He will say I’m crazy or stupid. I know I am not and he supports me in every other way but I am just not comfortable telling him abouT my panic attacks.
Have you tried medication? It does help. And to your wife it may sound weird talking to other depressed people but I feel better knowing I’m not crazy and I’m not alone and I think it’s important for us to tell each other in the forum what helps us and what doesn’t to try to help others. Even if she tells you ur not Allowed at the hospital go so she can’t say u didn’t go. The same with seeing your kids keep trying. Don’t let her do this to u. And everyone is different. Good luck. Hope this helps
I agree with fauxartist, your wife may be pregnant and in a hormone storm, but she is the one in control of her mouth. I think she is unkind and selfish. You have an illness that she obviously does not understand, you need help and have the right to seek it. Do you have a therapist? After things are sorted out, suggest you both go talk to the therapist, you need an uninvolved party to help sort out this mess. My heart goes out to you, I had similar problems in my first marriage, was labeled crazy and should be put in a straight jacket and locked away. Thankfully things have changed over the years, but mental illness, is still not getting the recognition and treatment needed, it is a tricky illness to treat, it eats up time and money, but we treat other illnesses fairly, we must bury the stigma, and accept it for what it is, an illness.
Keep talking to us here, you need help, let us give you support and encouragement, we care. I send you Love, Peace, and Big Hugs.....Sprinkle 1...... ,
Several years ago I went through negative problems being on these sites, not only from my Wife also my GP, and CPN. I did stop for a time, although over several weeks I did return to the irritation of those around me.
Now after many years I am still tapping away and ideas have matured and all My Health Professionals, not forgetting my Wife are all quite happy for me to enter into discussion Her.
In my case they seemed to get concerned if I was going to get hurt on site and that was the main reason why they resisted my exposure on many of these sites. We need to consider the benefits of being on here as we all give and receive support from multiple races of people. It is very rewarding being here and it is that people need to understand. It is a Diversion that helps us settle our Depression and Anxiety
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A little update
I dont know where to put this and I cant say it to anyone else so im just going to throw this out here. 
Why are families so difficult?
Mother/young adult daughter and making amends... 
Upset
