I made the mistake of being a marksman in the Army. After being sent to Vietnam. after another month of seek and destroy training I spent all my time with my spotter, Gary. they would send us out camp each week to just make it back to camp, sounds like fun, huh,
I was given a prototype of a new rifle, the M24 {The police are now using it with their sniper teams}, It's a mean machine. We would be given a picture and profile of the VC officer I was supposed to off. The CIA could tell me what type of tooth paste my man used. The people at home were told we didn't go into Cambodia, hell Gary and I spent more time there then we spent in camp.
That's when my night mares started, I would have night terrors, waking up not being able to move like someone sitting on my chest. I ended the lives of 65 VC officers and every night I see their faces. On one occasion, after I put a built thru a VC captains face, I watched his 4-5 yr old daughter come running out of his hutch and wrap him in her arms, crying Papa,papa in Vietnamese!!
That happened over 60 yrs ago and haven;t had a good nights asleep. I;m finally getting help thru talk therapy an hypnosis; an a psychiatrist I trust with my life!!
I hope you all are able to get the help I am
Thank you
D.W.
Written by
dawyogi1
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That's so good you are getting help. Vets are often overlooked after they finish their service and are expected to just go back to everyday life, and that really just is not an option for them. I hope that you can continue to get help and get better.
Hi dawyogi1, I'm glad to hear you are finally getting the help you need. I'm so sorry you've had to live with these memories torturing you all these years. My dad was in the army in Vietnam too. I've seen him flash back to times when he was in war...it was scary at the time ( I was a child then) and I felt very sad for him. War changes people, you are a strong, brave man. Thank you for your service.
Thanks Robinrenae, It's nice to be able to reach out and connect with other people that know how I;m feeling. I have a great therapist to talk too, she has pulled me thru some rough times. Thanks again for your support!
Sorry it took so long to get back to you, two months ago I fell and fractured my right elbow pretty bad. Two weeks in traction and still have a cast on!! I am doing well and have a fantastic therapist and psychologist. I am finding out my life has been a kaleidoscope of colorful events, some horrendous, but many beautiful and I can keep the ones I want and discard the rest.
I just had a novel I wrote published called The Christmas Ranch, a modern day cowboys and Indians book based in Roundup Montana. My therapist thinks I should basically write about my experiences in the war. The more I think about it, the more I think I will, but God give me the strength.
Well I am coping well, feeling good about myself, hope you are doing the same.
Dave W.
Keep sharing here. We need to hear the hope you have in a good psychiatrist.
That was our war....I'm In my mid sixties and had friends go, and even though some came back physically, they never came home mentally. I am so sorry you had to do that job. There were no thanks to the women and men during that time, and having no public support left our vets suffering and lost, drug addicted, with PTSD, and worse. I cannot express enough how sad my heart is for you. And glad that after all this time, finally your getting some help. But the living hell you have endured is worse than anyone can imagine. Only you know that level of suffering....
Today its very 'American' to say the words: 'thanks for your service' because of the snubbing and ignorance that the Vietnam vets endured when coming home, Even their own friends and family, and government often snubbed them because it was, quote: 'an unpopular war'.....but the blood was spilled just the same as in any other war. The shame this country should have for the treatment of our vets back then, I hope is somewhat vindicated with those words now....''thank you for your service'', but most of those saying them were too young to have known the treatment of Vietnam Vets and have no idea what that would have meant to the Vets back then.
Hi, Sorry it took so long to get back to you, but 1/12 months ago I fell and fractured my right elbow. The same elbow I fractured in a hand to hand combat with a very determined VC Luckily I had my Kvar {knife} in my left hand and was quicker than him. After this short fight, I finally felt the pain afterward, and had to be air lifted out. By the end of my tour had suffered a broken elbow, fractured thumb, torn ACL, partial hearing loss, concussion, and a fractured left ankle. They just kept patching me up and sending me back to Tiger land. My best friend was our medic and he kept me supplied with morphine and I became addicted to it. He supplied it to me even when he pain stopped. I always had 3-4 ampules of it when my spotter Bo and I were sent back out on sniper duty. So by the time I got home I had to use a cane to walk {still do}, but I got the help I needed to break the morphine habit; in fact I went to work for a recovery house as an alcohol, drug, and mental health counselor for the state of California. I retired in 2005.
In 2017 I had my first novel published; It's titled "THE CHRISTMAS RANCH". I did include some of my experiences in Nam, but mostly it's about a family owned horse and cattle ranch,located in Roundup, Montana, it has murder, humor, and what happens when The ranchers daughter is assaulted and left for dead. A lot happens when he and his two buddies go looking for the culprits. Well so much for me pitching my book. I recently started on my next one.
Thank you for your kind words, and yes "Tank you for your service means a lot. Well hope to talk again soon.
work in progress my friend....and it's a labor of love. It's about women and healers throughout history..... I looked your book up and your even on kindle...I'll have to read it some time.....good for you....was it hard getting published...that's the tricky part.
One of my brothers was killed in viet nam at the age of 21. I'm so glad you made it home !! That was one nasty war! Glad to hear you are getting a hold of you PTSD, keep making progress and Thank You for your service. Great big hugs
I am glad you are getting help. Vietnam vets were greatly mistreated coming home. My father was in Vietnam too, he also was an expert marksmen (Marine). He never missed a shot. But there was No therapy when he got home, no talking to someone. He was a drinker and a smoker, that is how he dealt with it. He passed away about 5 years ago, the doctors believe it was due to agent orange, because of how aggressive the cancer was and how quickly it took him. All I know, when he ever met a fellow Vietnam vet , he would always talk to them, invite to the house for dinner, and treated them like family. I don't what my father went through, but I wish he have resolved those things he saw. I wish you the best, and hope you find some peace through therapy or whatever treatment you choice. Remember, you are not forgotten, and I thank you for serving our country. You are loved for your sacrifice.
Thank you for your feedback. I am sorry it took so long to get back to you. My health has gone south on me. I' vs been in and out of the hosp. Diagnosed with sever hypotension. Not hypertension, which is high blood pressure. For the first time in my life I am wheel chair bound! When I try and stand I fall. But I still have my good luck charm from VN. It is a jade tear drop pendant with a gold chain. I swear it kept me safe!! They (military) told us to carry no valuables on the field. I was a sergeant Major so I told the Captain (gtfooh) in other words get the f##k out of here. Sorry but there was a lot cussing over there. Any way it went to war with me and I came back( somewhat alive). I have a great Theropist and am working on my nightmares. I still
Wake up smelling napalm, once you have a whiff of it you never forget it. Anyway I am looking forward to Stanford, the clinic specialises in hypotension. So keep me on your prayers.
Dave, it is good to hear from you but I'm so sorry you have been sufferingwith hypotension. May the good doctors at Stanford help get you through this.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Please update us on your progress xx
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